I know it’s early days, my husband died four months ago. Although I’ve had support from friends and family, my times on my own are really miserable. So many tears at any time of the day. It seems the only way to stop is to try not to think about him and then I feel guilty as if I’m blocking him out. We were married for 50 years and I was his carer for 10 of those and now life is very empty. People are kind say “I know how you feel” but really they don’t. Although I’m sure there are many on here that do. Take care all. X
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Hello Jean
I lost my hubby 6 weeks ago .
Spent most of this week in tears.it just takes minor things to set me off.
We were together 34 years .
People have no idea how it engulfs you my family do not live nearby so only see them occasionally
Where I live I am fairly new my neighbours are wonderful though will do anything but I do jot like to bother them.
You are still like me in the grief area it is not for cowards .
I try to keep busy but I find the days very long
Luckily I have a dog who has kept me going or I may have just given up .
Do hope you feel better for sharing aways here for you take care xxx
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So sorry for your loss, my wife died a month ago , I cry every day and yearn for her to come back .
No one will know this pain unless it happens to them so in truth whatever they say won’t be right .
It’s a pain we never asked for , a life we don’t want but have to live it .
I’m the strongest around believe me and I’m struggling with this , it’s totally down to the utter love we had for our spouse so remember that .
I panic away from my house and my close friends, I’ve never ever been like that , I went out with my mate for lunch and all I wanted to was get home .
The best advice is a day at a time and I hope it gets a wee bit better , it will never heal but it will get to a point where you can smile in memory of them , take care x Glen
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Thank you Marg72 I’m sorry for your loss it truly is devastating. I hope that we both manage to cope some way or other. Jean
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Thank you Glen. I have the same experience with being out of the flat. On one hand it’s what I want but not once I get out. I feel like I’m leaving my husband behind which is totally illogical. Hopefully we will all get through this, we have to because as you say it’s not what we wanted but have no option. My husbands passing was not a shock but that made no difference whatsoever. Hope you manage day by day. Jean
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Hello Jean, Marg and Glenn I understand the pain you all feel as my husband died 4 months ago. We were together 50 years. I’ve lost my best friend and soulmate and I feel utterly devastated. As you say Marg the days are very long but I also have a dog and she is a great comfort. I still cry a lot Jean I think that is only natural when you love someone so much. I panic Glenn when out shopping, I usually have a list and go in the supermarket and keep my head down and just look up when I know I am near the isle I want. I am normally in and out within 15-20 mins whereas before I could wander around for an hour or more. I hope with time it will improve for us although I am sure we will never stop missing our partners. Love to all.x
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Sorry to hear this Glenn .
I know what you mean about getting out but just getting back home .
I don’t think the lockdown of 2 years helped .usually I will go anywhere drive anywhere but now I have to force myself .
I live in a lovely area for walking bur I just can not go anywhere where we went together with our dog.
Have decided to move it’s not a hasty decision just can’t bear to be on my own with no one nearby .
It’s the long days and being lonely you can only do so much gardening and tidying .
My daughter was horrified when she rang and I told her I was going to put new felt on the shed roof 
had to laugh at her reaction I may not be in first flush of youth but I will have a go.
So I promised to wait until her visit on Friday .
Just going through the toolbox set me off today
There are people going through the same as us it’s very sad hope you all be kind to yourself and take care xxx
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Looby lou hope it eases for you soon
I am sat here doing a shopping list never used to need one but I am totally in a flux when I am in the shop
Finally started buying food my cupboards and freezer were full because of having to care for my husband and not being able to get out much
My freezer is now much depleted .
I have not been able to touch all the special food I bought my hubby will put that to the food bank.
Do hope you are keeping well I am driven by trying to be kind to myself and have no guilt
Just want my hubby back I am lost as you all are feeling love to you 
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I feel the same I like to get out .but then when I am out .I just need to come home . sending hugs to you all xx
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Marg72
Your freezer thing is me to. It was full of food and special food for my beloved now it is empty. When I go shopping which is very rare I have had several melt downs and had to come out but live miles from a shop so had to go back in because the price of fuel now and my finances have changed dramatically. All these added things all mount up on top of grief and I cry most of the day
Jessica
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The similarities in us all I hope you are all taking some “comfort” from .
Knowing I’m not losing my mind and seeing you all be similar to me makes me think I will come through this .
She only died just over a month ago but had cancer so bad we knew a long time ago this would be our destiny.
However nothing on earth prepared me for this , I’m assured it’s normal because I loved her so much .
I’m not lonely, I’m lonely when I want to be , I have such good friends I could drop round most of their houses for company. However I’m too young, 54, too accept this is it for me , it may be but I feel 44 .
I hope you all find a way , keep sharing every day how you feel if you want , I mostly do , it helps .
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Sorry for your loss Jessica .
It is so sad we have to go through this .
I take comfort we were together at the end .
My poor hubby had cancer and we did know it was aggressive and nothing could be done .
Today I sat and did an on line shop it’s what I have done of late it’s not so stressful.
Just can not face going out but I changed my routine today and missed all the usual walkers I usually see did not want to talk I cried all night and I look dreadful .
My daughter thinks I should go for a little holiday but I can not even think where to go one woman alone with her dog . Not easy .
This afternoon I slept and I woke up teary but shook myself into trying to be positive how long that will last not sure
Hope you are feeling a bit better keep sharing lovely community on here xxxxx
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That is right Glenn keep sharing its nice you have people you can drop by and see .
It’s sad your poor wife so young .
It’s not the loneliness it’s the presence I can not cope with feel lost and unsettled can’t concentrate I have to force myself to think .
Hope you feel better too by sharing love to all
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How silly of me, I went through my wife’s coat pockets and studied all the little bits and pieces she had in them. Just some old ticket stubs and little bits of tissues, but they made me cry
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Oh @Ed9, I can so relate to that.
I went to write a cheque the other day.
First thing that set me off was looking at a cheque book with just my name on it and not our names.
Then, inside the leather cover thing that we always keep the cheque book in, I found a list that Mr Wingingit must have used to jog his memory whenever we were preparing to go away anywhere.
Handwritten in his terrible, shakey handwriting, saying things like “petrol”, “car wash”, “money from bank”, “dog bed and blankets” - we haven’t had a dog for years so goodness knows how old this list is!
So then I was off again, weeping, sobbing and sniffing.
I’ve just put the list back where it was though, in reality, I know it is of no practical use whatsoever - but it is another “link” - a small, tangible piece of evidence that he was here once.
God knows, I so, so wish he still was.
The food in the freezer resonates too - and the fridge, and the kitchen cupboards.
Full of things I’ll never eat.
I did foodbank for things that were donateable and simply binned what couldn’t be given away.
I felt I had to do that quickly otherwise I’d be sobbing every time I went in the fridge or freezer.
It’s not an easy journey this grief malarkey that’s for sure.
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