I thought I was doing reasonably well, but today feels as though I have been hit by the grief wrecking ball all over again.
The sadness is overwhelming, the tears flow too easily and it feels as though I have taken a huge step back in time to August last year when my wonderful son died.
I was sure over the last couple of weeks that I was coping a little better, but today seems to have managed to have undone what little progress I felt I had made.
Who was I fooling? How does one really accept the loss of a son? I know life can never be the same again, but I have ben trying to be realistic and yet, all I seem to have actually done is find short periods of distraction that amount to nothing meaningful, but today …?
Hi Beth.
12 months is no time at all. I’m not surprised you feel the way you do. We all unfortunately take it as a sign of weakness if we stumble and fall. But it’s inevitable that we will fall from time to time. How do you get over loosing a child, the answer. We don’t!!! You never get over it. It takes a long time to adapt to a life afterwards. You are doing incredibly well beth. Never stop believing in yourself. The fact that you have reached 12 months is an achievement. Don’t kid yourself. You are traveling a very long hard road. It is never going to be easy. But as long as you can get out of bed and face each day, it’s a day nearer to getting back to some form of normality. It’s all about your mind adapting. You will carry your loss forever. How could you not. You have lost your son!!! Most people will never experience this pain. How strong are we. We have experienced it and we keep going. Some days the burden is so heavy we collapse under the weight. But we get back up again. Never apologize for being down. Not least to yourself. There will be plenty of hurdles for you to overcome in the future. But believe me you WILL!!! get to a place that you can compartmentalize your feelings. I get by so much better than I used too. But there are still songs I won’t listen to. Or other things that evoke memories that I avoid. But to look at me you would almost swear I’m normal just like everyone else. You will also feel the same one day. Take care beth. Jim.
I’ve started to realise that my grief is more of a winding path than a straight road. Some days you turn a small corner and have a happy day, or a day when you can cope better with it all. Other days you suddenly feel back in the depths of despair, right in the heart of your grief again. Starting to wonder if this is just how it will be forever.
Thank you Jim for your kindness and understanding. I admire you for getting this far and being able to resond to my message when in reality, I have no doubt it must have been hard but it is appreciated.
Today I got a long awaited response to my complaint to the hospital about Andrew’s poor care and I am absolutely devastated. They have sidestepped so much of the responsibility that was theirs and used words of apology that mean next to nothing.
Perhaps in a few days, I will be able to deal with things a little better, but today, after reading their response I have no words to express anything but a truly broken heart and life. I want to scream at the world, becaause the weight seems too heavy to bear, but it I know that will not help anyone.
Thank you again and I really hope you can keep getting by and every day is a little easier for you.
Today I got the dreaded response to my complaint from the hospital where Andrew died and no words do justice to the way I feel. Maybe, in another couple of days from now, I will feel more settled and I will write again.
sending you lots of love and strength, you can message me anytime xxxx