I lost my partner in October last year. He was 44. We were together for 12 years.
He had many health issues on and off in the last 5 years. We were happy as much as you can be, I struggled a lot with his cancer diagnosis especially when they said no further treatment and was given 6 months to live. He lived for 2 of those 6 months.
After he passed away I had all his finances etc to sort out and managed to get on to his phone as he told me his password a couple of days before he died.
A couple of things when I turned on his phone. A text message from some person addressing him as her darling man and wishing him well with his treatment and that she’d like to see him soon and emails for dating websites. I was devastated!
I have had keep all of this to myself and it is killing me. Not only am I having to grieve the man I loved so much but I’m am heartbroken that he was cheating on me before he got really sick. I’m so angry and so confused.
I can’t tell anyone about what I found out as everyone tells me how wonderful my partner was and I can’t destroy that for our family and friends.
I just feel that I put my whole life on hold to look after and care for the man I loved so deeply to find out all this after he’d died.
I think I just need to get this out of my head so it feels like I’m telling someone what I’m really going through. Thank you x
Hi Jessica,that’s a hard one but please don’t dwell on it I know that’s easy to say but there’s nothing you can do about it only make yourself poorly thinking about it.I have things I dwell on too much that doesn’t do any good,nothing like your situation just greedy stepchildren who think they are entitled to everything even though we were together 38 years.
@Jessica2 that’s a difficult one and you immediately jump to the worst conclusion
While I don’t know the dynamics of your relationship or have any insight, and on the surface it doesn’t look great, but maybe take a step back
Just because someone called him her darling man, doesn’t necessarily mean he was having an affair - she knew he was ill and maybe a little overzealous in support? Maybe someone he’s known for a long time and thats just the evolved style of rapport
It’s very easy to read a text in isolation and join the dots, often it needs context
Dating sites - maybe he was just browsing or bored and curious what goes on - again not a great look, but not definitive he was actively pursuing it.
Not making excuses - you know him far better than anyone else - just things are not always as they appear on the surface and we tend to jump to worst possible conclusion with these types of things
Hi, hope you are ok. Lost my partner after 18 years suddenly; left with all the finances, one of those ‘we must write wills’, which we going to do. There are no children involved, but have had to give details of 3 older brothers who are definitely not dependent; in fact a lot better off than we were. Have given all the evidence of our time together; so waiting game. Sure we will be ok. Be strong, best to share & all are listening. Horrid times … loads love xx