W/ me, too. Strangers and neighbors were very good to me. I had a neighbor I knew through walking his goldendoodle and he offered to clean up my front yard. I have tons of trees so it was no easy feat. He brought his son and another neighbor. My young friend on the other street brings me lasagna on Thanksgiving (Puerto Rican style because his mother made it that way). It’s the kindness like that which helps. I had a friend, after losing my spouse, who stopped sending me birthday wishes. She did for years till after he passed. Maybe she thinks it’s contagious?
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Good afternoon everyone, I lost my husband 10 weeks ago, and having to navigate through this new life as a widow has been tormenting. Im totally lost. People who haven’t lost a true love don’t understand. They just think you’ll be sad for awhile, they don’t realize your whole life has changed, you’re more emotional. Brain fog, and just plain lost, that’s how I feel anyway. Hugs 
all around. May God bless you all
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I read an interesting fact the other day:
In the age group 50 - 70 years old, somewhere around 68% are married, if you then include partnerships, it rises to around 77%.
So perhaps many relationships end in divorce, or one partner or the other living separate life’s, people just existing within their comfort, certainty, life without change. Still, it doesn’t alter the fact that we are not, and that bothers and confounds and colours our outlook, but perhaps we find ourselves here, everyone is somewhere else.
I walked along the beach early one morning last week, a couple at a distance in front of me, walking, laughing, looking out with their binoculars, enjoying the morning, muddy, disheveled, going on to breakfast. I saw my wife and I in them and realised I was glad that they had it. There is joy to be had out there in the happiness of witnessing love, it does come back.
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Ive found a lot of friends and family disappeared since my mum passed. Apart from a few family and friends my dad and i have had to cope with this on our own. Brother hardly ever phones dad never phones me. I have three really good mates my oldest mate regularly phones dont get to see each other as much wed like. Dads oldest mate never phoned since mum died. My bereavement group has helped though
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Beautifully written and true, Nancy…
Janka
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I should have said dads friend in message wrote it quickly last night
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Some people just don’t really understand what it’s like..but she should have gone through this terrible journey to ..but that’s no friend ..55 years l was married to a wonderful husband and will never get over his passing no matter how love lm her 
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Hi woody9
Sorry to hear you are having a bad day i had min yesterday at this cafe that my social prescriber took me to ,too introduce me to the older group that i could join if i wanted to i was fine at first then this lady cam over from the centre to talk to me thats when my tears flowed like a stream i could not stop themi did not want that to happen in front of others and both of the ladies told me i was strong it took strenght to go there and go in the door why then do i not feel.strong why do feel weak i wish i had all the answers to my questions but i never will .
Sarah
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Sarah it took great courage to do what you did. Never forget how much strength you have, we fight every single day in this new horrible life. Our loved ones would wish us to keep going, that is what we keep hearing.
Be proud of yourself for going there. I’m in tears so often these days, I will never come to terms with losing my gorgeous husband, never
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Hi peg 2
It did not take courage and i feel so not strong anymore i feel when paul went so did my strenght my reason for bieng here i will never ome to terms with losing paul.he was the love of my life he was very first boyfriend how do i ope with this pain that i have been left in there will never be another paul there never can be i can never have that love again 
i have never in my life gone out dating in this world paul was a blind date set up by his friends who lived in my street and new my family so it was all set up for us to meet and from that night on we where inseparable and so much in love when i had to tell my dad i was getting married as paul asked me a month later my dad and stepmum still lived in scotland i had moved to leeds with my grandparents and i was finding it hard making new friends my stepmum said to me recently that she never saw what i saw in paul but after that weekend they saw us together he showered me with love my face lit up when i was with him and he always made sure i walked on the inside of him and if we crossed the road he still put me to the inside my stepmum said to my dad you do not do that for.me when out in the club he opened doors for me pulled the seat out for me and went to the bar for.me my stepmum said to me you have him well trained and i said no i dont that is just paul and the kind and considerate man he was my dad loved him straight away as my dad said to us anybody that can put that sort of smile on my daughters face is worth his weight in gold and he gave us his blessing my stepmum was just jealous of all the things that paul gave me and i was one spoilt girl that is what i miss him for i miss his smile i miss his compliments his eveything he was the best thing that ever happened to me and now he is gone and i cry everyday for him i still need him to be there for me to go out for meals with for a coffee for a run in the car everything i have nothing left in this life and the biggest thing was when he bought me flowers for no reason at all he would come home with a big bunch of red roses that was his flower for me and this year is our 50th wedding anniversay and he is not hear and there will be no flowers from him as its nit the same buying them myself they do not have the same meaning to me oh god how i miss him this hurts .
