My son died age 29 on 05/07/19, he had been battleing brain cancer for four years.He had two brain ops and radiotherapy and more chemo than I care to remember.
The last few months have been a blur. I find I have periods of time where I function fairly well followed by day or days of constant crying . I cry sometimes unaware that I am. I am finding it difficult to remember him somedays before he became unwell. This has shocked me as I was insistant throughout his illness that others would not define him by it. My son Ryan was a gentle giant, polite and kind. I have two grandchildren and he was more worried about them, his sister my husband and I, than he ever was for himself, which seems to be a pattern in terminal patients.
We had four years with him from his diagnosis, he fought every step of the way and I was in awe if his bravery.
I tell my grandaughters that we cry and are sad because he was amazing and deserves to be mourned.
I have been advised to go to support groups but dont know if I would benefit from this as every story is heartbreaking .
Iām so sorry you have joined us all on this sad journey. Your son was clearly a wonderful being. I too lost my daughter after years of intermittent illness.
You sound very as I was in those very early days (a year for me now). I worried that I could not remember her but now I can see her and feel her clearly as if she was standing in front of me. This is comforting because I know that she is never going to be forgotten and is still part of our family. I think being in shock not only protects you from the pain a little but also blocks things for now.
My everyday memory and concentration is getting better too. Donāt worry about it. Just go with it and try to look after yourself.
I have found Compassionate Friends meetings immensely comforting. We meet once a month and the fact that all have lost children means that every one really gets what you are feeling.
Sending you hugs. Xxx
Thank you for your support, I have great family and friends but worry about making their load heavier with mine. Your words have given me hope.
My friends are supportive but dont really understand and I hope they never do.
I have been looking for a group in my area. Thank you again x
Thank you for your support, I have great family and friends but worry about making their load heavier with mine. Your words have given me hope.
My friends are supportive but dont really understand and I hope they never do.
I have been looking for a group in my area. Thank you again x
I know how you feel. Lisa passed away on 25th july this year aged 31. She had a rare lung condition which was properly diagnosed in october 2015 after a car accident when she was 25 weeks pregnant. Thankfully all went well with the baby and she gave us a wonderful granddaughter now aged 3 and 10 months. She was able to live a normal life although she got breathless going upstairs or steep hills. Apart from that she was amazing. She had a 2nd lung collapse in March 17 and then was put on steroids and also seeing a transplant team in Newcastle. She looked and was so well but she got a virus on holiday in Majorca in May this year and got viral pneumonia which caused acute respiratory distress and spent 54 days on ECMO in ICU in Aberdeen.
It was totally unexpected but this machine gave us time with her. After the first week she was awake and able to communicate. She was so good with the nurses and was worried about them and all of us more than herself with tubes coming out of her beautiful young body.
She too was so brave and never shed a tear when told they had tried everything and she had no more options. She spoke to all of us, held her child and cuddled her then after she was taken by the nurses to play, she said āit is what it is, lets get on with itā
She was an amazing young woman, happy and in love. I am truly thankful for her happiness and the joy she brought to us all.
Like you, I still cry a lot. It comes without warning and the tesrs flow. Crying is a release and although it drains us it helps us too.
I hope you have a better day and find comfort on this forum. It helps a lot.
Much love. Kate xx
Gayle Iām heart broken reading your message. It hits home so closely for me as itās a mirror image of my life right now. I lost my darling big brother on the 8th July of this year at the age of 29 so brain cancer. I understand when you say about the āhealthyā memories feeling so far away. I struggle to remember the āhappierā days and now only seem to remember the horrible struggle he faced. I wish I was stronger and had more encouraging words to say to you. I canāt imagine what itās like to loss your son but I see the struggle my parents go through and continue to go through since John left us. I hope you find the support you need. All my love Clare
Hi Clare thank you for your kind message, the loss of someone to brain cancer is awful. Little bits being chipped away over time. It reminded me of dementia with the outer image remaining the same. We as you had time with a knowledge time was limited, we spent every available moment we could with him he spolied us all and we spoiled right back. He allowed us to take pictures , which he always hated. My daughter spent lots of time the last year wih him, they watched films from their childhood, ate pizza, laughed often making cancer the butt of the jokes. I worry for my daughter, I always thought they would have each other once we were gone.
I find myself fighting against the temptation to stay in this place of grief as if to move on means I loose him more than i have already . Xx