I lost my husband of 44 years late on 23rd December 2023, he had had Acute Myeloid leukaemia and lung cancer for 13 months.
I just feel so confused, do I move, move in with my daughter or stay where I am? Do I join helpful groups? I really can’t think straight. I have pen pals but can’t focus to write anything. I am anxious, stressed and can’t begin to think about life without him. Its horrible. His birthday is the end of November then his anniversary and Christmas. I just want to run away and hide.
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Hi Joy.
The only advice I can give is what I was given,if you move you will still carry your pain with you,but leave many of your memories behind,I hope you reach the right decision for you.
Ronxx
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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dearest husband suddenly 7 weeks ago.
Life seems awful at the moment and like you Im confused and anxious. My children are amazing . We are all grieving so much and this is not the happy life we had before.
I cant bear to feel like this for the next probably 20 years. We were a young 70s couple just enjoying our retirement together.
I want my family to smile again, thats what my soulmate would have wanted. So i will try and make my life bearable. I dont see how trying to do this will make our memories of almost 50 years less so I dont hold with that.
I wish I could get comfort from religion but I cant.
I wish you well Heartsand
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I think the one thing you need to do right now is not to do any of those things. You’re still early in this grief journey, with significant and painful milestones to come. This is a time when you need to put your own wellbeing first, and if things are stressing you out, let go of them. Hopefully there’s no rush to do any of that. Just get yourself through the next couple of months as best you can. Sending hugs.
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I am thinking that it is too early to make life changing decisions. My Husband of 34 years died last November. He was only 55 and we had so many plans for our future and retirement. We had worked and saved and then all of a sudden nothing matters.
I had to wait until 27th of December for a funeral date, so Christmas just didnt exist. Now, coming up to one year…I just want to hide away until the Christmas season is over.
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Im 20 months along and the thing I’ve always stuck with is, “if I’m not sure do nothing”. Where you are now is a very different, difficult, lonely, painful, overwhelming place. You have enough on your plate to deal with and these things can wait.
Your need for change, running, starting new, wanting to hold on to the old life, is all common feelings. You will have many feelings and emotions over the coming months but they will settle down.
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Thank you, that is so helpful. I feel like I dont want to be like this forever. Sending hugs.
Hello, thank you so much for your help. It is so good to know others understand.
Bless you, seven weeks is no time. For some reason I think I should be getting ‘over it’ by now. I feel people don’t want to hear about it anymore. I also realise that is wrong. Sending hugs.
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I think I have learned in the short time my wife has passed there never really is getting over it,I think the best we can do is push through and somehow learn to live with our loss.
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joyk, you must look at “things” practically. Is the house too much for you to manage? Can you handle the insurance, the taxes, the maintenance, the garden? Does it feel like a huge empty space? Does it make you sad to be there? If any of this is true, start thinking of a small apartment or condo.
Do not move into your daughter’s home. You need your own space, even if it is a tiny one.
Type letters to your pen pals, even gibberish is nice to receive and start that communication again. Tell them what has happened to your family and the trials you are experiencing.
My Dear, you are already having a life without your husband and you are still standing. You are okay. Really. Try to not think about the lost future with your husband. For me, I can only think an hour ahead. Thoughts of my whole life without my husband cause a breakdown, so I just take it one hour at a time.
I’ve been asked if I am going to sell the house, the cars, etc. I DON’T KNOW! I don’t know anything yet. You don’t either and guess what - you aren’t in a rush to make these decisions.
Anxious and stressed? Of course you are. Ask your physician for some help, stress and anxiety will make you physically ill and you need to be healthy.
Yes, the holidays are coming for us all. None of us will feel happy and excited for the season. Perhaps you can volunteer to serve dinner to the homeless at a local shelter for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas. Making others happy will give you some joy. Turn your grief into action for others this year in memory of your husband.
We will all make it. We just have this miserable time to endure first.
Peace be upon you.
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Thank you so much for your support. I appreciate it. Given me things to think about.
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