So Heartbreakon

Hi everyone so heartbreakon and truamatised it’s seven months today since my soulmate Edward fell asleep in my arms im utterly truamatised im sorry of im not on here as much but really struggling my thoughts are with you all xx

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Hi Ade, thinking of you and sending a big hug to help you through the day. Maybe spend a little time just sitting outside in the sun it might help lift your spirits.
Xx

Hi Adele sorry your still struggling so much, remember you are not alone, people on this forum are here for you and thinking of you, don’t shut yourself off from us all
Jan x

Dear Ade
Please take care of yourself.
I have still got the funeral to get through - but miss him so much today. Just want a hug from him that’s all. I am trying to keep busy because if I am busy it stops me thinking - just mowed the grass which was a bit of a struggle - and have decided I will strim the patio - then have a shower. That should take care of the next couple of hours at least.
All of us on here will never be ‘normal’ again. It is so hard - we all all traumatised in some way over our partners death, however they went, Gary was sudden so no goodbye or tell him how much I loved him. I tell him all the time now - just hope he is listening!
Trisha x

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Hi Adele I’m sorry your struggling. You are so thoughtful to others on this site. I’m thinking of you and sending you a hug.
Christine x

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Adele, so pleased to hear from you again. As you will have noticed so many of us was worried about you. I will send you a message later today. Keep strong Adele we are all there for you.
Pat xxx

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Trisha my love you are doing so well. Keep busy, make every moment count. I have done this since losing Brian. I actually pat myself on the back if I have done something which I am struggling with. I write everything down that I do, so that I know I am making myself do something. I worked in my garden all morning. Watering, potting up, planting. Now this is something I have done for years and love gardening, yet I have been putting this job off for weeks, I feel suitably pleased with myself, how ridiculous is that, when I have two large allotments to look after and gardening takes up so much of my time. Even the small everyday things can be an effort in our heartbreak. Keeping occupied is my way of coping.
I see that you say that there was no goodbyes but there never is. I knew for ten years that Brian had C, he was fit and well for years before it got him last year and even up to the day he passed I never said goodbye because I never intended him to leave me. At his funeral I made it a celebration of his life, NO GOODBYES. Music with him singing his Country and Western songs. People were, I am told, tapping their feet and moving to the music. No matter how you lose them, it is traumatic but from my point of view there was still no goodbyes, because I don’t feel I have lost him. He knew you loved him I am sure and still does. Take care Pat xx

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Hi Pat

Thank you so much - I find your messages so uplifting. You obviously miss Brian so much but you really are filling your time and you are so positive.
It was a hard one again today -lots of tears. But went and sorted the wake out properly - and the landlady was lovely. We have chosen the music tonight too -boy was that hard. I find music so emotive - and we had to chose just three pieces out of a lifetime of music. We think we have gone with the right ones. We wanted to play some of the music he had recorded but the system at the chapel is not compatible so we have gone with three - one of which he was working on when he died (the original version not his). I just kept seeing him today - all bleary eyed and just awake asking me if I wanted a coffee before I left for work. I told him no go back to bed !
I have written a tribute about our life together for the funeral but will ask official to read it as I know I won’t be able to . The children are also writing one together.
I did a lot in the garden today too - sneezing my way through most of if !
Son is here again tonight and is playing one of the guitars in the music room - he is finding it particularly hard today. No matter how old they are though you just want to protect them from this. People say he is so like his dad -but I can only see it sometimes.
Tomorrow -have not got that planned yet. Though I may yet get to the tip in the corner of the bedroom…
Take care and I hope all your efforts in the garden will help you to sleep well.
Trisha x

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hi Ade
sorry to hear you are struggling,but can totally understand,its a nightmare losing the love of your life.i like you and many others on this site are finding life a struggle i wish there was a magic wand i could use to take away the pain we all feel.i just pray we get the strength from some where to get through.
regards Ian

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I thought I was coping really well - but I don’t think I am today. Can’t stop crying this morning - I think as the shock is subsiding the reality of him not being here is sinking in and it hurts so much. I don’t want to burden my children as they are hurting so much too - so thank you all for being here x

