So sad for husband

My husband is in his early 60s. Having been pretty healthy all his life, he was suddenly taken ill a couple of months ago and ended up with major emergency surgery, a diagnosis of a rare cancer, became bed bound, unable to eat and very frail, This week he has had a stroke and now cannot talk. He had been moved to palliative care only. I am devastated for him as I don’t think he has come to terms with the fact that he doesn’t have long left but I can’t have the conversation. It is distressing when he tries to speak and I can’t understand him. He loved his life and his job and has suffered much in hospital being treated to try to get it back, but in the end it cannot happen. I just don’t know what to say to him and I am so sad.


I am so very sorry. how hard! perhaps a doctor can advise you. they know these difficult conversations well. think of what you would want to hear. yes hope yes but to express how much love he created in your lives, the meaning he brought to your existence. :heartpulse:

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Thank you.

I’m so sorry for your situation. My wife died a painful death at home and she too never came to terms with her impending death until the very end. For most of the time I learned it was best not to push the subject. I wanted to talk about it immensely, but every time I tried it distressed her so I learned to simply do what she wanted, so we talked about her getting better and about future plans. That kept her calm and as comfortable as possible. It’s impossible to give advice in such an awful situation but if I could, I would suggest not forcing anything. Go with what settles your husband. For the time being all that matters is him and you will help him best by being there for him in the capacity he needs. I tended to talk about every day things just like we used to to.

My wife also lost the ability to speak so we came up with hand signals. Mostly just a thumbs up and I would go through a list of things she might want and wait to get the thumbs up to know what to do for her, such as move her or get a drink etc.

I wish I could help more. I know how hard this is for you.


My husband age 63 was in palliative care & unable to speak near the end. He could hear & understand, so our days where spent with me reading the newspaper to him, playing music or the radio, looking at old photos & reminiscing and lots of hugs.

I so sorry for the pain you are going through,
My husband had a heart attack and survived for 10 days after. He also lost most of his speech . I. watched him deteriorate and l know he knew. He cried a lot and kept saying sorry.
We have been together 40 years .
I showed him videos of our special needs so. that’s when he cried . I promised him that I was look after our son and he had nothing to be sorry about he was a fantastic dad and I will love him for ever.
He smiled and that was the last time he managed to speak before going into a coma and later died of pneumonia.

Thank you.