I’m still lying img my bed just crying. Wishing I can turn back the clock. Wishing I did one thing differently. This is my punishment. Kids are getting on with their lives . Friends have there own lives, they go home to their partner everyday. My house is a mess . My garden is a mess. My husband and I did everything together. He hasn’t come to me . I’m still having cancer treatment. I don’t drive so I have to beg my own children to take me to appointments. I’m a burden. It would have been better if he lived and I died. I really can’t do this.
Life is very cruel and losing my husband has broken my heart, the turmoil, the pointlessness of everything yet as long as I get up and get through the day I know there has to be something else than this fog, I realise that I have to do this alone no one else can help in any way because all I want is my life back how it was before it all went wrong, grief steals everything and leaves nothing but somewhere I find comfort in grief poetry, enya singing sorrowfully and tom reciting if tomorrow starts without me on YouTube, it helps to see that others feel the same and I’m not going crazy, I send you loving thoughts and hugs at such a difficult time for you
My heart goes out to you. It must be so hard for you to not only grief the sad and sudden loss of your husband, but to also have to go through cancer treatment. You certainly need and deserve all the support you can get. I wondered if you have contacted MacMillan? It might help you to talk with with someone about your situation. I found them very helpful last year when I visited their website and used the chat function to talk about how I felt when I was looking after my mother-in-law who was dying of lung cancer. Just talking about how I was feeling and having someone listen, understand and give some advice made me feel less alone. This is the link to their help page: https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/get-help
Sending a big virtual hug your way. xx Jo