I think we all wish we could turn back the clock and not have to go through this…
it’s been 9
Months for me but dosent seem no where near that long… The house seems empty no longer a home… I try to add a few new things but feel guilty that I’m erasing him somehow…I wish I could find joy in things again… last night was the first night I actually slept a straight 6 hours without waking and staring into empty space…
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On May 18 it will be 18 months since he died
Today I haven’t cried yet
Doesn’t mean I won’t
My son took me to have my COVID jab
Reminding me of when my husband used to take me only he had his at the same time whereas my son isn’t entitled to it.
Going up the same road and talking about my grandchildren reminds me of when my son was their age
Him chatting about work too and how we used to do the same.
But then going back to my empty house is hard and can’t get used to that yet. I so miss when we were together as we would have stopped perhaps because we were retired. Going by all our old haunts. Tomorrow I go to meet up with other widows. Everything seems to be done with women in the same boat. All trying to cope.
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We had all our Covid and flu jabs with each other.
There are so many things we shared, it is so strange to do anything without them
Isn’t it?
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RoseGarden
Yes it is odd today too plumber to do the boiler. He used to sort that out.
All steep learning curve.
He used to chat to him.
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Yes, the same here.
I relied on him so much. I knew I did but I think I didn’t realise the total extent .
I recognised the many, many things he did but I suppose I took some things for granted.
For instance, I need to get some lightbulbs for the kitchen and then fit them.
He did that. Something that he and many others would find a tiny thing to do but I have no idea which type of bulb.
It seems like another huge thing to deal with now I have to do it alone.
I have brought some steps in from the garage and tomorrow when is popping in she can hold the steps for me.
It is one more thing that emphasises the loss and the loneliness.
Big hugs x
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When I write the loss I don’t mean I’ve lost the handyman, I mean I have lost the love of my life who had been with me for nearly 50 years. Who made me feel whole, secure, loved and completed me.
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Get exactly what you mean…
I relied on my OH for everything he payed the bills, fixed the problems, mowed the lawn organised the builders or repair men…planned and booked all our holidays it’s been a shocking reality but having to deal with it all on my own made me realise just how much I took him for granted.
I’m also proud of myself I’ve learnt to budget, put up picture’s, paint the fence, call out an emergency plumber, fix some decking book two holidays ect…
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That sounds like us.
Yes, I feel like I took him granted as well.
However, I tell myself It was the roles we slipped into but I now realise how much
he did.
You have achieved so much, you should be proud.
I haven’t done that much but today I did a very, very small thing.
I went up a set of steps and unscrewed a light bulb that wasn’t working.
Thanks to a friend I now know which bulb I need to get.
Again, something I would have left to my husband. Another tiny First.
There have been a couple of other small things but definitely nothing on the scale of your Firsts.
Take care x
Oh thats me too. My husband did all the stuff around the house, dealt with the cars, booked holidays etc.
I had to ask for help fitting a hinged lid to a plastic compost bin I bought. Im hapoy though because it took 2 people to do it.
Im trying to sort out a holiday to Sicily my husband booked for us. I dont remember him doing it. The tour company are making it sound so difficult, but I’m determined to go alone if I can.
Next I have to find someone to look at a problem i have with an outside door.
Every day it’s small steps and a steep learning curve.
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Well done with the lightbulb every little thing is an achievement in my book…
We don’t have any lightbulbs all LED as my partner worked in lighting for years so I do know my Edison screws to banet caps haha
But I’m not great at using power tools I’ve always been a bit scared of them… so will leave that to the experts…
I guess we are all going to feel guilt and regret in some form… all we can do is do the best we can in our circumstances
Take
Care x
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I am impressed with what you have achieved, I really am.
It is a really steep learning curve. It also highlights how much I relied on him!
Take care and be proud of what you’ve achieved x
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Hi I don’t think you need to put a time limit on anything everyone is different. If you think you had a lifetime of loving your wife how can those feelings go in a year . Just do what is best for you .
Hugs to you 
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Totally agree.
The other day, I worked out how many days I had been with my husband, it was so many thousands.
Then I worked out how many days since he was last with me, in the tens.
So this made me think, how can I get over many thousands of days of love in tens of days of despair? Obvious answer, I can’t.
Still, have horrible days but this helped in a very, very tiny way to lessen the pressure to ‘come to terms’ with my wonderful husband not being here with me.
Take care everyone xx
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I was surprised reading just seems like he was just a handyman but to me doing things I now realise is part of how love is expressed. He could have been an irresponsible person ignoring things like some people do.
But it was part of why I know i loved about him that he wasn’t lazy. Had he not died he wouldn’t have been able to do these things with one and a half legs as he had an amputation a week before he died anyway.
Had he not died then he would have been able to tell me how to do these things. However not for long anyway with what I now know about the progression of his illness. So I would have had to do it all and care for him and myself. I couldn’t have physically coped. But I know he would have been able to tell me how to do it.
That would have been a big help.