Son struggling

I lost my husband 19 months ago, it was sudden and unexpected and my son who was 17 at the time (youngest of 4, only one still at home at the time) is now 19 and still is unable to talk about it with me. I feel like I am failing him somehow but we agreed quite early on that I wouldn’t push him to talk about it until he was ready so I have avoided all but casual mentions. Tonight I mentioned the day his dad died as it came up in conversation and he shut me down straight away, said he didn’t want to talk about it. My question is - should I wait, give him more time or accept that it is just too painful for him? Or should I be trying to get him to open up? I feel like I am failing him somehow, he will mention his dad, memories and such and talk about him no problem but his death is just a no go subject. If anyone has any opinions I would appreciate their input!

Hi Sharron113,

I’m sorry to hear that you lost your husband suddenly 19 months ago. This must be a very difficult time for you and for your children. I’m sure other community members will have some useful advice for you about your son based on their experiences, so I just wanted to point you in the direction of a couple of resources that might be useful to have a look at:

Firstly this article from What’s Your Grief: https://whatsyourgrief.com/helping-a-teenager-deal-with-grief-2/

Secondly, Grief Encounter is an organisation that supports children through bereavement and they have a section for young people here: https://www.griefencounter.org.uk/young-people/

Take care and do let us know if there’s anything we can do to support you.

Eleanor

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