I’m 9 weeks today and feel totally lost. I looked after him for 2 years with dementia and now there’s a huge void to fill. I just can’t be bothered with anything much and the pain comes in waves.
Wish I could forget the bad stuff and remember good times.
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So sorry for your loss and I feel your pain, lost my husband 4 weeks ago and I agree it comes in waves, no 2 days are the same, always here if you want to talk
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I’m sorry you find yourself in this club. It’s not a place anyone wants to be but actually it’s a great place to be. We have been in your shoes. We have cried the tears, felt the pain (and still do). We understand the way you feel. Some of us are still there, some of us are having brighter days.
It’s the hardest thing you’ll go through. It’s incredibly painful and this is grief.
Keep in touch on here, there’s a lot of understanding on here and some hope that it does get better.
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Thank you. I’m sorry you’re in the same place.
John became a bit of a stranger towards the end but I loved him unconditionally.
It just feels like someone hits you in the stomach. I don’t have any close family so it’s lovely to be able to talk.
Love and light to you
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Thankyou, just knowing I’m not alone in my grief is a comfort to me, I felt like I was the only person in the world feeling this way as I watch other people going about their daily lives,
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It feels so good to read such a comforting message. I’ll stay on here - I do believe it’ll help me to get through this.
I thank you.
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@Steffers @Flossy22 I’m so sorry for your loss. All that you describe are feelings I can understand. I lost my husband in January so I am a little bit further down the road. I know it is so hard, incredibly hard and painful, your whole world has turned upside down and you can’t see a future. But as @Ali29 says, there is hope, there are lighter days and moments for me now, and my grief is now not all consuming. When I first joined this site it was the posts from those who were further along the road that gave me strength and hope. Tears and pain are still not far away but somehow I am managing to learn to live with it. Keep posting, as it really does help, there is a lot of support here. Sending you bot love and hugs xx
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I’m already feeling so much support from you- thank you. It makes my heart break to read all the messages and even though I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, I’m glad I’m not alone.
What an amazing site this is.
I don’t want to do anything and yet feel it’s so strange that I’m not having to rush about so that I could get back to sit with him.
I knew it could only get worse but such a shock when he died.
I feel so alone but getting comfort from you- thank you- wish you didn’t have this pain too.
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@Flossy22 Thank you for your kind words, just so you know you are not alone, we are all here to listen and offer you support. I don’t think you can ever be prepared to lose your love, even if it is expected. You will be still in shock as you try and deal with all that you have lost, and start to put your own life back together. My husband died suddenly and for a while I just couldn’t believe he had gone but I am slowly adjusting and I am lucky my family and friends are a great support. Do you family and friends nearby? Everyone told me to take small steps at the beginning, this helped in not looking too far ahead, just getting through one day at a time. Keeping posting when you need, you are with friends here. xx
Thank you. I feel so sad. Yes, got a few friends but only family is my brother I care for( he lives 25 miles away) I visit once a week.
Think I feel more alone than I am- just used to caring for John 24/7.
I just can’t believe I’ll never see him again…it breaks my heart.
I know it’s very early days but I wish I saw a future for myself.
It’s so good to talk- thank you
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@Flossy22 Yes that feeling of being alone I can really relate too. Caring for John 24/7 must now feel like a big hole and loss of purpose, you will have had your routine, and now I imagine you feel lost. I think the hardest thing is knowing you won’t see them again, but for me I have a true belief that we will. I have lots of signs that he is still with me, and I know after 46 years our love has not ended, so with all my heart I believe I will be with him one day, and until then I shall honour him and our love by finding a new way to live. - he would have wanted that, and I expect your John would too. Don’t look too far into the future, little by little I hope it will become easier, I don’t know what my future looks like yet, but with the support from friends on here, we will tread this new path and find a new future for ourselves xxx
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Thank you so much. Yes, I slept in a garden recliner beside him so I’m really lost. Those days were hard and all I wanted was to go into the garden or go to the spare room to sleep. Now I can do anything , I don’t want to do anything!
I cut my nails very short for hygiene purposes and now I can grow them but I still cut them short!
I’m definitely feeling your support and I hope you can find some comfort too.
Our love for our loved ones keeps them close
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This group has given me so much support since loosing my gorgeous fantastic wife sue to pancreatic cancer on the 1st February this year.everyone has been very supportive especially when i didn’t want to carry on. But i made sue a promise to carry on being the person she made me into x
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Hi Martyn, that is absolutely the thing to do and your wife would be proud of you,I lost my mother early in january and know live alone being know the night watch man having lost my twin brother in 2021, my sister in law is know my next off kin and my brother is in a plastic bottle with a barcode on it while my mother is in a nice casket on the wall with a lovely inscription on it under a lovely photograph of her that I had digitally enhanced specially for her funeral.
Initially I just wanted to stay in my sleeping bag and die, I was my mothers principle carer for some 4 years while she battled dementie and it took a terrible tole on my health and I am still recovering and still have dark days so I know what you are going through, it takes a lot of drive and guts to rebuild lives but that is what we must all do, we have to reinvent our lives, join clubs, make new friends, and who knows, one day you may find love again, do not feel guilty for your wife, I am sure you did your best for her as I did for my mother, in the end I was unable to keep her well, you must put your self first know, honour her by macking a success of your new life, good luck.
Tim
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Thank you tim.much appreciated. Good advice spurred me on to get my trike finished off.you really given me a boost now
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That’s the spirit Martyn, KBO
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