Hi all, 9 weeks in and it is all so raw. I thought I was getting better with coping with things but its hit me like a cannon ball again. Cant stop crying. Having trouble with a lot of companies as everything was in my husbands name. I keep asking myself, is it ever going to get better. I know my darling late husband would be sad that I am like this but I just cant help it. Hope you all have an easier day. Take care.
17 weeks for me. It does get easier with the companies when they realise you aren’t some kind of fraudster. I found once I broke through they were lovely and so sympathetic. I found that I’m now down to abut 4 cries a day though our wedding anniversary is next week and I’m dreading it. Best wishes
Good morning annieG1, Im the same this morning nearly 8 weeks in ,I dont know weather to hide under the duvet ,scream , sit and hold my husbands ashes all day staring out the window ,I feel despair today ,I want to sort some more if his things out but walk aeay after staring at it ,people i thought could be there for me have virtually become silent , why ?
Thank god i found this site and others can relate , its torture, ive had a couple of steady days and today is a bad day , I signed up to join a yoga class abd a local walking group but couldnt face it so backed out. All i can say to you is your not alone today, sending virtual hugs and support, I understand your grief x
Raffy, I feel for you. We laid my husbands ashes to rest 2 weeks ago and I thought I might feel a bit easier after that but no. I’m the same, cant sort out any of his thigs yet. Same with people, those I thought would be there for me arnt. Some have said we’re here for you just ask but I dont feel I can ask yet, selfish I know but I want them to come to me. Thank you for your virtual hugs, the same back to you. As you say thank god for this site. It does help to know we are not alone in our feelings. Take care. xx
BobY, Most companies are sympathetic but the ones that arnt really get to me. Hope you get through your wedding anniversary ok but I know you proberly wont. It will be so hard for you. Next year would have been our 50th and I am already dreading it… Take care. x
Know exactly how you feel. 10 weeks for me. I was named on most of our accounts so not too much of a problem. My husbands ashes are yet to be interred as the ground is still too hard despite the wet weather. Just starting probate which needs to be complete before I have access to his pensions. Living very frugally. We’re in the process of taking out annuities which were cancelled as I am better off as a widow but meant the process had to be started for me all over again so no income from that either. Additionally as my husband was my carer I now have care costs to cover. All our charitable donations were in his name. It is a nightmare. I still cry most days. Some days almost all day. Because of my mobility I can’t get out easily so trapped indoors except when a friend takes me for a ride. Looking forward to Saturday when my brother and his wife come to visit though even that is bittersweet. My sister in law has terminal ovarian cancer so the thought is my dear brother will go through this hell relatively soon. We can only live day to day. Xx. Sandra
Pudding, It must be awful for you not to be able to get out under your own steam. I am very lucky in that I drive so can get out and about although in a lot of pain most days. So sorry for you brother and sister-in-law. Its a cruel world. Take care. Ann x
I never realised how you can have so many emotions in one day and how quickly you can leap from sad / numb/ distraught to empty and nothing, and how grief is different depending on who has passed away ,the grief i felt for my dad ,mum and brother is totally different from how i feel about my ,lovely husband of 30 years, mums was bad enough this is so much worse.
Im lucky i have known so much happiness and love with him ,and i can tell from reading blogs that im not the only one, i hope in the future we all manage to feel some peace and smile again, we can boost each on down days, and just let others know , we care .
It does make it difficult to keep myself occupied or contact people. Most of contact is with neighbours. Just signed up for neighbour hood watch. I am perfect as I spend a lot of time watching the world from my chair. I can see all the comings and going’s. I wish I could still drive. Just getting to the garage is difficult. I have a mobility scooter but the roads and pavements round here are not safe to use it on. Both the roads and the pavements are narrow. It was meant to be used when we went out. I miss our trips to a cafe by the coast. Or just sitting eating an ice cream by the harbour wall. Will I ever do these things again? Sorry. Having a day of feeling sorry for myself. At least my knees don’t hurt as much today.
O pudding so sorry you you cant get out and have mobility problems ,i can only imagine the difficulties you must face.my husband lost his mobility the last few months of his illness and that was so painful to watch as he was such a fit person beforehand , do you have others who can assist you out ? Always here for a chat, take care x
Pudding no need to feel on here .we all have bad days .i can understand how you feel. Some days i really struggle to get my prosthetic leg on and joints are painful with rheumatoid arthritis flair ups
Not really. My husband did just about everything. Washing and cooking. We have a cleaner who is a good friend and does take me out occasionally. I have had to find ways to do the washing. I have been living on ready meals mostly. Just starting healthier options with salad and fruit every day. Even so my digestion is bad. Don’t qualify for financial assistance on my care so can’t afford at present the care that would make my life comfortable. Last night I even had problems getting into bed. It took me three attempts with tests inbetween. I am trying to do some gentle exercises every day to improve my mobility but this will take time. Once probate is through and I have access to my husbands funds I will look at extending my care package. This is on top of the grief that just washes over all of us. But it is what it is and I have to get on with it. Somehow I manage. Have just bought an air fryer as I have been informed they are very easy to use and may stop me living on ready meals. As I said having a day of feeling sorry for myself. On other days I just think how lucky I was to spend 52 years with a wonderful man. Xx
You really do understand. But so many on here have other problems with health or family or children. We all struggle in unique ways. I find it helps me to focus on others. One of my neighbours has a friend who visits every week and tried to commit suicide. Each week after her visit I ring my neighbour to see how she was. It helps me to focus on someone else. I just hope when my brother comes to this suffering I am far enough along to help him.
Yeh i just remembered other day ours is 5th september … omg i think thats gonna be a tough day … ! X
Sandra, I do hope you find the air fryer useful, I’m going to buy one. I was with my brother on Sunday while he used his to cook our lunch. It was easy and much quicker than the oven. xx
Rosemary. It’s got rave reviews from my carers and my cleaner so I am going to give it a go.
Pudding myself and my daughter are going halves in an airfryer.hopefully should be quicker than using the oven or cooker
Air fryer arrived next day even though didn’t pay for next day as I don’t need it until Sunday. Bigger than I thought. Gardener coming back next Thursday plus plumber who is surveying if I can change my toilet for a smart toilet. Now just need to figure out how to use the air fryer.
Sandra, I had a quick demo from my brother, he cooked some salmon in it. It seemed very straightforward. Hope you find it useful.
How are you today and how was your night? xx
Not a good night. For some reason my knee decided to become swollen and painful. Didn’t sleep much. Got very warm so put a fan on. Getting used to that. At least it was only one attempt to get into bed. Not feeling too bad today. Air fryer arriving plus letter from Marie curie thanking me for the donation from Norman’s funeral positive things. How are you rosemary?