So Sad

I lost my son Jamie, aged just 16, 7 years ago and 2 years ago, lost my daughter Jasmin, aged 23. I don’t have close friends whoi I can talk to. I have a husband and a grown up daughter but my thoughts are that I don’t want to offload my problems onto them. I have a job - part time - in a supermarket, it’s ok, I don’t love it but it gives me spending money to go on holiday. I am known as the “mad one” at work, always acting the fool, always smiling, always laughing, but it isn’t the real me. Days off are spent thinking, crying, remembering and more crying. I’ve tried councelling a couple of times but it didn’t work for me. I felt pressured into opening up and cancelled my sessions. Don’t have any hobbies as such, maybe knitting, but that’s about it. I don’t know what I’m expecting from this Group, but we shall see.

I’m really sorry you have lost 2 children. I lost my son 2018 and my world is totally turned upside down.i no they say it gets easier but 2 be honest the breathing gets easier but our minds dont stop thinking and I find time alone is precious as we can do all the thinking n crying we want.
To be a mum and losing children is afeeling of such emptiness and all the wot ifs…my boy went out n had a motorbike accident no ones fault. Had that day of police coming to my door.
I have no answers for you but I’ve found it nice to no I’m not on my own with being in this. I haven’t worked since that day and bearly go out
I also have a daughter of 33 and 2 granchildren .but with lockdown its been so hard not having a cuddle and shes very protective of them they still haven’t been in the house or had a cuddle
Life is so crawl…I’m into spiritual stuff and meditation which I find really helps
Their are lots of guided meditation on youtube which I find calms my mind down
I also dont tell anyone to much how I’m so empty as it feels like they become uncomfortable and it really isn’t what I want to do
I cry alone /scream/ and wonder why alot…
I’m hoping hearing from me will make you feel abit better as it did me when I joined last week …its abig world and feeling like I or we do isn’t nice
Take care message anytime x

Wanted to send you a virtual hug.
My 32yr old daughter died 2 years ago and then my 16 yr old son died last September. I too have a grown up child but find it difficult to talk to anyone about how sad I am xx

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Hi Steph, I really do feel for you and know exactly how you feel. Do people come up to you and tell you they know how you feel, they lost their mum/dad/aunt/grandma 12 years ago !!! Like hell they know how we feel. I’m sending the virtual hug back to you attached with a zillion and 1 kisses. Thank you too for taking the time to reply. If you need a shoulder to lean on an ear to listen, or you just want a general moan/winge, I am here. Please stay in touch xx


Hi Summer 1966, thank you so very much for taking the time to reply. My son went to a party and just kept drinking and drinking (he died from alcohol poisening). It was at a party in Aberdaron in North Wales, so when it happened they had to wait for ages until the ambulance arrived then a further 90 minutes to get him to the hospital and that’s what I think about. The journey through twisty, tiny roads, where they can’t go fast. Then the aweful wait at the hospital, not knowing, doctors telling me everything that’s going on but using technical jargon n feeling pretty thick. Nurses doing their “tea and sympathy” bit and me, just in a daze. Then to relive ALL of this again, with our Jasmin - LIFE SUCKS !!! Please keep in touch, this is by far the most I’ve opened up about how I feel. Thank you for that. Sending virtual hugs and sws’s (welsh for kisses) to you


Hi lezly, so sorry for your loses, losing 2 children must be heartbreaking, one child is heartbreaking , I to lost my so in November, am heartbroken , and only people who have lost a child would know how we feel, I had someone came up to me me, and said I no how your feeling I lost my mum, I just wanted to scream at her, it’s not the same, it’s nowhere near the same, you take care love Helen x

I’ve been ok so far,no one has said they know I feel,its more they say they can’t imagine the heartbreak and that they are thinking about me.I could never expect anyone to understand the pain a grieving mum goes through on a daily basis especially like us that have 2 angels xxx

