It is said that the new year is a time to reflect. The definition of reflect is to ‘think deeply or carefully about.’ Today I have been thinking way too deeply, about the past and the situation I find myself in now.
Our home was once full of love and laughter with a mum, dad, two children and various pets. They were wonderful times. Today there is me and my Meg dog. I know that it’s the natural progression for children to grow up and move on but it doesn’t stop me longing for those happier times that used to be ours. When the children leave home then it’s time for ‘us’ again but that’s been snatched away. So then I reflect on what could have, should have been our time; all the plans we had for retirement. It’s way too heartbreaking so actually, I think I’ll give reflection a miss.
I’m sorry for the misery and self wallowing of my post so I shall try to be grateful for what was once mine. It’s just that I want those times again and I know I never can. I know I must appreciate what I have now and there are some good bits and I do appreciate them, but I would much rather appreciate them alongside my husband.
Today is a bad day. Some days are like that, even in Australia… (That’s a quote from a children’s book called The Terrible, Horrible, No-good, Very bad day.)
Much love to you all. xx
Oh Kate, I’m feeling so low today too. Not crying, it’s worse than that. Just feel so sad and alone after the loss of my lovely man.
Life will never be the same again will it?! Xx
I’m sorry you’re feeling so low too Janey. You’re right, life will never be the same again. I hate feeling this way. I think it’s because I went to a wedding party yesterday evening and I felt so alone without my man by my side. I was surrounded by couples.
Chin up Janey, we can do this; as Amelie’sgran says, we were blessed to have been loved.
Sending hugs xx
Kate your words resonate so much to how I am feeling. Days past when life was a wonderful 4 children running around the house laughter filled every room I want those times back but they are gone forever I brought my children up to be happy well adjusted people who would go into the world and make good lives for themselves and I am happy to say they have but like you I long for those days back with my dear peter again . Love to you. Xx
Happy days, eh Jen. Thank you for understanding. When we’ve had something so good the loss is even harder. I try to be positive and most of the time I think I am, but then every now and again…BAM! It comes out of nowhere at me.
Love and hugs xx
No need to apologise, it’s been the same with me. It has been a bad day, actually a bad couple of days. It took me till 12 to actually make myself get out of bed, since then I have just lay around thinking of the past and what was. I think we are allowed to have days like these. It feels like an existence today with nothing to look forward to and robbed of a future… How lovely it would be to go back in time just for a few hours. I have had a chat with myself this evening, so will try harder tomorrow. Thinking of us all x
Please don’t apologise for your emotions,
I like you feel the same way today, New Year’s Day, my first year without my mum, it’s such a horrible feeling and I’m finding it so hard to come to terms with, I miss her so deeply, this life is so cruel and tough, I’m sorry your feeling this way and I’m sorry things have turned out this way for you, it’s hard to feel greatful for everything we have when all we want is that person back in our lives. I don’t know how to live without my mum, everyone keeps telling me you learn to live with it, I really don’t see how
I juts wanted to reach out and send my thoughts to you x
Thank you Viv and Lee for your responses. It’s strangely comforting to know others are feeling the same. It’s not that I wish this horrible, horrible situation on anyone else but just to know someone understands, really understands.
Take care both. Love and hugs. xx
Please don’t apologise. I’m having a bad day also. We are going into a new year without the one we love. It’s heartbreaking x
Hi Lee 15
Like you I found New Year awful. I wanted the old year back when my Dad was still alive. Christmas was very painful and sad at times, I did try to make the best of it for the rest of the family, but it felt hollow. and for the first time ever meaningless to me . I felt guilty for the rest of the family, but I think that apart from my Mom they weren’t as close or as deeply affected.
The waves of grief and longing are really hard to bear, and I keep thinking that this is a bad dream I will wake up from. Also have this strange feeling that he is somewhere in the next room or a place I can’t access
I do hope this gets easier…for all of here x