So very tired of it all tonight

General chat
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Hello Everyone,

I hope you are keeping well (as well can be expected under the circumstances).

I have had a very very draining day today. A grey day, and not just because of the weather.

Everything is a shade of grey. People are uncaring and everything is a struggle. Everyone else has been or is going on holiday and I am going absolutely nowhere (and boy, do I need to get away!).

What makes me cross is that all these people plead poverty and yet can afford to go on cruises and such like. I have not been able to afford a holiday (even a weekend away) since Andrew passed, and even before that we stayed at home because he was not well.

I am constantly asked, do you have anyone that can help? You must be joking! Everyone is so wrapped up in their own happy worlds and they certainly have no inclination to help yours truly.

I am drained both physically and mentally. All I do is work and do not have much to show for that either.

Before one of my invoices gets paid later this month, I have only £200 in my account and bills to pay. I had a major argument with my bank today about getting a small overdraft to be told that their algorithm says no. What about other factors, like the fact that I have banked with them since 1987 and have been a faithful and good customer since then? You get penalised if you are self-employed (that is a documented fact), if you no longer have a mortgage (cannot figure that one out!), and it does not matter that you make a decent income. Algorithms!

And then there are clients who lie without lying about work, saying that they are going through a quiet time when I know that they mean they are giving the work to someone else.

I am SO tired about lies, about people who do not care and the fact that I cannot seem to catch a break.

I am sorry. I needed to vent and this is the only place where I know I will not be judged and people will listen and really empathize.

Warmest wishes to you all, :heart:

Sonia

6 Likes
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You vent all you want here Sonia - it is definitely good to get it all out.
Some folk are just so self absorbed it never stops to amaze me.
Folk keep asking if I’ve been away on holiday as I’m more tanned than usual. Reason is because I have to do all the dog walking since my husband died. When I say that it usually shuts them up :rofl:
Look after yourself and hopefully you’ll catch a break soonxx

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Thank you for the kind words, roni52. :slightly_smiling_face: :heart:

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Hi Sonia,
I have just joined the group but I can relate to your message. My husband died a month ago and I am battling on the financial front. Can’t believe that the pension company who assured my husband that if he died I would receive 50% of his pension and now tell me that historically they used to say that but in fact it is calculated at the date of death and in my case this means I get 22% of his pension which makes a huge difference financially. I’ve also spent the last three weeks battling with an insurance company to pay out on a policy I have pad for the last six years to cover redundancy for my husband’s wonderful carers who I employed privately. It all happens at a time when one doesn’t need it.
On a positive note it is good that you have your business. I am sure that it is challenging but the good thing is it will keep you alert and have something to be thinking about . I gave up my demanding job in the charity sector to nurse my husband and now six years later my days stretch out filled with emptiness.Wish I could think of a business that I could start to give some substance to my days. Hope you get a break away and your bank becomes more understanding, loyalty doesn’t seem to count now with them does it!

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I have absolutely no idea if Im in the right chat or topic. I just looked for something that was answered most recently (and not to do with partners). Ive lost a brother in law that I was really close to. He took early retirement and 25 days later he had a heart attack and died. He and his wife had no children.They were joined at the hip and had so many plans after retirement.
Ive seen death on multiple occasions due to my job, my dad died when I was 10, my brother died from lung cancer…but none of that has affected me more than this. Im lost.

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ianb I am so sorry to hear this.Grief is as hard whether it is a partner or another close person, the pain and emptiness is the same and you are obviously feeling the pain of your brother-in-law’s wife too. Life can seem so unjust can’t it. It isn’t easy to work through the pain and sorrow but sadly that is all we can do. Hopefully you have someone close to you that you can talk to and provide some comfort.

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Thank you, Muriel. I do have people to talk to so that is a huge positive. It’s when alone that the mind asks lots of questions and it seem like a ‘wave’ of grief. I know I will be okay, it just felt good to write how I felt.