Hi everyone, to all you lovely people ,
I so wish I wasn’t reading your hear breaking messages life is so so unfair, when you loose one child it feels so bad you never think it can never get any worse than that But there’s always that nagging scary moments when you worry, but believe lightening wouldn’t t strike twice … and then for us … for some unknown reason … it does I can’t believe it happened to me nor can I believe it’s happened to all of you it’s so very unfair, my first child was born brain damaged that was all bad enough then just before her 19 th birthday she passed away ten years ago my other children were devastated and we survived This year felt like we were all moving on and then that other awful moment (f…) they just keep coming …standing in Morrisons super market I got that terrible call my beautiful boy had died suddenly I still can’t get it 23 years old just 2 weeks before his birthday just back at work after Covid was happy and fit, so sorry to all of you because I know how very sad and desperate You all feel because sadly we all feel similar i wonder how we all move on , but we must xxxx

Jayne 2, we all feel for you, we all go thrugh your pain, we all know, too well, that feeling we get every moment of every day. You saying Morrisons, I work in Morrisons, and years ago a customer came up to me and asked me if I knew a lady with glasses who had passed away. She told me she was sat on my shoulder watching every move I make. It’s your mum she said. Years later the same woman came up to me and said He’s fine, he’s still playing bass and your mum and dad are there watching him. He’s a bit cheeky tho !!! Now whether this is all mumbo jumbo, I really don’t care. But it gives me just a little something to hold onto. Every so often, she pops into Morrisons, makes a bee line for me and tells me something about Jas and Jamie that I’ve never told her, have a little choked moment and smile !! Love hugs and kisses xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi , Thats pretty amazing isn’t it, especially as a stranger told you I’d like to think there is something in that Mumbo jumbo ! How else can you explain someone telling you things about your children and family that they wouldn’t know , I used to think I saw signs Of my daughter in lots of ways but for my son I’m just to raw scared to read any signs incase they’re not real ( but there have been some, they seem to have taken longer and it was his friends that had many signs in the beginning, ) take care I hope you see your little lady in Morrisons!

Morning ladies
Be leaving their still around us and feeling them I feel is amazing .
Within the first week I felt my son sit on my bed and touch my knee but I was so numb I just thought I was over thinking .but since I’ve had alot of other times to
I went to a medium n the information she gave was amazing and it brault some comfort
If anyone wants her number I can pass it on as shes works over zoom at the moment.
It’s coming up 2 years on 27th September. It really is still raw .losing 1 child is so devastating but to loss 2 I cant even begin to think about I’m sending ahug and anytime you want 2 chat feel free to message please.i feel so alone with my pain even thow I have people around me xx

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Hello Lezley, I am so very sorry to learn of your losses…it is so very hard losing one but two is hurtful… you are very brave to write your feelings on this site. It is a beautiful and comforting but wish you didn’t experience your loss again, my thoughts are with you and your family. I haven’t got over my lovely only son David’s death 4 years) and like you, smile at the world while underneath my heart has broken and cry when I am alone which is most times as I live alone. Bank Holidays and Sundays are my worse days and they don’t seem to get better. This pandemic has brought home who my friends are, loneliness is a killer and it makes one melancholy or should I say me. God bless, keep safe, Jan

Janine 77
Hi there and thank you for replying. It does mean a lot to me to know there are people like myself who have experienced what I have gone through and still going through. Everyone who has replied has been a lifeline for me knowing you are there for me in times of need. You are there if I need to winge or moan, you have my back and you have my shoulders.
Keep the messages coming, it gives me something to hold on to, Love and hugs to you all. x

Hi all, I have recently lost my youngest son so suddenly on June 21st. He was fit & healthy one minute, the next he was gone. I found him in his room appx 3 hours after he passed. Confirmed sudden arrhythmia death syndrome (SADS) last week. His heart literally stopped.
I’m so heartbroken & miss him every second of every day. My husband, my other son, family & friends have been & are so amazingly supportive which I am so grateful for. I wanted to link up with others who are feeling & are able to understand how I feel. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone & will seek bereavement counselling at some point. I lost my mum to suicide when I was 5 & then my granny to suicide when I was 6. I spent many many years growing up grieving. Losing my precious son is another level & I literally cannot see a way forward. I know I have to for my other son’s sake, aswell as my husband’s.
I feel so so low & so much pain & sorrow, I miss my boy so much.
Sending love & strength to all of us that are sadly in this horrendous situation.

