So much regret

I am having a bit of a bad day today. I keep on thinking about all the things my partner and I should and could have done had he not died so suddenly with guilt and regret.

COVID-19 affected both of us for the last two year but him especially. Before he caught it in 2020 he was recovering well from a heart attack and we were planning to do many things. After it, all went to pot. We both recovered so to speak but were affected physically and psychologically. We hardly left the house for two years. He became especially inward looking. Because we both worked from home, it all became very claustrophobic and we were often ill-tempered.

I have so much regret for any bad words that were exchanged rather than telling one another that we loved each other more often.

Would he have known how much I loved him and how much I miss him?

The thought kills me.


Have no regrets or ifs or maybes - they can’t change anything but will gnaw away at you.
I’m sure all on here will get where you are coming from.
That’s just relationships isn’t it?
You were together a long time which speaks volumes.

G. X

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Be reassured that your husband knew you more than loved him… I too was a carer for over twenty years as my husband had rheumatoid arthritis then copd and finally lung cancer… I was struggling with some health issues and now regret not having said those important words more over time… However, we knew each other inside out after fifty years and I’m sure you, having chosen each other, had a solid foundation in each other… Big hug… xx

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Oh my goodness I had to reply to you when I read your post. After losing my partner of 28 years 8 months ago today I have been on a massive guilt trip. She hadn’t been well for years and I had been her carer for a long time before the cancer finally got her. She had four brothers that have always treated me like a fifth brother and are still doing so. They think I’m a saint for looking after their sister but in hindsight I know I could have done better. We didn’t have the life I wanted for us. I thought I’d done my best but now I can’t speak to her about it or change things I’m not so sure. They say that hindsight is a wonderful thing but at the moment all it’s causing me is pain.