Someone please help me

I lost my dad the other week and I am not sure why I’m here but I just need someone’s opinion, my father had bowel ischaemia but he just thought he had a stomach bug and didn’t go to the doctors and he then got pneumonia which resulted in hypoxia I feel so guilty as I had a chesty cough before he died and I know it is contagious and I know that even if I had a cold and gave it to him it could have resulted in it, I keep trying to tell myself that i am not the cause of this and doing research trying to find out if the ischaemia could have caused it but I just don’t know, it just feels like it’s not a coincidence that I get a chesty cough then he gets pneumonia, a reply would be appreciated I just need someone’s opinion on this I know your not doctors or anything but I just need to tell someone to tell me I’m wrong as I have kept this to myself and need help​:cry::cry::cry:

Hi Jon
it is a natural grief reaction to blame ourselves
but it sounds like your Dad already had underlying health conditions and pneumonia develops so easily you musnt blame yourself
When my Mom died from cancer 15 months ago I tried to think of every senario to blame myself for her health decline but it was just her time and eventually you will accept it
but im afraid you have a lot of time to give yourself
you could talk to a health professional at your doctors this may help you by understanding your dads condition

Thank you for your reply, I know I shouldn’t blame myself but is hard not too as I’ve read that even if I just bought home a cold i could have passed it too him and it could have developed into pneumonia, I feel like if it wasn’t for me being that cough home he could still be here today for Father’s Day, I’m also the type of person where if I skit have an answer for something I’ll come up with one in my head.

im that person too but if you had kept away from your Dad you could have missed precious time with him
did he come into contact with nurses etc it could have come from anywhere
i blamed myself for so many things when my mom died but now i realise i couldnt have done any more

Hi Jon
I’m so sorry for your loss
But like Tess was saying please don’t blame yourself it wasn’t your fault
Think we tend to find fault blame ourselves when someone close to us/parent dies
And it’s so hard I know
And with it been Father’s Day today
Have you spoke to anyone about how you are feeling, may help to talk about it your on the right site
Or there is Cruise bereavement counselling
My dad passed away last year
Take care of yourself x

I don’t think he came in contact with any nurses or anything as he was the type of person who didn’t go to the doctor even when he became really ill, the way I keep looking at it is the fact that I had a cough and he had pneumonia it just can’t be no coincidence all my work colleagues had the same cough but there family are fine, everyone is saying it is normal to feel like this and it will go away but if I’m honest I don’t think it will go away even when I try not to think about it

Im sure he would have wanted you there with him as much as possible regardless
I know with my Mom she wanted family around when she was ill even when they had coughs and colds and she told me off when i fussed
You have done as best as you could but i think it would help settle your mind if you could talk it through with a health professional ring your doctors or cruise
do you have family


I completely understand how you feel as I blamed myself when my dad passed away a few weeks ago. chest infection that I had, did I pass it to dad. should have stayed away dad would still be alive. feel so guilty. family told me know way thats true and dad wouldn’t want me to think like that. can’t help it. love and miss him so much it hurts really bad. not back at work and today had a session with counselling as feel going crazy. wish you all the best x

I know how you feel keep telling myself to stop making assumptions as I’ll never know what caused it but can’t help thinking the worst just keep going through it in my head