Some thoughts on grief

Just back from my early morning walk and had a few thoughts about what I’m going through.
Bearing in mind that every couple on this planet one person in them is going to suffer this terrible fate of grief,would we ,all those years ago , still have got involved with their loved one knowing what we know now?
When I first met Joan I never thought there would be a price to pay for me loving her and her loving me,without doubt I would do it all again even with the bad times.
This grief is the price I have to pay for all the memories of her and our life together, and the price is worth it.
As a cure for grief I offer this solution, forget them, would you, could you? we don’t grieve for someone we don’t remember, but to forget them we would also forget all those memories.


Sounds like a good philosophical walk youve had this morning. Its only in these quiet reflective times that our minds start to work it all out and it all makes sense.
Penny died 14 months ago, and Ive had many walks with my dogs when I start out not understanding whats going on, but when I come back its begun to make some sense. I always talk to her (and the dogs) on these walks.
But the good news is that we become much happier with the memories.
Battle on. You have started your journey with your best foot forward.
I wish you well!


@tykey are you any happier than at the beginning? Does it get better?

All this grief advice all boils down to you get used to your situation and it becomes different and more bearable but we are at the mercy of our emotions.
For some reason I felt ok this morning but am feeling terrible this afternoon and I don’t know what changed.

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Hi @bootsie
I agree with both you and @tykey. I also go out walking every day with my dogs and I tried to make sense of my ‘now’ life. Amazing what a morning walk in the countryside can do and along with a bit of meditation (if your into this) a lot of emotions can fall into place. I also talk to my husband and certainly to my beloved dogs.
I have also considered that if I hadn’t gone out that particular evening and met Brian would I have suffered such a blow when I lost him??? Your so right the grief for loving so deeply is the price we pay. I wish there was a magic pill that can erase the pain but there isn’t so we have to get through it. We are at the mercy of emotions that we sometimes just can’t understand but in time we can learn to live with them.
So yes @Ali29 it does get better as we adapt. But it doesn’t happen quickly it is a slow process of acceptance. We never forget though.???
P xxx


Hi @Ali29 . I’m happy to tell you it does get better and happiness returns, but in a different guise.
We never forget them, and we are often a bit sad, but the pain of the grief does end.
But we have to try to get through it, if we dont try, then nothing changes.

I looked at this stage as if it was the next chapter of my life. The first one was when I was growing up, eventually meeting Penny and getting married. The next chapter was the 50 years we spent together.
The third one (the future one) was a book with blank pages, and I could make it what I wanted it to be. So I wrote the prologue, setting out the broad outlines, and little by little I turned it into reality.
The plan had things such as:

Dont want another wife, but I did want platonic female friends
I will live in this house until the end
I will live as frugally as I need to so I dont worry about debt.
I will get back to playing my ukulele and guitars.
My wife’s little dogs will always come first

And Im pretty happy with it now.

Good luck


That’s a lovely way if thinking. Thank you

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