So sad

Hi everyone,

It has been 5 weeks to the day that my husband passed away from oesophageal cancer diagnosed only 4 months prior to this in July. I miss him so very much :pleading_face: every day I am so sad but I make myself get up and dress and get out for a walk as this is what we always did together,but it’s hard… Sometimes I feel him with me other times not but everyday is an overwhelming sadness surrounding me. I know that being with this community of people who understand is helping me to keep going day after day and for that I am so grateful. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on the day we were told he is chemo hadn’t worked and we had weeks. We had his funeral 2 weeks ago on Monday and I had surgery on the Wednesday x but I am trying to keep positive as this is what he wanted me too x lots of love


Morning @Alice8,

I am so sorry for your loss. Ghastly. I suspect that you are still very much in a state of shock. You may find that a degree of numbness begins to take hold that will temper the intense sadness at times. For me, that was the case for pretty much most of the first year after the death of my lovely wife Christine. But of course, having your own health concerns will be an additional burden.

Like you, I am thankful to have encountered this community. It is a huge help to talk to people who understand exactly what it is you have to say.

I hope you find some periods of calm. Best wishes to you.


Thank you to everyone for your response and support. Finding it be difficult tonight. Been to my daughter’s for tea with family and tried to be upbeat but finding I wanted to come home so I could cry… Crying off and on but the pain and loneliness is unbearable x have tried to watch TV but unable to concentrate so laid the table for Christmas instead but with one less place setting it started me sobbing again I don’t know how to manage this terrible pain…

It takes time and baby steps to learn how to navigate and cope with the pain and heartbreak, we stumble along, fall, get up, repeat, repeat, until we fully absorb the enormity and reality of what has happened to us. It is only when we reach acceptance of what has happened that we slowly begin the healing process. We then enter a journey of new self discovery because loss/grief changes us, we can’t go back to who we were and before we reach the healing stage we are stuck in a stage of limbo where we just feel lost and strange. It’s a truly awful stage but we come through it. What choice do we have? It’s very much sink or swim and we have an inbuilt survival mechanism which kicks in. We are still here and for a reason so we search for that reason and life turns a corner. It’s ok to feel whatever you feel, so many want to rush the process to avoid the pain and agony but we have to embrace it and fully feel it because it’s all the love our heart holds for our loved one’s and it needs an outlet. Eventually we channel that love in to our lives again and our loved one’s live alongside and within us. Go easy on yourself

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Hi @Alice8,

The pain is terrible. I think that if someone had tried to tell you what it could be like you simply would not have believed them and even if you did, you would still have no idea until you experienced it.

For myself, there are times when there is no distraction that works. So I lie on the bed with something mindless on TV (oddly enough Scooby-Doo kiddies movies seem to fit the bill) and just weep or not until the wave of intense grief has passed. Maybe a cup of tea … ? When I am feeling this awful I have not found that forcing myself to do anything else because I “should” or “must” or “it is expected” to be strong. Frankly, I think “strength” is amply demonstrated in simply getting through these periods in any way you can!

Thinking of you. Sending best wishes and a hug.

Very well said. Thank you.

Hello @Alice8
I am so sorry for what you’re going through. Your head must be reeling. I wish I could wave a magic wand and take all the hurt away from all of us, but sadly we’re left trying to make our way through the rest of our lives. My husband died very suddenly in September so I don’t have much experience to offer you. This online community is the most helpful thing I’ve found, because we all truly understand what we’re going through and there is always encouragement, support and good advice. Please know that I’m thinking of you and sending you love xx