So incredibly lonely after losing my Mum

I lost my Mum around 9 months ago to a brain tumour, and the first few months I actually felt ok, but in the last few months I’ve felt so lonely I can’t stand it. I’m 24 and still live at home with my brother and my dad. My dad has completely thrown himself into work- he works ridiculous hours and hardly ever takes a break, then when he does he’s just too exhausted to do anything. I moved back home from Birmingham not too long ago to be with my family, so I left my job and am now looking for work but all I do ALL day is tidy up after the boys. I don’t have anyone to talk to- I miss mum SO much and I feel angry at her for leaving me like this. My dad just isn’t emotionally available anymore- sometimes he’ll talk about he feels about Mum passing away, but never asks how I am, and if I’m upset or want a chat he doesn’t listen and just blocks me out by working. I feel like he doesn’t even like me anymore- sometimes I think if he could change it, I would swap places with mum. I’m so angry at dad because since Mum’s not here, he spends 95% of his time and energy on his job, and I feel like he’s neglected me and just left me to deal with it on my own. Sorry for moaning im just so sick of being so lonely, I want my Mum back so much.

Dear @RachWBA, I was thinking how you’re getting on the other day when West Brom were playing and I got reminded of you, I recall you saying before how you are having difficulty with feeling as if no one is understanding how much you are suffering because you don’t cry and so people think you’re doing ok, and that you had some difficulty with your dad. I think you were talking about how you had started a new job at the police, I am sorry you have had to leave that job and move back, because you did mention that you liked that job. It must be frustrating that your dad isn’t able to talk to you about your grief, I guess that’s what many guys do, just keep themselves really busy because they have difficulty talking when emotions are involved, I don’t really know what to say, just wanted you to know that I do understand how difficult life is for you and that I hope it does get a buit better soon.

Hi RachWBA, I am sorry for the loss of your Mum. I can understand how you feel as I lost my Mum to cancer in March and have never felt pain like it. I no longer live at home though but do have the added worry of my Dad living on his own and hoping he is OK. Everyone deals with grief differently and it sounds like your Dad’s way of coping is to throw himself into work. He might struggle to talk about your Mum and have shut down his emotions as a way of coping. My Dad doesn’t talk to me about how he is feeling and tends to keep his emotions to himself. He has never been one to talk about how he feels in any situation. I have to say I am also the same and struggle to talk about my Mum with people around me, but find it easier to talk on here and other places with people that have been through similar. I think that sometimes grief is a very lonely place. It is also difficult when no one around you is likely to understand, I know most people my age still have their parents so that is hard too. I just wanted you to know that I understand, as many of us do on here and we’re here to listen if it helps you x

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I’m so sorry. I have no words of advice. I lost my Mum in Feb. I feel so lonely. I just want to chat to her. My husband doesn’t talk for hours on end, my sister has aspergers and sometimes doesn’t understand the conversation. My stepdad is struggling. I feel like she was the only person who understood me, the only person who knew how I was feeling before I even did. I’m surrounded by people I love and who love me but I’m completely on my own without her on my life. Xxx

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Hi Abdullah- I am so sorry for not getting back to you! Your message made me smile a lot, we got a point away from home tonight at Liverpool so very happy with that!

Thanks so much for your lovely message. Yes, I started a new job in the police in April but left in July as I really struggled being away from home. My dad has been amazing, I couldn’t ask for a better dad, I really couldn’t. It’s just so tough when I feel like he wants to be on his own all the time, which I can’t blame him for because that’s how he copes. But I feel so incredibly lonely, like I could just disappear and no one would notice. Over December and Christmas he’s been so quiet and also really touchy, it’s just so rubbish. It’s so hard that I don’t have mum to lean on anymore, and all her family support both me and my dad but I don’t have anyone who is just there for me and will understand my point of view. Thanks for listening xx

Hi! Thanks so much for your lovely message. I’m so sorry to hear abut your Mum. Yes, dad’s just thrown himself into his job which I know many people do, but it’s so tough. I just want to spend time with him, but I really really really struggle when he shuts down and wants to be alone, I feel completely abandoned, and I’m not blaming him because that’s what people do to cope but it makes me feel so unloved and just like a huge burden. I just wish mum was here to talk to about it, I miss her so much it hurts xx

I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum, and I can completely relate to how you’re feeling. it’s like someone has cut you in half isn’t it. My Mum died in Jan this year, and I’m struggling that people think because it’s been a year that I should somehow be more accepting of it, or feel better, and I don’t at all xx

Aww Rach I’m sorry to hear about your loss and how you’ve been feeling. I’m also 24 and my Dad suddenly passed away earlier in May. My parents split up years ago but I can feel quite upset at how my mum has been. She hasn’t really supported my at all throughout the entire process. Me and my Dad were close and could talk about anything. I miss that. Hope you’re feeling a bit better? xx

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