Sarah
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I’m so sorry - some friends get it wrong because they are genuinely trying but mess up, but some friends just really don’t want your grief to intrude in their lives. Only you know which of these is likely with your friend, but if it’s the latter then those aren’t the friends you need.
Wouldn’t it have been nicer if she’d said okay, I’ll come to sit with you instead. x
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That is so tough, I’m so sorry. I’m glad you found a helpful group.
I lost my best friend after the sudden and traumatic death of my dad because she really failed to show up for me in a way I’d expect a good friend to. People make all kinds of excuses for the people who let us down at this time. But it compounds the grief. And that’s what helped me make the decision to walk away from the friendship rather than forgive and forget; at one of the hardest times in my life, she chose to make it worse.
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Hi airstipcat
Yes it would but they dont i sit in my house everyday on my own nobody comes near me it must be me today i an still in bed at 3pm crying my eyes out i need shopping in and i cannot be bothered ive let the road tax on my car run out it run out today i cannot ring anyone they all busy withere own lives and will start to tell me off i cannot even get any off my family to go out for a meal with me to busy i do not have kids just two brothers and nephews and nieces but they never want to be bothered with me all i want is someone to say to me fancy a run out somewhere anywhere have a coffee or meal out but nellie no mates has no one to go out with here this is not a live this is an existence and i dont want an existence anymore
Sweetlady
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Janka, this comment hit in the perfect spot and is SO true!
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Oh Sarah I m so sorry. I do understand how you feel. Paul obviously loved you very much and you him. Some people go through life never having loved someone deeply. They say the greater the love the harder we grieve. Take care, hope you feel better tomorrow.
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Hi Woody,
I’m so sorry that your friend has behaved in this way, at a time when you really needed their kindness and understanding.
Everyone deals with grief in their own way. Your friend clearly has a different outlook and way of dealing with her own grief. But telling someone that ‘being miserable doesn’t help’ is like saying ‘go pull your socks up’ and their lack of empathy must have really hurt amidst the grief you are enduring. I think she was very tactless.
While I haven’t lost a partner as you have, my husband is fighting cancer and I lost my mum 3 and a half years ago. The grief is still very raw both with losing Mum and seeing my husband fight his illness, while I have to remain strong for my own family.
Someone who I thought was my friend (of many years) sent me horrible messages and reactions on social media, telling us ‘we should just get on with it’. All because I didn’t use a gift voucher she’d given me in time before it expired (my husband was undergoing chemo, was very ill with it and there wasn’t time with all his hospital appointments). Her responses shocked both of us and I eventually had to block her from contacting me, to protect my own peace. Blocking someone was not something I’d ever want to have to do to but I was left with no choice in order to protect both of us. My husband was furious at her behaviour, all at a time when he was facing a possible spread of his disease. It was also the 3rd anniversary of losing my mum. My former friend knew it was Mum’s anniversary and that my husband had a vital scan coming up but never once bothered to ask how he was or how we were coping with it. All she bothered about was the money she’d spent on her voucher (£20) and took great offence at me not using it. God forbid, if it had been her husband who was ill, there’s no way that I would ever have been like this.
There has been no more communication since but it has left me feeling very hurt as I have given her much support as a friend over the years.
I think what I’m trying to say Woody is that it hurts when you feel let down by a friend at a time when you really need them. I don’t know if there’s any way you could talk to your friend about how her attitude made you feel? Unfortunately, my former friend crossed a line with me and there simply was no way back from it.
You take really good care of yourself. Sending you a big hug X
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Hi Bluebell, I’m flabbagasted I can’t see any way of excusing your friend it really beggars belief.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Hi Bluebell
Im so sorry to hear what youre going through.its very hard and confusing trying to deal with everything.
People have really suprised me. She is also a widow,I thought I would be able to rely on her ,going through it herself but she does like everything to be about her! Its me as well,I just cannot listen to constant moaning about nothing,my tolerance levels are really low now,so maybe I didnt really notice it before. Ive backed off for now,I really value my peace.
Take care.
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wow! that is truly appalling. Some people truly have no clue - and obvs no respect for the pain and grief of others. Am really sorry you had to go through this. Wishing you all the best for your husband’s recovery
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Thanks Tom, really appreciate your words here. Take care x
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