Hi first time I posted, I lost my wife 4 months ago at 59,to a subacroid hemorrhage, from anurysm that was discovered 4 weeks before, we was told very small chance of rupture, but luck wasn’t with her, such a shock, still feels like it’s just happened, we were married, 40 years and in the procces of doing up an older house which we down sized to, for retirment, we have 4 boys and 12 grandchildren, they are the only reason I’m chugging away, lost interest in our home all my plans are shattered, nice to read on here ime not alone, as I feel so lonely
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I lost my husband back in February but he’d started to get ill this time last year so I’m finding dealing with the winter and Christmas rather difficult. I too have children and I think, as you say, the main reason for carrying on, I think saying you’re chugging along is a good way to describe it. This forum has and is a great help to me so please continue to post how you are feeling as we all understand how you are feeling.
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Sorry for your loss, and thanks for replying, I have been reading on here for some time, but was anxious to post, I don’t know why, my days are long and hard but the months have flown by, this grief feeling is so strange, it’s feeling lost, lonely, sad, angry, to name but a few feelings, and going over and over silly arguments we may have had in our marriage, looking for reasons to blame myself, the what ifs, feels like ime loosing the plot
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Hi Luke. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband and soulmate, Ian, aged 53 of 26 years 8 weeks ago yesterday to a ruptured aorta. He died on me. We had been together since we were 16. My world has fallen apart. We couldn’t have children. My family and friends are being so supportive but, like you say, grief is a mixture of feelings including such loneliness, immense sadness, anger and feeling lost.
Like you, we had so many plans for our future. It is Ian’s birthday on 19th Dec and I’m dreading Christmas.
I try to focus on the happy memories - no one can take those away and talk to Ian all the time.
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So sorry for you, it’s just not fair, I know we all die but never contimplated, how difficult it would be, somehow I always thought I would go first, Sally’s 60th would have been on the 29th December, the children said they don’t know what to do so I told them to buy a plant or tree for there garden in her name, I think I will do the same, I can’t even think about Christmas, just getting through it, I have a lot of support but people just don’t know what to say, usually the wrong thing but they do there best, great to know we are not alone in this pain, I am not prepared for coping with this loss, but how could I be, take care of yourself
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We honestly thought we would grow old together, like you. I never thought I would say goodbye to my husband before my 82 year old mum and dad. Yes, life is very unfair when people who never hurt a fly have to leave this world. People try to say the right thing but unless they have experienced such a loss, they have no idea. I’m so sorry you too have to cope with a birthday, a special birthday, too in December. My Birthday is also the 29th December. Usually it is a day full of love and surprises but I’m just not interested. Ian’s Birthday will be spent doing things he enjoyed. My thoughts are with you. Take care x
Thankyou for your kind words, I will spare a thought for you that day penny, your husband sounds like a great guy, hope you find some light soon, kind regards luke
Yes I go through silly things said and wish it hadn’t been but it is what it is.
Glad you plucked up courage to post.
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What is it about Sundays, I always feel worse, and the weather doesn’t help, I have days when I try to do things to cheer myself up, but the images of sallys pop into my head, like Sally and happynes are inseparable, this pain never seems to diminish,
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Sorry if I sound so negative, just can’t seem to see past the bad things today
One of my sons said today, what would you like for Christmas dad and emidiatly followed with sorry dad silly question, bless him and his brothers they have been amazingly supportive and all suffering themselves, certainly kept me going, there mum would be so proud
I understand what you are saying @Luke. Yes, Sundays seem particularly grim. The pain just seems to be building.
Best wishes to you.
Hi. Sundays are so hard aren’t they. I used to love weekends, now they just aren’t the same. My sister and brother in law took me to the pantomine tonight. It was lovely but just too much for me with Christmas songs galore. I sobbed my heart out in the interval.
Yes is hard. Today I got upset trying to cope. I felt under the weather anyway and worse missing my husband who shared load. We both were struggling.
Kids here and usual trying to be in two places at once. I am over sensitive so is everyone else.
It goes from silent to the opposite when suddenly have to step up.
It does help not to dwell but it still pops through.
This week anniversary his funeral. So that is tough just before our wedding anniversary and my birthday at Xmas. I thought second one would be easier but of course first one of when he died.
I tried to make an effort. But, as predicted, making an effort comes with cost of feeling terrible physically now wondering if - by doing things outside of home eg inside, the symptoms are COVID or just a cold. But I had to go to shops. Even if had not gone anywhere.
But then I think I can’t be a hermit forever. Then think must try to be here to care for my adult son who has got no one. Then I just feel weary. My mum went downhill second year my dad died. So kinda scared same thing is going to happen. Just no one here to help.
My mum wouldn’t have an alarm button as it went off accidently. So she had predicted fatality.
I booked to see if could get panto tickets hoping to give to my son to take one of kids as I never did like pantos.
I went to Christmas tree festival today
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Really overwhelmed by grief today, changes how I think about everything, feels like nothing in my life is good, why are we being punished so much
Yes does feel like that.
But I feel I am being punished for mixing as now got consequences of caught the virus so feel even more lousy than ever as can’t go anywhere and even being lonely at home trying to look after myself.
I feel you pain Luke and deepest sympathies for your loss
Like you I’ve suffered such loss with my wife Sue passing 5 weeks ago she was 58 no age at all & was very active in body and soul we were lucky I guess she convinced me to retire early so we had 5 years living our dream albeit I think I feel an even bigger loss as we spent so much time together & had so many plans but now it’s gone not sure how we get passed all of this but guess leaning on our families will help but again as a dad grandad I feel I should be supporting them but simply right now I haven’t the mental strength
Best wishes going forward
Ian 
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So similar to what I am going through, I hope things get better for us and our families, I have felt worse in last couple of weeks, just hope I can get through it, you have my deepest sympathy, our partners were far to young, it’s so unfair
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Hi Luke, I’ve felt a little better of late but had a meltdown this week but managed to pull myself out of it 
so many feelings emotions as I’ve been thinking about my wife a lot this week think I tried putting it to the back of my mind however Sue is such a massive loss & such a beautiful person in body & soul she wasn’t going to stay there long!! Albeit maybe a good thing not to suppress that sense of Loss & grief
I hope your trying to push yourself forward bit by bit don’t think we others will ever get over it but we must try to learn to live with our loss obviously with the help of our families & friends
God bless
Thankyou for your kind words
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