I posted something on social media today, I had a memory that popped up of my husband Derek on a holiday 10 years ago, he looks so happy & as I remember him, enjoying life. I reposted it as you do, but I said I’m so lucky we made these memories. I’m almost 3 years along in my journey & I’ve had & still have some very dark days, but today I saw his beautiful smiling face & gosh how much I miss him but I felt lucky to have been a big part of his very happy life. What we sometimes forget in our journey of grief is that our loved ones were happy, we are the ones left with the should haves, could haves, if only’s …. Xxx
Thank you for sharing a beautiful post. How lovely to have so many memories and photos that keep us going in our dark days.
Hi , I understand what you mean . We were the lucky ones to have had such a wonderful life with our partners . And to have experienced such a love , that is still with us in everything we do . And to know that our partners had the best life we could give them and all the love they deserved for being such a special person to us . They are not in any pain now . Nothing can ever hurt them . For that I am thankfull . All I can do is keep on trying to get through each hard day without them . And keep my husband in my heart forever . Xtake carex
What a wonderful attitude and I hope more people read this topic you have started and realise that there is happiness to be found in our loss because of our memories and the love we have been lucky enough to share.
I have a friend who has recently lost her husband but her religious beliefs are helping her to get through her grief.
Many of us feel that when we lose our partners they take part of us with them but she feels that her husband has left part of him with her which is lovely when you think about it. 52 years together and a large family yet she is happy that her husband is now out of pain and starting his new life on the other side. No self pity or anger she just gives thanks for the years with this man. So refreshing.
Wish I could think& feel that way but 18 months on & it only gets harder, hurts more.
Wish I could.
I am seven months without my lovely husband and I am the same as you. If I think of all the good times it just breaks my heart and I just think that’s it, no more. Sorry if this upsets or spoils what could be a positive thread but I can’t think about anything like that as it tears me apart.X
My wife was the most amazing partner. In every way she is entrenched in me forever.
It’s a mix of very sad thoughts and very beautiful thoughts I have now , one day the sadness will go , I 100% know this . I can’t bare to look at memories at times , other times I look with pride .
I think for me on that day, when I saw his smiling face, it brought me comfort knowing that my husband was happy & I know I made him happy & that made me smile. Within myself I am not the same person without him as he was the one that made me happy, he made my days brighter & better & I miss him every single minute of every day but I do feel very lucky to have made those memories with him.
I found the second year that you’re currently going through so very hard because everyone else has moved on & you feel less like you can share your sadness. You’re trying to find the point of your life on your own, that’s the hardest part of this journey because we don’t want to do it. I’m not there yet, don’t know if I ever will be, but I am at the point where I know I have to try.
Sending love & strength
You are still so very early on in your grief, I still battle every day but I am hoping that my words bring some light. Being able to look & see how happy we made our loved ones, that the memories made together will one day bring more joy than sadness, that’s all we can hope for, the rest is the hard part, the part we didn’t ask for, learning to live a life without them. But I found that day a comfort that the memory made me smile & made me proud to have made him happy.
Sending love, Take care
I do agree with you. The first year is awful but we live in hope that the next will be better and when we find ourselves still a mixed up mess it really can bring us down further. The third year started to bring some light with it and that heavy weight we carry around with us seems to become lighter but that is not to say I don’t still have moments of terrible grieving and I think these times might be for ever but I do now have enjoyable days although I am no longer the same person.
I too feel I am at a point where I may be able to offer some help to those that are suffering in their early days of grief. We do survive but life has changed and we have to try and accept this and make the best of what we now have.
My heart goes out to you because I know exactly how you are feeling and it does seem to become harder instead of easier. Our love for them becomes stronger than ever and the pain is so intense.
I agree, my friends attitude is very uplifting and I don’t know how she does it. I am also trying to give thanks for the man that was so important to me.
I feel exactly the same, for me it’s been 15 months and the sense of heartbreak and loss has only deepened not abated. I’ve tried to overcome this but I just can’t.
The more you loved someone the worse is the grief you suffer, I expect that is true.
Here is the poem I found online.
Grief is the price we pay for love,
Leaving memories to treasure,
Heartaches shared by ones who care,
Plus a lifetimes love and pleasure.
No one knows the pain and hurt,
The loneliness it leaves,
Or understands your simple need,
To be alone and grieve.
To recall those days in happier times,
Full of gaiety and laughter,
When both held hands to say “I Do”
And be happy ever after.
Only time can heal those painful scars,
The scars no one can see,
Wounds so deep they tear the soul,
And will never set you free.
Things come back to haunt you,
A dream in troubled sleep,
A photograph from holidays,
Or a trinket that we keep.
The coolness of those salty tears,
How many can one shed?
Enough to water every flower,
In your favourite flowerbed.
Hi . Your words are so true . And the poem beautiful . Thank you for sharing . It will be a year on Saturday , when my world stopped turning , my heart shattered . And my happy future gone . It’s a very emotional time . But then every day is emotional . When the best part of me is missing . My husband took it with him as well as my happy life . Xtake carex
A beautiful poem and so true. Even after 15 months, the tears and heartbreak are always with me. X Julie
Hello…I feel the same as you and couldn’t agree more. My husband, Derek, passed away in January 2019. We had so many happy times together and he was so positive and enjoyed life. I have moments of great sadness but then one photo of a smiling Derek and I feel better. He would want me and our family to embrace his positivity. Sarah
I agree. I’m 27 months into it and it’s getting no easier.
Hi jodel712. Thanks for posting and shining the light. My lovely Sue passed suddenly 10 months ago. There are bad days and good but I am always buoyed up by nearly 28 years of our wonderful shared memories. I am the only one who can tell with eye-witness accuracy the stories of our times alone as a couple. When I go, the stories go too. Yesterday I sprinkled some of her ashes on a riverbank 5000 miles from home visiting one of her virtual internet friends who we should have met together. I am still travelling and creating new memories sometimes in old hideouts, but nothing new can live up to the wonderful life Sue gave me and the rich fountain of goodness that sprung from her. Love is a much too tepid word to encompass what she gave. Long live those memories.