So lost

My mam passed away in November 2020. She was my best friend, my rock. She lived close by in what had been my childhood home where she had brought me up on her own.

Despite seeing her and having a cuppa with her every day, she kept from me that she planned to take her own life at some point while she still had the capacity to do so. And that’s exactly what she tried to do.

I did find her in time, however, she was detained in a secure hospital for her own safety as she was adamant thats what she still intended to do.

On her 13th day there, she suffered an unwitnessed fractured skull and brain hemorrhages and died 6 days later having never regained consciousness.

I struggle that she had never shared her thoughts with me, maybe I could’ve helped? It’s left me questioning whether I ever really knew her. And the feeling of not being good enough, it’s overwhelming and affecting relationships in every aspect of my life.

There is no closure as yet, so it is very difficult to move forward mentally and emotionally, let alone physically.
I’ve still to sort through her things and I’m dreading doing so. The thought of parting with her is just so difficult, but its obviously impossible to keep her entire home.

Please, does anyone have any advise on any of this?
I just feel so lost atm.

Hi @Marylou, thank you for posting here and welcome to the community. I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your mam. The way you’re feeling is completely understandable.

Most people on the community have experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through. Our hope is that you will find the community a good source of support.

You may also find the resources and articles on our website helpful. This link will take you to them:

Keep on reaching out and know that we are here for you.

Take care,

Online Community team

Thank you Mick.
I’m glad I’ve stumbled across this site, it already makes me feel a little less alone.

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