Society needs to change over death.

This morning i had my counselling session with a volunteer from Cruse. This was a one off session until i have survived 6 months then i can go on the waiting list. This is how bad it is. Both Edinburgh and London should be making this a priority for proper funding. Every town should have a bereavement support group as death changes lives forever. If we really are a civilised society we should be doing something not cutting services.

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Hello Prue

I totally agree about the lack of support for people struggling to cope with the loss of a loved one. Cruse has a 5 months waiting list in my area and a service called Talking Therapies which was recommended by my doctor has a year waiting list.
I feel very much that you are left to get on with it yourself and if you don’t have a close family nearby it is particularly hard. I hope things improve but I won’t hold my breath.

Kind regards

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Hi Prue,

Are you saying you’ve now got to wait 6 months to see Cruse?

Have you considered Sue Ryders free online counselling? Or there are so many qualified private counsellors to go to.

I think Cruse being volunteers simply can’t cope with the numbers. There seems to be a long waiting list in most areas.
I was desperate to somebody quickly so paid for a counsellor with money we’d saved for a holiday that sadly was not to be.

Not sure which area you are in but there are bereavement support groups in most areas . Does your G.P. , library or Citizens Advice have any details of them ?
I hope you find some help soon .Jx


Hear, Hear Prue. Since becoming bereaved myself I am appalled at the people out there suffering with their loss and receiving no help. If it wasn’t for forums like this who know’s where some of us would be. Personally I feel that there should be drop in places where people can just walk in and receive a kind word and a helping hand. I feel for people living alone with no family or close friends. However from my experience it is very difficult to speak to close family after the first weeks. A lot is being said about mental health support, what do they think we are going through with grief which must be top of the list. I wish I could do something about it but really know where to start but will make an effort to find out locally. Cruse do their best but obviously can’t cope with the demand. People want help immediately they request it not months later.


So true im sorry for your loss and you have to wait so long it’s six months and three weeks this afternoon since my Edward fell asleep in my arms im utterly truamatised witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes im too on the cruse bereavement list in Newcastle they have sent out a for then called to say after a few weeks more I’d get a call with an appointment it’s so hard take care of yourself as much as possible in my thoughts Adele x

Hi Prue

Completely agree. It takes guts to admit we need help then it isn’t always there unless you want tablets on the nhs.

I completely recommend the online counselling offered here at Sue Ryder. I am using it and it is helping me a lot.

Ann xx

In reply to Pat and Prue, Shortly after the loss of my dear husband 13 months ago, I happened to get a bit tearful at the doctor’s. The doctor was a bit embarrassed and suggested I ring Cruse. I looked up Cruse online, found a telephone number, and phoned as there are no local Bereavement Services in my area. I’m 25 miles from nearest big town. In the telephone conversation I learned I would have to wait weeks for any Counselling. My daughter recommended this Sue Ryder site to me, as she had found it useful herself. I have become interested and comforted by the numerous threads on Bereavement, and have read and written many posts on from time to time. However, as time went on, although to some extent I was coping with my loss, going out, joining various social groups to try to overcome my grief, I really felt I needed an ‘expert’ to talk to. I struggled for months. Eventually, once again, whilst at the GP Surgery, with a different doctor, I mentioned my struggle with my grief, and was immediately given a number to ring for telephone counselling. I did, in fact do this. I was given a time when someone could ring me. I was contacted by a Counsellor and had about half an hour’s conversation, which in my case, did prove helpful. In addition online, I also contacted a Counsellor for a private telephone conversation. This was also very helpful, I could have arranged for a face to face appointment, if I wished, but did not feel the need. I was not charged for the telephone counselling session, but if I felt the need I would pay rather than struggle on. Like others, I have felt most empathy on this site and wonder what we would do without it. In conclusion I have to say I was amazed at the lack of Bereavement Services generally.

hi Prue
sorry to hear your having probs getting counselling,ive had 6 sessions and have been told 2 more and thats it,i know im not coping at all,and the thought of not being able get help after those 2 sessions is bad enough,so if id been you and only been given 1 session and told id have wait 6 months is beyond ridiculous.i lost my sister aged 9 in 1985 and my dad in 2006 they were both tragic losses and i was devastated but didnt need counselling.but losing Jayne as crushed me and i didnt think it was possible to hurt this much ever in my lifetime,so i needed most people who lose a long term partner or [wife,husband] the person who made life worth living ,who you laughed cried with and loved and holidayed with etc etc as left you a shell of the person you was i you need help trying to come to terms with the whole of your world being tipped upside down,hopefully the powers that be will start the ball rolling to get counselling available to all those people who need it.hope you get help soon .

You have got it right, We are left a shell of a person and we never expected such pain, I certainly didn’t. We are trying to come to terms with two losses. Our loved ones and our own because we don’t come out of this a complete person anymore. So, yes something has got to be done for our grief. There should be more help as GP’s don’t seem to have clue what to do with us. In this case pills won’t put us back on the road to recovery.

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