So dad didn't like me then?

Newbie spill moment! Sorry folks. I lost my dad in at the end of august of heart failure. He was 77 and had been unwell for a long time. I am his only biological child, but he was a brilliant step dad to my 5 half brothers and sisters. He split with my mum 20 years ago but they remained friends much to my disapproval as she was very emotionally abusive towards him. He still treated the kids as his own, along with being a granddad to their kids. The end of life was very traumatic due to a safeguarding issue and lead to dad dying in hospital when he had requested to die at home. I was blamed for this as I had reported a family member for financially abusing him; however it was because that person had reported dad as unresponsive to the district nurse and when she went to the house, dad was up and about walking and also politely told her to F OFF! Deffo not unresponsive! This lead to loads of drama with my mum and half siblings and I received a letter from mum two days before my dad’s funeral that my dad couldn’t stand me, that I was a terrible daughter who didn’t care for him. She justified my brother spending dad’s money as he dad had full mental capacity to be generous.
I’m used to drama from them. I’ve been lucky to have separated from them and have a very calm life with my little family, but the possibility of my dad slating me to them and saying I was a bad person is crushing me. I have come to terms over the years with dad loving my mum much more than he loved me and his step children, that was a lot to do with her abusive behaviours where she shredded his self worth since the start of their relationship.
He and I have had two arguments in the 42 years I’ve been alive and nothing but positive words of pride from him, and to think that he said these things about me is a huge blow that’s making it hard to grieve. I know in the past 3 years since my stepbrother took over his care, we had drifted apart, but even with that drift we spoke everyday. He was my Yoda! My main influence in political beliefs and tastes in music and movies. He was hilarious and charismatic but now my last memory of him is of his clenched fist with anger on his face that I had interfered with his plan to die at home. My dad hated me in his final gasps of breath and I cannot shake away that look on his face.

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I’m so sorry that you’ve lost your Dad. Please don’t believe a single word what your family say about your fathers view on you. If your father had disliked you, you’d would have had more than two arguments in 42 years! The fact the you spoke everyday with your Father speaks volumes.
I probably had an argument every two weeks with my parents, but I still loved them dearly. It’s just the way we were. (My Dad passed away twenty years ago and my Mum a bit over a year. )
Please don’t let other people re-write your history with your father.


Thank you. I know he loved me and we were good mates. I just hate how they made his end bitter and aggressive. I hate their childish accusations. I hate that their threats and behaviour stopped them coming from the funeral as they where scaring dad’s vulnerable family members - themselves elderly and two with severe mental health conditions. I felt awful at first when I barred them from coming in to the service but as we left my sister shouted an insult about one of the songs we played, That’s Life, saying it was inappropriate. I calmly responded with “it was a recording of dad singing it” they loved him so much they had never been to hear him song on stage. I’ve just registered for bereavement counselling so I hope this helps with pushing anger with them aside and focus on carrying on loving an utterly boss dad! Coolest dad in the history of dads :heart:

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That is wicked of your family to say he thought that which I don’t believe for a minute.
My mums funeral was on the 23rd December and my wicked family never even spoke to me but I didn’t care because my mum and I were devoted.
I’m struggling badly .
Please contact Cruse for some bereavement counselling or this could eat you,up,

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Thank you, I’m on the waiting list for bereavement counselling at a local charity and I also have staff support services as I work for the NHS. I’ve been in therapy since I was in my early 20s due to the family issues as it was a very toxic environment. They’re just so weird. My mum stopped speaking to me when I told her I had a brain tumour. She’s a narcissistic sociopath. She didn’t deserve him and neither did most of her kids. I lost my brother 21 years ago, and he was the only one who ever respected dad and gave him the time he deserved. I’m feeling really calm today as I spoke to one of the managers in our team and she was great

It’s such a short time since your mum’s funeral, you’re really brave reaching out for help so soon! I really wish I hadn’t held back as it’s been exhausting

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