Your late poster here again. I’ve been having a rough time, or rather a horrible time but that’s not really what I’m here to write about. Thing is, I gave myself a year to grieve and that year is up. But I’m simply not done grieving yet. My heart is still missing the angel that I fell in love with all those years ago, I just can’t quite let go yet.
But I am forcing myself to do things because I was getting to the point where I wasn’t even getting dressed anymore unless I had to work. So I dragged myself out of bed, told my wife that I’m going to try to get something done today and quit being that dog with a rag that won’t let go. (I do still talk to her some though I think she’s busy a lot of the time.)
I decided that this year I’m going to dust off the old yard and finally invite people over to see her memorial garden and have a little memorial for her. Just her close friends in a garden filled with flowers and yes, all the butterflies that the flowers bring. We both loved butterflies and so I planned this garden to attract them. And so far it’s been a wonderful habitat for these beauties that we both loved so much.
I’m not really finding peace yet, but I am training myself to try to seek out that new life that I’ve been thrown into. To try to take those first steps toward some kind of life that has more in it then a broken heart.
We’ll see. I’m trying to prove to myself that though I’m quite fragile, I’m not totally broken. I don’t even know if that’s true but we have to try to move forward sooner or later even if we don’t want to. For all I know, I’m not ready but I have to find out because the road to peace obviously isn’t going to find me, so I guess I have to try to find it myself.
@cclay at some point in time, you are right, we have to release them which means letting go. We cannot change what’s happened or bring them back and by holding on with a tight grip means we are in continual pain and heartbreak, stuck between the past and future. It’s a scary time but we all have an inner strength we did not know existed because we are all still here surviving. We have to find our purpose for being here and discover our new selves. Time waits for nobody.
You have a plan and all you can do is try if you stumble, get back up and try again. One day the sun will shine again for all of us
It’s nearly a year for me too,and I’m not feeling much better than at first.I don’t have any motivation to do much or see anyone,I always get up and get showered and dressed clean the house but after that nothing.However I get in the garden whenever the weather permits and find that very good for my well-being and it’s so good for the soul.We both loved gardening and now it’s all down to me but I’m determined to keep it looking good.
It’s nearly a year for me May 1st to be exact dreading it my heart is so broken don’t think it will ever mend but I do try to move forward but seem to be stuck like most people I still cry everyday and have done since he passed just were do the tears come from everyday for a year I just can’t find peace but I know it’s out there take care all
It’s the 24th of May for me and I’m really struggling now it’s getting closer.I’m dreading it ,it was very sudden and I keep reliving it more and more now.I know we have to go forward but can’t imagine it ever happening.x
Hi LyndaK sorry for your loss my husband wasn’t a well man always in and out of hospital the last year but always recovered even when we thought he wouldn’t he fought infections the lot and was very strong willed man but that particular dreaded day he was rushed into hospital with an infection we thinking been here before that many times but were then told in A&E he had a matter of hours just couldn’t register what they said and like you dreading the day next Wednesday but my daughter and I are going to do something have a meal and drinks and play his heavy rock music he loved so much you take care and will be thinking of you on the 24th May I wish you well
Hi Wendy,I hope you have a peaceful day next Wednesday ,the heavy rock music will help I’m sure,music gets me through lots of rock music too.Peter died very suddenly watering his young plants in the greenhouse I had been to the supermarket he carried my shopping in from the car then he went into the garden to potter around I went to clean the bedrooms when I came back downstairs he was nowhere around I found him in the greenhouse but it was too late.The paramedics performed cpr they arrived very quickly but it was too late.I was absolutely shell shocked still am to some extent we were together 38 years and didn’t have kids.So on the 24th I will be alone with my thoughts no idea what I will do probably just stare at the garden devastated.I will be thinking of you too next week.xx
Hi LyndaK thank you for your reply reading what happened to your husband was terrible and I’m so so sorry must have been horrific for you and still will be my thoughts will be with you on the 24th take care and look after yourself Wendy sending hugs x
Sometimes I get up and do everything then it is too late to go out.
Other times I go out and leave it then I am too tired to do it when I get back
So it feels too much.
I prefer gardening then there is all to do inside
We had our roles now I have got to do his role still struggle with what he did.
Seems other’s do better than I do.
Trying to to do CBT
Easier said than done
Supposed to be get out of it what you put in
Yes dutifully do it
Waiting so set goals
Easy ones first
Make lists
Tick it off
Run out of steam
Stuff it
Then try again like little kids do.
Be in the moment
Peace
This elusive thing
Hi Enorac you do what you want in your own time as my husband used to say it will be still there tomorrow I make sure I have something to do each day I also love gardening I take my time on everything I do these days my husband used to help me clean he also did the cooking, at first it was really hard but I just plod on doing my jobs it’s the cooking bit I don’t like especially for one I don’t put much effort into that these days do what you can when you can, I’m sure there are plenty of people out there not coping very well and I’m one of them but I push myself nearly every day inbetween having a cry take care x
I can really relate to what you’ve said here. I lost my mum ( just the two of us were left and we lived together all my life ), 2 years and 4 months ago. I’ve tried so hard to do what I promised her and ‘ be ok ‘. But I’m not ok, life is a mess, I’ve made some really silly life changing decisions and the result is a lot of pain and anguish. I try to keep going, push myself to try to do some things, joined my local church etc etc, BUT, I can’t find any peace and feel I never will. The difficulty that leaves me with is, how do I keep going on like this, pretending each day to be ok and keeping looking for peace when it’s just not there. Bless you, I’m sure your garden is a most lovely tribute. May you find your peace too.
Peace oh what is peace?
It is quiet too quiet
Peaceful
Sometimes inside
It’s nothing but
A lifetime of thoughts
And memories
As I pull out weeds
Mindfully as they say
A worm or two
A ladybird
A robin on the fence
The cat lolling
The wirr of a distant mower
Bluebells the odd tulip
Pink flowering tree bush
A wild viola in the cracks of an old path
A wallflower
Stuff has popped up again on its own
Last year’s battered
Things strewn around
Herbs - spinach and
Chives - a climbing rose - viola and Primula all mixed up
With weeds I left
The dandelions dutifully
A few marigold seeds
Have been planted for later to be protected inside against the slug a
predators.
No good planting them outside they just get eaten until they are big and strong and have become woody
Nasturtiums have to protect them too
Its 5 months since i lost my wife and its just the same as it was the day she died. I try to do things some of which i succeed. I went back to work which i lasted a month then quit. There is so much needs doing i just cant be bothered to do it. I justvwish i could turn the clock back a year so she was here again. My heart hurts constantly.
On May 18 it will be 18 months since he died
Today I haven’t cried yet
Doesn’t mean I won’t
My son took me to have my COVID jab
Reminding me of when my husband used to take me only he had his at the same time whereas my son isn’t entitled to it.
Going up the same road and talking about my grandchildren reminds me of when my son was their age
Him chatting about work too and how we used to do the same.
But then going back to my empty house is hard and can’t get used to that yet. I so miss when we were together as we would have stopped perhaps because we were retired. Going by all our old haunts. Tomorrow I go to meet up with other widows. Everything seems to be done with women in the same boat. All trying to cope.
