Dear all,
So where from now?
I lost my soul mate Anne 15 months ago from pancreatic cancer. We were married 50yrs. Im pushing 75yrs. So what is this new journey Im supposed to be travelling now? What am I supposed to do? Start a new meaningful life? Erase half a century of devout love and true devotion to my sweet heart and as the Americans say " Move on." Move on to what? And who? National statistics imply I might live for another 10yrs. What the hell do I do or go for the next decade? I’ve never lived for myself. In fact I dont like myself very much which is why I poored my very existance into making my sweetheart safe and protected. This is no fairy tale. Anne and I had our ups and downs- mostly my fault- but our life together gave meaning and purpose. And our love conquered all. At the moment like so many in our grief I simply survive because nature/God refuses to let me depart from this world. A cruel and heartless system governs this world. Life for the sake of life because ’ IT ’ can.
Ive found a way that dulls the unhappiness but I won’t say because I don’t want it to detract from my overall message. So where from now?
Love and Light
Geoff x
Oh Geoff how are we going to cope. I understand and feel your every word. Some days will be better than others but it is a hard road to walk. I am 4 months along this path and today I can’t stop crying and I don’t know what has done this. As you say - How can we move on and to what. What do we do for the rest of our lives? I too gave my whole life into making Mike happy and safe and we loved every minute of our 47 years together (married 41) I force myself to look at his photo in the hopes of trying to get used to it without crying. I am unsuccessful at the moment - it just hurts too much. I hope you can begin to make sense of it all soon and do stay on the site. There is a lot of comfort to be had here.
Hi Geoff. I know exactly as you feel. This journey is as long as it takes and no one knows what it will bring. One day I feel ok and the next I feel absolutely dreadful. I have had a turbulent relationship with my two daughters to the extent that whatever I do is wrong.In fact one of them owes me money and I mentioned this to my grand daughter who had spilled the beans. My daughter has just phoned me and upset me to the extent that I am in floods of tears. I have coped with so much over the last two years and I love my family but I am always in the wrong no matter what I do. We are all so vulnerable and deeply hurt by our grief and the things people say and do makes it worse. My life like yours will NEVER be the same again. My Ron always made me feel I had someone to turn to no matter what.Now when I am upset I feel I have no one and I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I have lost my ability to fight back. I am a completely different person.My family make me feel I am always wrong. I love them and no doubt they love me but I feel I can’t turn to them at all. One of my daughters lives in the same street and I hardly see her. It is all so devastating. Sorry to rant like this but I know what you mean when you say you invested everything into your lovely wife. I too can’t build another life.Too many memories. Hope you feel a bit better soon Geoff.
JEAN 2. I am having a bad day too Jean.I just feel nothing will ever be complete again.I have a drawer full of photos and every day I say I will look at them but I just can’t because when I do all the happy memories come back and to be honest I don’t want to think about them because they are gone forever. I don’t know how and when it will all end.
Hi mate,
I think I’ve read most of your posts and I can empathise with your many feelings and ways of expressing them. As you should know by now I can’t stand being patronised or lectured to. Keep in touch my friend.