Hi I don’t know why but I feel so sad today. I think I’ve been getting by rather than living/coping. My eyes are streaming as I write this. I just want and need my husband so much. It’s two and a half years since he died and I still struggle to accept/believe he has gone and never coming back. I had hoped that things had improved but really I am just a mess inside. I keep a lot to myself as I can’t share how I really feel with my grown up children. I need one of his big hugs. Sorry for being so miserable.x
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No need to apologise for being miserable. I am miserable too. It’s just so bloody unfair! I can’t help wondering what the hell we did wrong to be punished like this.
He was a good man, but then so was my first husband.
I thought I had served my time as a widow. But no, here I am again.
Sometimes I think that I endured this once and I will do so again. On other days, like today, I think that I have run out of endurance and strength and I just want to scream and cry.
Life sucks. Xx
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Dear @Loobyloo2 , @Willow112
I am sorry.
I was like that yesterday.
We know bad days happen but they still take us by surprise and of course
are so very painful.
It is totally unfair. I don’t know why lovely, kind people are taken.
Sending big hugs.
I know they are not like ones from our loved ones and are virtual
but I hope they help a bit.
Rose xx
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Hey @Loobyloo2,
You make a good point about ‘getting by’ rather than living or actually coping. I’m only 95 days in and I can already see this will be my future how empty that seems. I’m so sorry you are having a bad day and there’s no big hug to be had. What I wouldn’t give to be in my husband’s arms. So I hear you and feel your longing.
I guess some days you have to dig even deeper to get by. Sending love 
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Hi @Loobyloo2 giving you a big hug. I too am crying whilst writing this, it seems there’s lots of us feeling a mess inside yet life is going on around us. You don’t need to apologise for feeling miserable, I’m saying this to you yet I isolate myself even more from people because I feel like a miserable mess. I lost my Mum a few months ago and for me I feel it’s getting worse and I long too for a hug, I’m broken inside and fear I may never move on. I feel like lots of people expect you should be OK but trust me lots just don’t understand the intensity of the relationship lost. I’m sorry I don’t know how to help you feel better I’m in the same boat. Have you had any counselling at all? I know though nothing we do will bring them back. Are you sure you can’t share how you feel with your grown up children? xx
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I too lost my husband 2 years ago. We had been married for 54 years so know I am lucky to have had a long and on the whole happy marriage but I feel no better than in the early days in spite of having a family and grandchildren. I just still feel totally broken and dread getting up every day. I moved house a year ago to be slightly nearer to my two sons but it has made me feel worse overall because I have no memories here so with hindsight made a mistake. Like you i just miss him so so much… it’s like a physical pain. sending you a hug.
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@Pat91 It’s my Mum that I lost Pat91 not my husband, I was so very close to my Mum. Sorry I’ve posted on here but the grief when it’s a relationship that’s been really strong is painful grief. I think it’s about the closeness of the person you’ve lost, how much a part of your everyday lives they were. I too feel physical pain at times, it hurts and don’t know what to do with it, sometimes I just feel like screaming. Hug to you to too Pat.
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Thank you everyone for responding to me. I’m just so fed up. I know I have to carry on but it’s so hard. Nothing has any pleasure or joy for me now. Who knows in the future it may get better/easier but will never stop loving or missing my husband. He meant the world to me. I constantly think about him and again that will never change.X
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Hi @Pat91 I have my house on the market and although I will be very sad to leave here I do think in the long run it will be better for me. X
Sometime mostvtimes I think hang on for what more pain mire tears mire heartache, I am so very lonely and lost. The tears never stop. I just wanna wake up from this horrible nightmare that has become my life. Xxxx
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Rainbow 11 I understand about grief with losing your mother. I was the same when i lost my dear mother too…just bereft. I am not emotionally very stable when losing someone; it haunts me. So I have every empathy with your loss of your dear Mum too.
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@Pat91
Thanks, I don’t feel very emotionally stable I feel very ungrounded at the moment. I’m crying every day and feel stuck.
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I think there must be something in the air today……l am sixteen months into this journey now. Have been coping relatively okay for the past couple of months, though some days are still very dark, work is a distraction, as are my lovely family. Am starting to get on with stuff that we’d talked about doing before he died, new kitchen being fitted in a few weeks time, stuff like that.
Sitting in my home office this morning, working on some spreadsheets. I caught a glimpse of a shadow on my screen, as if someone was crossing the landing behind me. I turned round and automatically called his name, thinking he had come upstairs as he often did while l worked. Of course, there was nobody there - and for the first time in a while, l bawled my eyes out.
I hate being without him, but l have to carry on and make the best of it, what else can any of us do, really? Big hugs to everyone out there
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Your heart just sinks doesn’t it YorkshireRose. Without thinking I went to phone my husband 2 days ago. When I realised what I was doing I inadvertently made the weirdest sound a human could make. I didn’t know I could make a sound like that. A sort of sob/gasp/wail combo. Then I just cried.
Dark days indeed. Sending love xx
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Morning All,
Well my darling partner passed away on 10th January, so 7 long and.painful months ago.
Oh how I wish this pain would ease. That awful inner sadness is constantly with me.
Sure many of you feel exactly the same.
Thinking of everyone on here and hoping you can make the best of the weekend.
Love Elite xx
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Thinking of you.
Sending you a big hug,
Love,
Rose xx
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Thanks so much Rose.
I am with family for a few days and had some tears already but will attempt to put on a brave face in front of the grand children but I know my son can see how I am hurting.
Sending a big hug back to you. Xx
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Hugs Ellite holding back those tears is awful you feel as if your going to choke. 8 weeks tomorrow for me i have never felt pain like it. Hugs Jo xxx
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Is it just me or are mornings the worst? That sinking feeling and anxiety on waking up knowing another day without him is starting. It has been nearly 6 months since I lost my husband, who was my best friend as well as the love of my life, but waves of grief and tears come over me without warning especially during the morning, it feels like there will never be any end to this pain and longing for something I can never have. Big hugs to everyone out there going through the same thing. xx
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No your not alone its 8 weeks tomorrow for me the pain is so intense sometimes i feel as if i cant breath. I am so lonely the house is just that now a house no longer a home . Gra was my best friend my lover and my husband all rolled in one , i miss him beyond words. Xxxx
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