So heartbroken..anyone awake?

My darling Pauls funeral was yesterday
I feel so lost.around 75 people went, Paul had finished 28yrs
In the RAF just as i met him.
We were together 22yrs
He was 65, fit, worked as gas engineer.
He left that morning, said, luv yer, see you later.
He collapsed at customers, blue lighted to local hospital
Then blue lighted to Addenbrookes and after 5hr operation he was pronounced dead from brIn hemorrhage
Yesterday, his coffin was carried into Blue Skies by Birdy (RAF goodbye)
Then Celine dion…Because you loved me
And final song…F1 theme tune, he loved F1
I lay here crying…i just dont know if i can go on without him.
The pain i in my heart is unbearable.
Im so distressed and heartbroken
I should be sleeping, its 1.20am… but i cry and cry


Hi I’m awake if you would like to talk


Hi Susan I am so very sorry for your loss.Sleep doesnt come easy when you have lost the love of your life the tears constantly flow.Its very very early days for you they say time is a healer.Its not really.Its 12 years next month since I lost my hubby .He was never ill we went to bed one night and died in bed next to me.The shock was unbelievable but with the help of our son our only child I we managed to carry on and support each other and have some good times along the way.My son passed away last March my tears are for him now too but know he is with his dad.But I yearn to have them both back with me.2.15 a.m now tears flowing.But Susan I will get up tomorrow and carry on as you must.You will carry on without Paul it will not be easy pain is unbearable but we have no choice.I send my love and hugs to you.One day at a time thats all we can do xxxxx


My condolences to you on the death of your beloved Paul. Your grief is still raw and the initial shock is just wearing off. I’m sorry that you have to travel this long and painful journey. There is little anyone can say to ease your distress but know that all of us here witness your grief and understand. Grief never goes away but eventually there will be moments of calm, times when you will laugh, times of hope.

My own husband died 17 months ago aged 67. I’m still heartbroken, still grieving, still have so many regrets but I also try to live my life with him in mind and in my heart, to take him forward with me into a future that doesn’t look how we had anticipated it. I’m fortunate to have a supportive family and good friends who help me to live and not just exist. Even so, it’s 2.30am and I too am awake and cry and cry. Some nights are fine, at other times it hits like a tsunami. To you, and all of us who are grieving, I wish you courage, strength, love, hope and comfort. I hope you have people around you that will support you as you face a different future. I wish you peace. Take care.


Hi Graham
So sorry, I listened to the radio and dropped off to sleep eventually. If you dont mind me asking, have you recently lost a loved one too?

Hi @Susan10

It sounds as if you did him proud yesterday but it is SO difficult isn’t it?
The shock of all that has happened will take time to come to terms with, never mind the grief. Please know that we are all here for you and have all lost our beloved partner in life, which I have realised
Is a grief beyond any other.
I wish you peace in time as you begin to accept the loss. That in itself can be hard to believe in the early days.
I am 8 months in to my journey alone and some days it is less painful than others. I keep busy which hides it from myself as well as others but it’s the only way I know and my darling husband was always such a hard worker he leaves a lot of practical gaps as well as the HUGE emotional one.

Sending you hugs and love xxx


Thank you for the kind words Karen xx


I to have trouble sleeping some nights i dont sleep at all then i feel like a zombie plodding though the day mostly in a haze my darling jim not far from my mind. Its been 16 months for me and i can honestly say that its not got any easier. Alright im been away on hols and tried to live for both of us,but its so hard not having him beside me. I know he would want me to live my life and do the best i can, but i miss him so much. Only today i had to do some DIY putting a clothes rail up and i thought jim would do this but we have to do our best he would laugh if he saw it dont think its quite straight, but my eye sight is not to good at moment but i tried and thats all we can do. Sending you a hug and hope you get some sleep tonight :sleeping:



I am the same as my husband was fine when he went to sleep and I woke to find him gone
I can’t explain the pain but I know now I never believed it had happened until the funeral that broke me and my daughter the time before I don’t remember at all
It happened 15 August and now I take baby steps and say my husband would want me to carry on for our daughter and wouldn’t want me giving up
So I have a new job for 2023 and I get up each day and do the best I can for him


My love to you Anne Marie yes we have to carry for the sake of our men and you for your daughter also.Very hard though .Take care xxxx


Well done @Misprint
I know my Richard would laugh at some of the DIY I’ve done since he died. As you rightly say, we can only do our best. x


@Marg1 and @Annmarie22
I can’t believe the pain of losing your darling loved ones as you slept. What a terrible shock you both had.
I hope you can gain some comfort, as I do after my husband sudden death, that if we had a choice for ourselves, most of us would say we’d like to go suddenly or in our sleep.

Sending you both my love. xxx


Thank you
You are right people pity me because of the way my husband went but i say it was amazing for him as didn’t have the hospital which he hated always discharged himself from out local hospital as he didn’t trust them
It is the best way no suffering xxx


Hi Susan I lost my partner just before Christmas I miss her so much I go to the cemetery every day after work some days I just cry for her how are you copping


AnneMarie I understand what you are saying about people think it so awful that our partner should go in their sleep.But it is better than suffering a long time in pain.Still devastating beyond words though.Amazingly my husband was never ill.He had an accident when he was 18 left him a Paraplegic when it happened he spent almost 2 years in hospital .When he passed he had been in a chair for nearly 50 years never had to go to hospital again.He was a Paralympian and worked all his life.Then on the other hand when our son died in March last year he went in hospital for help with his breathing never came out.But he suffered so much cancer COPD chronic pain. It was heartbreaking to see your only child suffer I miss him with every part of my being.I know his dad couldnt have coped with seeing his boy suffer so much.Life so hard at times.I try and think of our happy times but the tears I think will flow forever.I do think this forum helps us to open up.God bless you all on this Forum xx


I saw your message. I think it was yesterday. Im so sorry. Its horrendous.
Im awake now if you want to chat.
Big hugs

Jane xx


Hi Graham1

I feel your pain.
I visit the cemetery and cry.
Sleeps not easy is it on your own. I hate the nights.


1 Like

Hi graham
Thanks for asking. Not too good, cry alot
I think im going to get some professional councilling
So tough isnt it Graham ?


Oh my dear lady I am so sorry to hear this,I lost my wife ,Judith ,to bladder cancer 16 months ago,she was my life just like Paul was to you.Grief is horrendous ,it never leaves you alone,just keeps eating away at you.You will miss Paul every day now as long as you live as I do my Judith.My thoughts are with you. Michael.


Hi @Marg1
I was a physio in a spinal unit for 3 years from 1982 - 1985 and went to the para games as an escort several times. I stayed as secretary to the wheelchair basketball team for many years.
What sport did your husband do?
PM me if you’d rather.
Karen xxx