My mam passed away in November 2020. She was my best friend, my rock. She lived close by in what had been my childhood home where she had brought me up on her own.
Despite seeing her and having a cuppa with her every day, she kept from me that she planned to take her own life at some point while she still had the capacity to do so. And that’s exactly what she tried to do.
I did find her in time, however, she was detained in a secure hospital for her own safety as she was adamant thats what she still intended to do.
On her 13th day there, she suffered an unwitnessed fractured skull and brain hemorrhages and died 6 days later having never regained consciousness.
I struggle that she had never shared her thoughts with me, maybe I could’ve helped? It’s left me questioning whether I ever really knew her. And the feeling of not being good enough, it’s overwhelming and affecting relationships in every aspect of my life.
There is no closure as yet, so it is very difficult to move forward mentally and emotionally, let alone physically.
I’ve still to sort through her things and I’m dreading doing so. The thought of parting with her is just so difficult, but its obviously impossible to keep her entire home.
Please, does anyone have any advise on any of this?
I just feel so lost atm.