The bulb went in my cooker and when I took it out the screw stayed in. I couldn’t get the door off to get it out so phoned an engineer. Cost me £50. That is not relevant. He said this is a five second job you could have done it yourself or gotten someone else to do it. That is another small death. I have had the big death but every day in so many ways there are small ones endings that happen. Things I won’t do again. It is verybwearing and seems end,ess
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Dear Florence, I felt so drawn to saying that’s exactly what I would have done! I don’t have a handyman, handy relative or someone to pop in with their magic screwdriver and sort out all those little jobs that need attention. Nothing can stay the same and neither can we. We have to adapt and dealing with day to day matters is huge for us. I follow a worry tree…(ptsd therapy) doing something about those (little) things is the way to unclogging your thought process and brings you a nice chunk of piece of mind.
Please don’t let his words sting you…if the problem is resolved…then you have won! I wish you peaceful moments today, with my kind wishes, Rainbow xx
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Florence
I called an engineer for my oven which wasnt working. It turned out there had been a small power cut, the clock had reset to zero and the oven doesnt come on unless the clock is set. That cost me 25 pounds for the call out. Me and my mum would have laughed about it if she was atill her. As it is it’s just another blow that makes you feel awful. I completely understand. I remember dropping a glass in the early days and having a complete meltdown.
It’s been just over a year for me and things do get a little bit better. It’s just very slow.
Cheryl x
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If she was still here I mean
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I call my bereavement the death of a thousand cuts. I have had the big one and that was truly awful but every day there is another ending which just nicks at your mind. Not enough to make it bleed but enough to make it sore. Seeing something and thinking I don’t do that any more, I don’t go there any more, my husband would have liked that, my husband would have fixed that in seconds. It happens all the time so one day I will just fall apart into tiny pieces. That day will be welcome.
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I think we have all had the little things happen that our husbands would have fixed in minutes.
I always Google the problem and it is amazing what you can find out saving you having to pay a fortune getting a professional in. YouTube is a mine of information it shows you how to do anything and everything. I have replaced the element on my oven for £7.50, re grouted my shower tiles and about to sand and revarnish my doors. We are all more than capable of doing the little things and wouldn’t our men be proud of us 
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Florence
I agree. My pressure builds and builds and I end up crying all day every couple of weeks. Then I feel calm and so it begins again.
A meltdown would probably do you good!
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this is such a good point!
the small deaths make everything so hard.
I could not believe the amount of pain that awaited me, on top of my mother’s death.
life just dished it out to me, and I was shocked at its cruelty.
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I totally agree with you x
It is such a relief to read your posts about the little things that cause us so much anxiety. I can totally relate to the oven call out. These things just highlight our utter loss and grief. Since January when I lost my dearest Gerry it feels as if something needs fixing on a weekly basis . I too do not have anyone to call upon but we just have to do what we have to do. It’s good to know I’m not alone.
Thank you for sharing . Magnet x
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Dear Florence I totally identify with what you have said about these being small deaths. Thank you for describing what happened to you.
I lost my wife Sue who was so loving, creative, clever and gifted, and just one example of her abilities is with her sewing and needlework skills.
Last week I needed to turn up some trousers I had bought and after 3 hours of trying to hand stitch the turn ups I had to give up and felt very sad, upset with myself and such a failure. It was a job Sue could have done with her sewing machine in 5 minutes but in 29 years I am ashamed that I never paid enough attention to how she used the machine and now it’s gathering dust.
This just shows that we are all struggling with the huge gaps in our lives that losing our loved ones has left so empty. Even small tasks can make me feel a complete failure but all I or we can do is battle on and gradually work out what our loved ones would have done to manage these situations, allow ourselves some slack, and do the best we can.
I believe that our loved ones would want us to carry on as best we can, even if we make mistakes.
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I know how you all feel. Malcolm could make or fix anything and I realise now how lucky I was, he just quietly got on with any practical jobs that needed doing. Yesterday the toilet wouldn’t flush and my immediate reaction was panic, thinking oh Malcolm where are you, I don’t know what to do with it. Then I told myself not to be a wimp and got the lid off the cistern, did something, not quite sure what, with the ballcock and hey presto ! Felt quite pleased with myself! Baby steps indeed! Love to all strugglers like me x
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Anthony, you are not a failure because you don’t have the skills that your dear wife had. We are all on a path of readjustment which sometimes seems to flag up the areas where we are lacking in some skills.
Our hearts are broken and these small setbacks take on more significance because of our vulnerability.
I know exactly what you mean , the simplest task for my dear husband has become a mountain to climb for me!
Magnet
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I am finding this pattern too.
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Just awful isn’t it? Emphasises just how alone you are now. But I have found posting on this forum a great comfort, hope it helps you too. Everyone understands exactly what you’re going through and offers help and support x
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Welcome Val we all understand what you are going throu, shame there isn’t a group meeting…but we are here…to chat…
It’s hard being alone but give your self time don’t rush… I love my partner of 22 years in March…I’m dreaded his birthday on 7 September then Christmas. They say the firsts are the worst…sending hugs x
It gets easier when acceptance sets in ,and confidence grows in your own abilities. We are all on a different journey but knowing others are reaching out is a comfort and makes us feel less useless and afraid. I am four years along the line but still struggling…my husband of over fifty years wanted to do everything so I had a lot of learning to do and did a lot of beating myself up over mistakes. That in itself was energy I could have used for other things. Take care of yourselves.
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Dear Florence and all of you who have replied.
I had a window refit and as I live in rented accommodation I had no say in style or type. To cut a long story short it is too high to reach without steps, very heavy and (to me), difficult to close. Recent high winds meant I had to call out a handy guy to close it. £25. I too have no one to help, it is demoralising and sad. I’ve felt very low since my dear Dad died and my Mum went into dementia care. I’ve hardly seen Mum since lock down, can’t give her a hug. The care support group I was attending has closed sadly.
Thinking of you all. N.
Dear N, really saddened to read about how things are for you at the moment. I hope you find some small comfort in the replies you receive. As many will tell you, it seems as if there’s always something to put right or sort out. I’ll be thinking about you and send you strength and a huge hug 
. Look after you, xx
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Sorry mistake to flag as off topic… my mistake so sorry
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