someone else's father...

i deal in customer service…and today i took a call from this young lady who had to deal with all the paperwork as her father is now dying (from lung cancer). the desperation and sadness in her voice struck a chord in my heart…i KNEW EXACTLY where she is coming from as I was there just under a year ago (my father passed away 10/1/17).
i just wanted to hug her and tell her she’s doing so well and that she’s being so brave to hold the family together and doing her best to deal with stuff on her father’s behalf…
again, i knew EXACTLY what that was like.
it seemed like a lifetime ago…but it hasn’t been that long since my own ordeal.
it seemed like i’ve gotten over it…and yet, i’d be driving home from work and burst into tears for no apparent reason.
it seemed like he’s gone…and yet, i’d see a video uploaded onto facebook and i’d be looking out for him as though he’d be there…
and i’d be laughing and having a fantastic time but he is not there for me to share my stories, to tell him i’m doing really well and that i’m happy.
i miss him.

Hello Jude, Were you named after the Beatles song. Thank you for caring about someone you never met. Yes it does bring back sad memories when you hear of people you have never met going through the exact same thing you went through, whether it be recent or a long time ago, it brings it back as though it was yesterday. I watch a lot of videos on You Tube from the 1950’s/1960’s and 70’s especially when they were taken at holiday spots we used to visit when we holidayed in the UK. I look out for my husband to see if I can catch a glimpse of him in a crowd at Butlin’s where he went with his friends before I met him, I look at crowds taken in our favourite spots to see if I can see us holidaying in Devon before and after our children were born. I think it is just a craving to actually see them again when we were young. Luckily I have our wedding videos and a gorgeous video of when our grandchildren were born and my husband was there holding them. Just 6 years before he died. Those are memories that are there for me to watch anytime I want to. Take care. Sheila xx

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hi Sheila,
Thank you so much for your reply, i find it most comforting…that I’m not the only one who does this or feel this way. thank you.
i would sometimes read his messages on whatsapp…don’t know why i do it as it just breaks my heart when i do !
i have a bagfull of his clothes and stuff i took from his home which i’d touch and smell and look at his beautiful handwriting…and again, it just broke my heart.
but i wear his ring on my finger and each time it catches the sun i knew that he is close to me and we go everywhere together…

Hello Jude, I am glad you know you are not alone, there are far too many of us going through a similar thing and there is nothing we can do about it but get through each day. I hope one day it will get easier for all of us but at the end of the day, we have lost someone we love and will never get to make new memories with so we cling to our old ones more and more. You take care. Sheila x

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i guess that’s it…not being able to make anymore new memories with them that hurts.
i feel so scared sometimes i’d forget some of the old ones

Hi Jude, We will never, ever forget our memories, I have had a friends who developed Alzeimers, my husband’s grandma for one, she didn’t remember recent things but she could talk for ages about her youth, her husband, her daughter when she was young and what my husband did when he was young, she did not know who I was or who my husband (her grandson ) was but she still remembered him as a child and a teenager stealing her fruit pies off the window ledge. I used to love listening to her and so they still have their memories. Yes, it is definitely heartbreaking that we are now making new memories without our loved ones, but we are not alone in this, millions of people are going through the same thing day after day and I consider myself one of the lucky ones who had a fantastic long life with my husband and for that I thank God. Take care of yourself, Love Sheilaxx

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