so lost

i loss my husband just over 2 years ago.we were married for forty nine years.He died from sepsis after being in hospital for a week.I thought he was getting better but i was told that he had a perforated bowel and they could not operate on him as he was to weak to survive the operation .I have always felt guilty as i think to myself that i could have done more .I miss him every day and my life seems so empty without him.I hate being on my own especially at night.The time seems to really drag on and on.I would give everything to have him back with me again.Feeling so lost and alone.Does anybody feel the same way?

Hi Brendaj, I lost my husband in January and can really relate to how you are feeling. We were married 28 years and I feel so lost and lonely without him, nights and weekends are the worst times. I feel guilty about the last weeks of his life and blame myself that I didn’t do more to help even though I know in my heart the outcome was inevitable. I don’t know what the future holds for us but we can only be united in our grief and continue as best we can x

Hello Brendaj, I am so sorry for your loss, you are in a similar position to me, my husband died three years ago last week and we were married for 47 years and together for 50. He was in and out of hospital for the past 2/3 years of his life with Pneumonia due to Emphysema, he was on 24/7 oxygen and I was his 24/7 carer. No, don’t feel guilty, because there was nothing more you could have done because the hospital would have taken your husband’s care out of your hands, just as they took my husband’s care out of my hands. After three years I am still lost without him, life will never be the same because we have lost our future with the men we spent most of our lives with. I still take one day at a time, getting out of bed in the morning knowing when I get downstairs there is nothing to do, the house is spotless. We had a German Shepherd Dog that was my husbands best friend so for the last three years I had something to get up for, take him for a walk, he used to sit with his head on my knee when I cried. He kept me going but then he died nearly 8 weeks ago and it was like I lost my husband all over again. I honestly don’t know what the answer is, because you cannot love someone for all those years then expect to get over it after a few months, it is impossible. We just have to get on with it knowing that we are not the only ones in the same position, but there is one thing that many people never get and that is a long happy life with a loved one, some people never have the years you and me had with our husbands so for that I thank the lord for what I was given. We will never stop loving and missing them and in just over three weeks time it would have been our Golden Wedding Anniversary so I have to get through that. Just take one step at a time that is all we can do. Take care. Sheila xxxx

Hello Joanne

Thank you so much for your reply to my post.I am so sorry for your loss you must really feel lost without him after all the years you spent together.What I miss more than anything is the closeness we shared and i expect you feel the same way about your husband. What you said about you knowing that the outcome with your husband made me really think that you are right and there nothing i could have done to change things and all i can do is carry on with my life as i have no other choice.
Brendaj xxxx

thank you so much for your reply to my posts
What you said to me about the hospital taking my husbands care out of my hands made me really think.You are right looking back now i know i could have not anything to change the outcome to what happen to him.I feel the same way as you but i can not get used to him not being here any more.The house feels so empty no matter what you do to try and pass away the time with.But i know i will have to try and get used to living on my own now as i have no choice.

Hello Brendaj, thank you for replying. I know what you mean, the house is so empty it echoes, every creak, every bang I notice especially when it is windy. Before Barney, our German Shepherd dog died a few weeks ago, even though Peter was not here, it always felt as though he was, I think it was because Barney was still with me and he was Peter’s pet, they adored each other and the house never seemed empty as Barney was always waiting for me when I came downstairs in the morning or had been out. But when Barney died it seemed as though Peter left with him and since then I haven’t sensed Peter or Barney. I know my house (I no longer call it a home) is much too large for me now, I also have large gardens but there is no way on this earth I would move as this is where all my memories are, our children growing up, all our pets we had living here, there are just too many to turn my back on, I know if I found another place my memories would come with me but it would never be the same, I can look out of the window at my back garden, close my eyes and visualise my husband playing games with our sons when they were young children, all the pets we had over the years playing with them, all the trees and bushes we planted when the boys were babies over 40 years ago still keep flowering year after year, how could I leave all that behind. I will never get used to this lonely life, how can I when my life was always full of love and fun. We are now stuck with the lives we have now got and have to make the best of it. I don’t like it, I absolutely hate it, but I have to live with it and hope and pray that one day I will be with my husband again. You take care. Sheila xxxx

1 Like

Reading all these messages just echo everything I feel and my emotions. Its 5 months since my husband died. I miss him so much because he was not only my husband but my best friend. He was always there for me, so placid and calm. The thought of the next 20 years living without him is so daunting. Like you say the house is so empty, no one to chat to in the evening, no one to share a meal with. Its a completely different way of life that we all have to grasp now. This site helps me to relise Im not alone in this situation, there are others out there suffering as I am.
May God bless us all and keep us going forward.

Hello Shelia
I hope you do not mind me writing to you as I feel so sad today.I hate the silence in the house all the time. People keep telling me to join clubs.But I have been to one and I can not relax when I am with by a lot of people around me.I don,t know if it is because of trying to cope with everything on my own.Beside when i go out all i can think about is that my husband should be with me and he is not.
Do you think the same way as me?
The trouble is my daughter lives two hundred miles away so does my son and my sister.I can not travel down to Kent as i have got a lot of health problems to cope with.I hope you don,t mind me asking you does your family live near you.I miss my family so much.I have not seen my daughter since April and my sister has not come up to see me since my husband funeral.It really upsets me as I think nobody cares about me anymore.They cant even give up one day to come here.They all say they care maybe they do but but they have got a funny way of showing it.I just wish I had a real friend who i could go out with but people where i live don,t want to mix with anybody.
So sorry you lost your dog barney.You must really miss his company .I have only had cats in my life but I lost both of them.It seems to me that every time i get close to someone i lose them.
sorry to be so miserable but i cant help it that is how i feel
I hope you are okay today