Son died Dec 2016 car crash how do I carry on?

I lost my 29 year old son 14 Dec 2016, he died at the scene following car incident.
I can’t cope anymore, crying is my constant companion. I’m not suicidal I’m in pain. I know they say don’t look ahead but at times I can’t help it and seeing the years that are stretched ahead is to much time to pass without seeing Antony, everyday I wake and then wait till bedtime then do the same again. I have a daughter and she is coping better now she 31.
I am still on sick from work and at this moment can’t imagine going back, I associate going back with its like I’m saying I’m getting ‘there’ .
So much pain , rawness with jagged edges. Friends have fallen maybe I’m reminder of what they don’t want think bout. Maybe my sadness brings them down.
Dont know how to do this-how to live without my son. I exist and that’s doing very little. I am on tcf and various forums there support i am grateful for couldn’t do it without it.
Didn’t think I could cry so much - depressing that’s all I see . I’m 48 and feel like aged 30 years. How do I live without my son.

Dear Jjulie,

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your son Anthony. What a terrible loss. I cannot even begin to imagine how devastated you must feel.

It sounds as though you are feeling very alone and could really do with someone to talk to. I’m glad that you have found the Sue Ryder Online Community and that you are already on other bereavement forums, as many of our users do find that it helps to be able to exchange messages and share feelings with others who’ve been through similar experiences.Hopefully, you have started to have a look at posts on our forum and seen that we have many other members who understand some of what you are feeling. When you feel ready, you may want to start by replying to some existing conversations from people who have also lost a son, for example:

Have you thought about also seeking some sort of counseling or one-to-one bereavement support? You could ask your GP to refer you, or contact an organisation like Cruse Bereavement:

If there is anything else I can help with, or you have any questions about the Online Community, just let me know.

Best wishes,