So glad to find support network

I heard about this site whilst listening to radio scotland this morning and I found the whole item so comforting. Dad passed away only 3 weeks ago and at the moment I’m really struggling but I hope that the online community will help. I knew it would be tough but didn’t ever appreciate how much pain there is…

Hi Annie,
thank you for your post and welcome to the community.
I am very sorry to hear about your Father and can understand that this must be a very difficult time for you.

I wondered if this info on our site might be helpful to read:

http://support.sueryder.org/practical-emotional-advice/how-can-i-cope-bereavement

I am really glad that you have joined the community and I hope that you will find support from other people and to know that you are not alone.

Thank you Sam x

Hi Annie

When I saw your post I just had to respond as I too lost my dear Dad eight weeks ago today after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, which lasted five weeks from start to finish, and have never felt so devastated in my life. I was totally unprepared for the sheer pain that has engulfed me. I am hoping that by joining the online community I can find some solace here.

Coco it’s just the most overwhelming pain isn’t it? We were five weeks from diagnosis of terminal cancer to dad passing away and my head is struggling to take it all in. Some days are better than others but there are so many triggers too, which I’m finding difficult to deal with. It’s the little things I miss so much - the quick phone calls and the texts which I used to accept as the norm, dad popping in at different times of the day to catch up with everyone. Now that he’s not here I realise how much we all miss that contact. He was such an important feature of our lives that it’s a struggle trying to comprehend that he’s no longer nearby. I guess our family is like a jigsaw which has a missing piece now. At the same time there are so many happy memories to hang onto too. That’s what we must cherish.

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Anniemac - Many thanks for your response, which really summed it all up, and we have so much in common in the swiftness of the diagnosis and the actual loss. The whole situation seems somehow surreal doesn’t it? Like it happened and you were there but you can’t believe it or don’t want to. I agree that some days seem better than others and I seem to be just going through the motions. However, the triggers are excruciatingly painful - little things like hearing his favourite song on the radio or advert on tv and seeing his brand of cereal or aftershave in the shops. My Dad was the sweetest, kindest man who would do anything for anybody. I have taken great comfort in the lovely words spoken about him by his many friends and colleagues, but I agree that it is the everyday contact and the sound of his voice which I miss so much. The knowing that he was there for me day or night, whatever the circumstances. I think you are right in that a very important piece of the family jigsaw is missing and we have to give ourselves time to grieve and adapt to the situation. We too have many happy memories, so hold on to them as nobody can take them away from you and remember your Dad will always be in your heart. Much love to you and your family and keep strong x

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Hi Anniemac, I lost my Dad and father-in-law within a fortnight of each other last October and my Mum exactly 5 months later in March, Dad and F-in-L were sudden and such a shock, Mum was diagnosed with bladder cancer just over 12 months ago and it spread rapidly. We have been so busy with looking after Mum that we hadn’t got time to grieve the Dads now it has hit us like a brick wall! At first it was like they were all on holiday but now it is sinking in that they aren’t there and it is so difficult to cope, we are on a real roller coaster. It is something that you just can’t explain, no one can tell you how hard it is going to be and the pain that you go through is sometimes unbearable. It is a comfort to come on here and know that there are people going through the same emotions and feelings as we are and that its ‘normal’ to feel like we do.

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