So unhappy don't know how to carry on

I have been doing really well & trying to carry on . 9 months yesterday but I am feeling so down . Today I was so low I had some sleeping tablets prescribed for my husband & for an instant I contemplated taking them. My children even though they are adults I didn’t want to hurt them & give them any more pain but for a while I didn’t want to be here . I tried to phone the Samaritans but they were busy. I am really so lost I have three wonderful sons , I see each of them every week & I should be getting on with my life but I just can’t do it without my darling husband I really don’t want to be here anymore. I know you all understand . So so very unhappy don’t know what to do. I have been ok & have tried to be so very brave but today I just needed to speak to someone and anyone please try & help me cope. So sorry

I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. Keep trying the Samaritans I called them the other week and they were brilliant. Just being able to talk helped so much. I have just lost my mum and I worry about my dad so much. It must be just awful to lose someone that you spend all your time with and then they are gone. I think you just have to let yourself feel these feelings. But then tell yourself in an hour I’m going out for a walk or I’m going to ring a friend or meet up with someone. It’s literally one day at a time. Sometimes it’s just one hour at a time. I hope more people on here will reply that are in the same situation as you. There are I’m afraid too many people. Who know exactly how you feel. I hope the cone along soon to offer some advice on what they are doing or did to get through it. Please keep ringing the Samaritans x

I do know how you must be feeling as I’m feeling it too, think if it wasn’t for hurting my three grown up children and grandchildren I would love to be with my husband who I lost three months ago,
Please phone the samaritans again it does help to talk to someone and if it’s someone who you don’t know it might help even more as you know you can talk freely without worrying you might upset them
Sending you a hug take care
You can message me anytime xxxxx. Linda xxxxx

Unhappy xxxx keep dialling the number focus on that. In your dark moments but try to think about what your absence would mean to your loved ones, I know I have been at the bottom and that the thoughts of your children wouldn’t mean anything to you when you are so low, they say that suicide is a selfish act having been that close I can tell you it’s not it’s when you are so desperate that nothing matters. I thought about my husband and what he would say and had an almost Christmas carol kinda moment, the love for my children was so strong and I worried that if I did anything silly then their pain would be greater what if they couldn’t cope, that scared me. You are not alone in your thoughts keep reaching out . I am nearly 8months in so understand your thoughts. Put the sleeping tablets down the toilet and keep calling. X always reach out on here someone will always be by your side. X

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Joules Linda & silverlady
Thank you. I am so grateful for your replies. I know you all understand how I am feeling. As I said I have been sort of ok & I don’t understand where all these thoughts came from but I felt so so low that I knew I would get understanding helpfrom you. It’s really strange but just after I posted my problem a neighbour knocked with some runner beans probably the last picking of the year & she saw I was really sad & we had a chat & gave me a cuddle & I do feel a lot better now. I told her how I was feeling & she said "just give me a call anytime " & I feel so much better now . Thank you all so much for your help & so quickly I will never forget it . I do hope that you are all ok . Thank you all so much it means so much to know I am not alone & I can get help anytime thank you xxxxxxx

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I’m so pleased you feel a little better. When you feel like that. Just pick up the phone to someone, anyone. Go to a neighbour. Pop to the supermarket or go and treat yourself to something. What’s something that you enjoy doing? Think of it and make that your go to place when you feel like that. And of course come on here. Someone will always help. X

Thank you so much jooles it is so good that we all have each other. Take care x I do hope you are ok as I hope you all are x

Hi All
I managed to speak to the Samaritans yesterday & I do feel so much better for getting it all out.
Had a good day yesterday it was a neighbours birthday & I was invited for a drink. Had a good chat with them too so I know I just have to ask& they will help me.
Then one of our sons came & picked me up for dinner so it was a good day.
It was all so unexpected.It has really cheered me up I am so very lucky.
Thank you all once again I really appreciate your kindness.
Anyway start of a new week going to try & stay positive lots of love to you all hope you all have a good week. Xxxxxxxxx

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Think it’s so bad for you now as it will soon be a year since the loss of your husband,I know for me when it was getting close to the year I felt I was going really downhill knowing it would be painful.Think the first months I was numb there was so much to sort out then reality hit me & the thought of December coming and reliving it all again was too much, I have sent you a PM if you click on envelope at the side of your name I think that should open it but it’s the first one I’ve sent so hope it right. Thinking of you Liz

Hi, Have to agree with Lizmac. I am coming up to the first year and feel as if I’m going backwards now. I’ve struggled through this year with hope and prayer that I would one day have some peace and hopefully happiness or at least contentment again. I was aiming for these things, now I seem to be going downhill. Is it really nearly a year, it seems like yesterday. I now have to pray harder and live in hope that next year is a better one than 2018/19. I am determined to stay positive as so many of these brave people are.
It doesn’t take much to push us to the edge but equally a little bit of kindness is so welcome and can make a difference.

Good luck
Pat xx

I think the secret…if there is one …is acceptance. I have accepted that although I carry on, whether its for my family or for the man I love who isnt here anymore, I have stopped trying to "move on " I just know that the void in my world is forever and the price for real love is terrible grief .I laugh…I have fun…I go to work…but every night I shed tears…it’s okay. I can handle it far better by understanding that its normal to grieve. There is no time limit! it can be months .years …its totally fine. We dont need to feel guilty if we have bad days or good days…and those that meet someone else one day should never feel guilty either! No one will judge…we all have to do whatever it takes in the end xx

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