So lost

My name is Ian and I’m so very lost I just don’t know what to do with myself. My darling wife passed away on the 9th January at 21.25 in hospital and it was the most horrible experience I’ve ever had. She had been fighting for life since being taken ill on Boxing day, but finally she was taken. During the latter part of her fight she said to me " I don’t want to go, I love you too much". The doctors were surprised that she lasted as long as she did, pure determination on her part I guess. Finally I couldn’t bare seeing her suffer any more and leaned close to her ear and said " It’s time to go my darling but know that you take my love with you, now and always". She gripped my hand tight and passed away soon after.
Now my days are endless and pointless in the extreme. I hadn’t drunk in over 30 years, but now the only way I can sleep is to drink wine and pass out. All the joy of life has gone and I can’t ever see it coming back. Just before Christmas we purchased a new home in Scotland, which was going to be our dream home forever. We had loads of plans for the future and were looking forward to several years together full of happiness, but now it’s all gone. It’s just a house now, not the home we planned. I go out to get away from people and this house and drive endless miles, but the car is so empty without my Linda. Every thing reminds me of her and it just breaks me up. I can’t either envisage a future without her and I don’t want one either. We’ve been through so much together, good and bad, and depended upon each other completely, and now she’s gone.


Hello @Ian6

I’m so sorry to hear about your darling wife. It sounds as though things are very overwhelmingly difficult for you at the moment and you are feeling like the joy from your life has disappeared with your wife, this is devastating for you.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share these links with you to help you with your grief.

You might already be familiar with our other Online Bereavement Support services, but if not, you can find out more about our Online Counselling service, our Grief Coach text support service, and our Grief Guide self-help tools by visiting the link.

You may also find this Sue Ryder help pages useful - What’s your grief? Understanding Grief, Alcohol and Your Brain: Understanding Grief, Alcohol and Your Brain - Whats your Grief

Take care - keep reaching out,


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My husband struggled but unfortunately I wasn’t there at the end. I couldn’t get there in time.
I wish I knew how it was for him at the end. It was horrendous. I can understand how you want to drive. I couldn’t do that like when I was younger. But if it helps. Whatever gets you through.
Me it was gardening. That was last year but it is too cold now.
Distraction is my go to now. Keep posting on here

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Im so sorry for your loss, it is very raw for you at the moment. My husband died 9 weeks ago and i was with him till the end. He was diagnosed 4 weeks before dying. It was the most horendous time of our lives. I try not to, but I am always reliving those weeks and am heartbroken. Take one day at a time and look after yourself. Keep posting on here.


Thank you so much for your kind words and I hope you keep strong.

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Yes, it is hard to watch a loved one pass and to date it just keeps getting worse. I hope you find peace and manage to handle all the difficulties that arrive.

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@Enorac I’m sure he saw you when you got there . He could have gone to spare your suffering . I didn’t see my husband he died at home and I was on benidorm