Oh Sweetheart, I am so very sorry for all your losses. Everyone says that they know how you feel. No one on this earth, except for the people who have been through the same circumstances, understand our pain !!! On this website, I feel I can open up just a little bit more, I’ve tried councelling. With my son Jamie, I went to the Bereavement councellor at the hospital. She was lovely. It was just like going for a chat with my bestie. No pressure to open up, just loads of laughter and tears. I tried a councellor after our Jasmin passed but the first time I tried, I didn’t feel right and walked out after 10 minutes. Just recently I tried again but after 2 sessions I gave up on her. With her she was always leading me with questions like “do you think” and “what if” - no thank you !!! Please stay strong for your other son, We all know that it can be and is very, very hard but you have support here and shoulders to lean on and ears to listen when all you need is a good moan. Stay strong and stay safe xxxx

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Hi Lezley, thank you so much for your kind supportive words. It means so much to be able to share our feelings of despair with others that truly understand. If it’s not too intrusive & if you are okay would you mind saying what happened to your son as you say it was suddenly. It was with my son too & I’m just so hurt & confused as you never ever are prepared for this. Our darling precious children should be with us for our lifetime. If I have to be grateful at all in this situation I am grateful I was with him for his lifetime. I try to console myself by saying forever young & know that he’s at peace & doesn’t have to tackle any of lifes tragedies…our darling children.

Hi there, Our Jamie was 16 and he went to a mate’s birthday party. And like most teenagers, he had a little too much to drink. He went for a lie down coz he felt rough and never woke up. He must have been sick in his sleep. The verdict at the inquest was AlcoholicPoisening and the media had a field day with his story. I was livid, angry, upset, devastated. Every emotion there is, I felt it. When he passed away, the hospital staff asked about organ donation. So that’s what we did (except his eyes). 4 people survived through his generosity. It’s not much - he got an award, but I want him. Our Jasmin, she was 23. She blamed me for our Jamie’s passing and didn’t speak to me for 5 years. Her big sister kept telling meshe would come round and still buy her Christmas presents and Birthday presents. So I did. Four years ago, right out of the blue, she came round, gave me a hug, said she was sorry and we cried. Two years later she too , passed away. She had a massive arguement with her dad (who I still blame to this day), she took an overdose, went to her friends her help, but it was just a litle too late. It was Accidental Death at her inquest. My tears are welling up now so I’ll leave it at that. Much love and hugs to you and stay strong, stay safe xxx

So sorry lezly
It’s so unbearable for you and me and all of us that have lost the most precious gift in life , I’m still waiting the inquest on my son it won’t change anything so I don’t really want to know but dreading the local press getting hold of it and ruining his memory And all those nosy Parker’s that have been searching social media for information. I’m so so angry and sad, Matt was so happy that week his first week back at work but did say before he went out he wasn’t feeling well and gave me a hug I wish I could get that moment back hold on to him stop him going out , his oldest sister had cerebral palsy I found her dead in her bed ten years ago I had three beautiful children after megans birth which went so terribly wrong I felt to happy and gifted that I’d had two more children I used to watch them both do the simplest of things ( eating walking swimming) as Megan couldn’t, and feel so lucky I still can’t believe my beautiful son has gone and my poor remaining daughter 25 is so broken with out her sister and now her brother, it feels as if some people go through life with very little pain whilst others like me and all of you have to suffer so much , I wanted to start counselling as I hadn’t before but I approached my doctor and they can only offer counselling on the telephone so think I will leave it until I can’t meet someone in person , take care xx

Lezley I am truly sorry for your loss and your pain. It’s a remarkable thing to do donating your beloved son’s organs. We would have however following an inconclusive post mortem they removed our beloved son’s heart and parts of his other organs for extensive further tests in London. Following this we gave permission for them to have his organs for further research & to hopefully help in finding more reasons regarding sudden arrhythmia death syndrome otherwise known as sudden adult death syndrome
Sending love to you at this horrendous time for us all.

I understand your pain. My heart breaks for my son who is so lost without his brother who was also his best friend, they were inseparable & now he has such a void an emptiness like us all, that simply cannot be filled.
I find it a tad comforting to be able to share my feelings & vent on this site & I hope others do too. We are in this horrendous nightmare that just won’t go away together.
Love & strength to you & everyone reading this.
Rach x