I also lost mine on 5th april this year god knows how to get thro this be nice to talk to u im 56 he was 68. We were together 30yrs. Nicole somerset
2 Likes
I’m sorry for your loss. I am 55 and my husband was 67. We were married for almost 35 yearsI don’t know how I’m going to get through this either.
2 Likes
5 Likes
My husband was 60 and we were married 35 years ! Hard isnt it … the pain does subside with time you know but i not gonna lie its gonna take time. God bless xxx
Aw thats made me 
how lovely xx
1 Like
Two things you have said there, Tiffany, chime with me. Having to just exist. That sums it up. And letting our bodies work like a machine. I’m trying to listen to my body and my mind in order to “live”. Live in inverted commas, as it does just feel like existence. It’s been 3 months and I wasn’t prepared for it to feel worse than it did for the first month. After the shock and the funeral, the reality has set in. That’s it. Whatever you had, it’s gone and you won’t get it back. Somehow you will have to learn how to be without it. It’s like you have to reinvent yourself but it can’t be forced, won’t happen quickly. There’s no script, just your own, very personal journey. We understand a lot of what each other is going through. It’s very similar. But in the end, we each have our own very personal, individual experiences. We need to accept them as part of us and don’t let other people make you feel they are not normal or legitimate. Some people just don’t get it, especially if they’ve never been there.
4 Likes
Nope youre so right people don’t get it ! Even my own family don’t get it ! I agree we are all on our own personal journey but by sharing our feelings and thoughts it really does help to not feel you are alone or in some way strange for what you are feeling - i thought at beginning it was only me who had such strong feelings but being on this site has made me realise its not just me x
2 Likes
You both are so right. I remember reading somewhere that the early days for a widow are classed as the first few years (not weeks or months like I thought)…like you say it’s like having to reinvent yourself and learning to live without a limb … without a part of you. And yes …is nice to feel like it’s not just you and family are pretty clueless with it all unfortunately. What to say, what to do. I wish mine would just Google it! I think it’s awful too that realisation…when things start to hit , that the early days you were numb and in shock…but now the feeling happens xxx
5 Likes
Yeh its true isnt it as reality bites the crapness of it bites too 
i miss him so much its not fair ! I didn’t want him to go so why did he !! I tried so hard to keep him with me all in vain and all with as little help from the NHS as they could manage !! Huh … damn useless they are !!
1 Like
My reality is biting this week. I miss him so much and the reality is hard. I’m trying to be strong and getting on but it really is little things that hit me hard, like getting some summer clothes out and realising he will never see me in them again and I will never get to wear them on our summer holidays together. Such a random thing and it’s floored me this week. Someone else said on here about how I will get older but he will always be 49, that sucks to be fair, we were supposed to age together.
It’s a hard day today, I’ll be glad when it’s done!
6 Likes
I have the middle bit of that Winnie the Pooh quote on a necklace. I have always loved Winnie the Pooh and he’s helped me through some of my life’s difficult times so it made sense to turn to him when I lost my husband rather suddenly just over 2 months ago. My daughter thought that this quote was so appropriate for me as she felt I have always underestimated my abilities, problem is now she seems to think “I’m amazing and dealing with everything”!, I’m good at hiding things. I also used part of this quote on a copy of a picture of Winnie the Pooh and Piglet which I drew and put in the casket with him.
2 Likes
@Ali29 I’m nearly 6 months in and the random things still come up. I was looking to put a photo in my Skype profile and all the photos I had were of the two of us and that was it. I couldn’t do it, just ambushed. I think this will be with us for a long time. Love xxxx
5 Likes
Yeh same here ! Im gonna have a nice hot bath a gin and tonic and an early night 
xx
3 Likes
Jan 17 I am new to this group and came across your post. I am so sorry for your loss. I am also 55 and lost my husband 3 years ago now very suddenly and in a different country which was very stressful.
Even after 3 years I still get bouts of incredible loneliness. You will find the strength to carry on. People say it gets easier but my experience is it doesn’t get easier you just learn to cope without them. I I have two incredible daughters who keep me grounded, I have even just returned to work part time. Stay strong I’m here if you need to chat x
4 Likes
@Deb5
Yes on the wine and chocolate!
4 Likes
Thanks for your reply Dewdrop. I’m sorry for your loss. Everyone says it gets better or you just learn to live with it, which seems impossible to imagine at the moment. I have a daughter who is very supportive but I really don’t think any one really understands unless they have lost their partner. As I’m sure you know. It’s every minute of every day that you are reminded they are not there. I am also here if you need to chat. Take care. Xx
4 Likes
@Jan17 I am sorry so for what you are going through and I totally understand. I lost my wife just over a year ago and family, friends and work have been amazing, but they can’t help with the desperate loneliness. I have found sharing on this group helps, but doesn’t replace the loneliness. I am the same age and my wife was 50, but we had so many plans all of which are shattered now. Keep strong and talking x
5 Likes
The loneliness, yearning and the future that you thought you would have with them just disappearing into thin air are some of the worst things about loosing a partner x
7 Likes
@Rusty54 so sorry for your loss. I think the loss of our future plans and time we thought we had is the toughest. Take care.
6 Likes
Hi Jan 17
So sorry for your sad loss it is hard losing your love one.
We do have the ability to adapt in time to our loss things will improve I lost my wife over 3 years ago and like you I thought I would never cope none of us wanted to be members of this club but we all understood how you feel
Take care X
4 Likes