My darling 32 yr old son, one of identical twins, was hit by a train on 4 days ago. Not only is he a twin, but he has 3 sisters too - we all adored him. Such a crazy, eccentric, boy! He has suffered from mental health issues in the past though they never stopped him from being the amazing, loving, friendly person he was: working with disabled and/or disadvantaged people of all ages. This time it must’ve come back with a vengeance though as he was happy and crazy as ever over Christmas, had a fall out with his twin brother on 28th but they made up on 31st, - but he never mentioned once that he was feeling as bad as he must’ve been feeling. I was given less than a year to live [last August] with stage 4 cancer, and I know he worried about losing me; he worried about losing his lovely wife [they have 2 young chilldren, and the relationship was under strain a bit], he worried about the relationship with his brother. I just know that this was an impulsive act - my boy worried so much about upsetting or hurting people, especially me in case it made me more sick, and would never want to be without his gorgeous girls. He must’ve had a ‘moment’ where he thought getting in front of that train was the only answer. I am struggling to believe and accept that he is gone. I feel sick and broken. I was strong before, positively fighting a horrible disease and determined to outlive the doctors’ expectations, but at the moment I barely feel motivated to smile let alone make the effort to stay alive [not suicidal]. I just don’t want to feel this pain while I’m going through treatments, but I have no choice. Sorry if I come across as self-pitying, I’m really not - well not normally anyway.
Oh my goodness, I feel so much pain for you. I lost my brother Suddenly at 14 and my mum in March suddenly too. I can imagine to a degree what your going through as I saw what my Mum and dad went through as a teenager. You are most definitely not self-pitying please keep fighting Mental health is a awful I have suffered with depression after losing my brother and Dad x
What a dreadful time for you, so much heartbreak for you and your family. you are certainly NOT self pitying .
Do you know about SOBS? Survivors of bereavement by suicide. They may be able to support you and your son’s family.
All I can do is hope you and your family can help each other and find a way to keep going at this saddest of times. I can’t begin to imagine your pain. Sadme
Thank you Sarrah, I’m sorry for the losses you’ve experienced too. x
Thank you Sadme, we were given SOBS literature by the Police and many of our family will be going along to the next support group meeting at the end of this month. We are supporting eachother, but even that - dealing with our own grieving as well as eachother’s - has lots of ups and downs. xx
I am so so sorry, to read of your dreadful loss, I am thinking of you.
You will go through immense ups and downs… it’s an awful time for you all. Make sure you do give yourself some space. Sometimes all of these support groups do not always help. You just need someone that understands and has maybe suffered the same grievances that your family has. x