So much doubt

I am sitting at my computer trying to pass time by watching but not really watching TV and so many doubts are flooding my brain:
Did I love Andrew enough?
Did I tell him that I loved him often enough?
Did I look after him to the best of my abilities?
Was I caring enough?

I know I was short-tempered at times in the last year of our life together and said things I should not have said. I wish I could take it all back but I can’t.

Most of all, I bitterly regret any harm I might have caused. We were both strong-willed and did not suffer fools gladly but I wish I had been more loving than picking fights about silly things.

I love him dearly and I am keeping his memory alive in different ways, but I feel so guilty that I did not do more for him when he was alive.

I was recently given photos of him in his mid-twenties and I have fallen in love with him all over again, but I wish I could have known him then. I would have never let him go.

I love you darling and always will.


Being together 24/7 in lockdown 2020 proved tense at times. But we got thru it & made plans for 2021.
Similarly to you, Ive questioned myself many times since he passed Feb 2021.
Did I , should I , why didn’t I? I can apologise when I see him. :heart:
I even thought that while he was suffering the heart attack, he decided he didn’t want to stay any longer he’d had enough.
Irrational I know.

  • but I imagine him over the :rainbow: rainbow bridge and walking thru leafy lanes in beautiful country side with our dogs - -
    his happy place.

G. X


You did everything right don’t beat yourself up I’ve thought this constantly for my beautiful Lucy did I, didn’t I, could I have done more,what if,what that, I’m still thinking this my friend

Sending you all lots of :sparkling_heart: and :pray:

I’m slowly getting better and coming back to you all

Martin xx