There is not a day that goes past that I dont go to pieces when my mind goes off on a wonder, even if I keep reflecting over and over again what I have already gone over, the good times that I would give anything to put the clocks back and go back to that specific time, maybe doing some things a tad differently…
This morning my 4 new oak wood matching photo frames arrived and I placed the photos from the photos resting by the 3 dogs ashes boxes into these frames, and the other frame has now got my Richard in it, along with the gorgeous smelling " letter box " flowers that arrived yesterday sitting alongside of them on my sideboard…yet I still had a cry when the reality set in that my Richard has now gone to join my 3 dogs, it is not just a photo of him,it is a photo that is telling me he is now in a place similar to where my 3 dogs are-have been for the last 2 to 10 years…

Jackie…

You are coping well but these days of grief are part of the process that we have to go through. At least, that is what I am telling myself when I have one of these awful meltdown days.
There seems to be no reason for them. I wake up and just know that this is going to be a shit day, or two !!!
I chose to sell all Brian’s musical instruments. Some privately, some by auction. It was hard but I reasoned that it was better than them going into the loft and gathering dust. His main guitar that he had played for thirty years on stage went to a nice man who brought it back to pristine condition and sent me a large photo of it. Now it’s going back on stage and not in the loft. I have the photo of it next to a photo of Brian on stage playing it.
I am trying my best to be positive as I don’t want to feel like this for ever. I have better days, not so better days and blxxxy awful days. I am just hanging around and waiting to see what life has to offer me now. It’s surely got to be better than what we are all going through at the moment. That’s how I see it anyway.

Pat xx

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It is 6 weeks today since I lost the love of my life and I am finding my way through this hell as best I can. I have done nothing for the past 6 weeks except cry and talk to anyone who will listen! I am trying to be positive but then become overwhelmed by grief again and the realisation that all I have left are memories and photographs and that I will never see him again! How do we come to terms with this? I can’t imagine that so ever will…x

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Hi lynneth. I am further on than you but still have no idea how we come to terms. But survive we will, we will find a way through this. I take each day good or bad and plan to do something every day. I am a keen rambler and own two dogs so go out for long walks everyday. I also have allotments and spend a good bit of time looking after them. I go to the gym and of course have the house and garden as well. I’ve decorated the house. Painted the outside, do the garden and now filling the greenhouse with tomato’s and cucumbers, and spent months sorting Brian’s things as he was a hoarder and had so much for me to go through. tomorrow I’m joining a work party at the allotment. It’s a struggle to be with a group of people but if I don’t try I will never improve. If I sit I become upset so keeping on the move is my way of coping. I now find that I don’t seem to need people too much although I see plenty to have a chat to when out with the dogs and at the allotment.
I am still overwhelmed by grief but the marginally better days are coming. I hang onto my thoughts of hope for a future of some sort.
Take care Pat xxx

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Dear Patti

My son is also a musician so eventually he will have the guitars that mean the most. He wants to keep Gary’s music room as it is for the time being - so I am happy to agree to that. We think we will perhaps give a guitar to his oldest friend - they played together in the school band - so first ever gig, the son of one of Gary’s band mates -who has hero worshipped him since he was 7 and is now a very accomplished musician -and maybe the son of the singer of his band - who he promised he would keep an eye on when he died, and who was in a band with my son and who Gary was very fond of. But I am leaving that to my son - the guitars are his legacy.
I spoke with another neighbour yesterday - hard - but we have so many people where I live that are kind and considerate and who all knew Gary. It is hard talking to them for the first time - but I think it makes me want to stay here - well at least for now. I think I will want to move eventually - but not yet.
Have someone dropping in for coffee in a minute so better go. Maybe message again later. Hope your day is a positive one today.
Take care
Trishax

Hi Adele understand your need for privacy when you are struggling, but have not heard from you for a while, hope you are ok, remember everyone on here is here for you take care
Jan x

I’ve also sent a message to Adele but heard nothing back. Let us know your alright Adele. We don’t want to hassle you if you want peace but we care that your alright.
Love Pat xxx

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I have sent a couple of PM but no reply, I know she wasn’t in a good place (are any of us) she has always replied in the past so a little bit concerned for her
Jan x

Hi pat wondered if you had heard anything from Adele, she still hasn’t replied to my PM
Jan x

No, I’ve heard nothing. I even let her have my telephone number but she seems to have shut us out. I am worried about her also.
Please Adele contact one of us.

Love Pat xx

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