So very sad...

Hi, I lost my mum 3 weeks ago and I thought I was doing ok for the first few weeks but I think I was actually quite numb. Now I just want to curl up and weep but I have a busy job, kids that need me and a husband with chronic depression who can’t cope if I get down. My father is in pieces and needs so much support too. I know I need to let myself grieve but it just upsets everyone else. I don’t really have local friends and I feel so isolated. Does chatting online help anyone else?

Hi Alex im very sorry for your loss .In answer to your question yes it does help me .Im completely alone and this site helps me to focus and realise im not the only 1 suffering Colin

Hi Alex

Yes visiting this forum and exchanging messages with other people has helped me immensely over the last year. It is a safe place to come back to again and again where no one judges you and everyone understands. I am sorry for your loss and that you are finding things so hard.

Do take time for yourself even if it is only 5-10 minutes a day. Your family and your Dad are important but so are you. A few minutes just relaxing with a cup of tea or just sitting in the garden with your own thoughts can help a lot.

You take lots of care of yourself

Thanks Colin, good to hear it helps? How long ago was your bereavement? A

Thanks Mel, that’s good advice. I will try. I tend to keep myself busy as it helps to stops me thinking too much.

Hi Alex im 57 Denise was 41 she passed on her birthday 04032016

I am finding being on here a real comfort just knowing i am not alone i sometimes read through all the posts and somehow feel a bit better. My pain, so intense at times, can never be taken away by anything and the endless crying it is truly unbelievable where they come from but i never stop them regardless of who i am with.
You have to really be a bit selfish at times and spend time to grieve for your mum even though i know you need to support your dad and husband. You are important too Alex so please try and look after tou too which i know is so hard.
My thoughts are with you take care
H x

Hi Alex - I find it very helpful and several people have reached out to share stories. It’s helpful to understand that others are suffering in the same way and that what we are feeling is normal. There is a process we have to go through and it’s hugely unpleasant but being on here does soften the blow and ease the pain ever so slightly.

I’m so sorry for your loss.My dad passed away almost 3 months ago and like you O felt numb at first.Now at times the hurt in unbearable.I have 2 busy teenagers and a husband.My Mum lives in the same town and my brother lives half an hour away.I feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility for her and supporting her so much that I don’t feel I am able to grieve myself.I am struggling to cope with this.I feel,like you,that others can’t cope with my sadness because they are looking to me for strength.Last week I reached a point,hardly sleeping or eating.Now I realise that I must try to find a way to look after myself so that I can support my family.

Gosh, we are living the same life at the moment. I am so sorry about your Dad… it’s so very lonely without them isn’t it, even though I haven’t lived with them for years. I am thinking of getting some counselling through Cruse so I have a safe place to grieve without feeling like I am burdening everyone else. Feel free to talk to me via here if it helps. X

Hi Alex. I’m so sorry for your loss. 3 weeks is a very short time - the other day someone said to me “it’s early days” and it is actually more than 18 months now. You need to take time out to grieve - even a few minutes here and there. I too have a husband with depression and it really has it’s impact on the rest of the family but if you don’t give yourself a little space you could head down that route too. It may just be ten minutes in a room with some music or pictures to set you off while the household are watching tv or something, or a quick walk round the block while people have an after dinner coffee. Talk it over with your husband if you can and if necessary book it in your diary or phone reminders so it happens.

Thank you. Yes I think counselling is a good idea, I have thought of it myself, but there never seems to be the time, I guess it’s about making the time. Good luck x

Hello everyone
I just think at the moment we all need to get as much support as possible and be kind to ourselves and not be frightened to show how upset we are. My doctor said to me yesterday i need to reverse my thoughts and if a friend or family member were grieving would i still want to support even though it was upsetting for me. Of course i would and we all would too we must show our grief and cry when we want to if we dont then i think it will always be there lurking like something horrible waiting for us. I have booked an appointment next week with a counsellor who i saw last year when my partner was diagnosed terminal dreading going and cry at the thought because it is at hospital where treatment was and last time she was so weak i had to get a wheelchair. This is just a living hell so anything that helps us we must do. I am not at work and now off for another month so please anyone working still through this please consider taking some time away to help look after yourself
Thinking of you all
Carol x

Hi Carol, I so agree with what you have said, we really do need to look after ourselves, I learnt the hard way trying to cope on my own, I had counselling at my home which I found easier to talk about my partner in our surroundings, I had 6 weeks and it really made me look at myself in a kinder way, so if I felt sad I said it… Its a long journey grief we all deal with it in our own way, there is no right way.
Tomorrow is my first year without my partner, today I have been through all our lovely holiday photo’s which I have put into folders on my laptop, trying not to be too sad, but remembering the good times we had.
Look after yourself, when you are reading to return to work you will know.
Best wishes
Mo x

Thanks Mo nice to have someone agree with what i am thinking i sometimes think i am so confused with everything and talk a load of rubbish. I also feel im saying same things over again and again and then cant remember what i have said and who i have told what to not just on here but with family and friends. Just not functioning on any kind of a normal level not sleeping is big factor i think in this and not eating properly.
I have got counselling booked next week will just have see how it goes.
Thinking of you today
Carol x

Hi Carol… you are so right about constantly repeating yourself, I do it all the time, now I say “stop me” to my friends if I have already told you this… and they do…
It is defiantly to do with tiredness I and not running on a full tank…
My day was very sad this morning, but received lovely flowers from my daughter and sister and lots of text messages, I am going to my good friends for dinner tonight, she has relationship problems so I am going to support her and listen to her and help in anyway I can.
You take care and let me know how you get on next week with the counselling.
Mo x

I had an assessment for counselling yesterday and told they do not support anyone who has had bereavement in last 3 months and this was number my gp gave me to call so waste of time and waited a month for that call. I am seeing someone on Wednesday from cancer support service and to see about bereavement group they run and they also offer 1 to 1 sessions so hopefully this will be better experience. The questions they asked were just stupid like did i want to kill myself and if so how would i do it. I know she was following a script but just made me angry then upset so not good day yesterday at all.
Today so far been in garden to keep busy and going to take dogs out if weather stays fine. Just trying yo do normal things because i just dont know what else to do.
I have slept better last 2 nights so that has made me feel a bit better 5 hours as opposed to 2 or 3 so seeing this as some progress.
Take care
Carol x

Hi nothing is easy is it, sorry this is short as I am with my mum doing her shopping. I called my local Cruse bereavement and they were very nice and helpful, maybe try them, will be in touch soon. X