Hello, I love music and if certain songs help bring comfort to people at this time then that is a good thing. Before I lost Rose we both loved music, all different types, I think we would probably listen to anything. I find now, 6 months have passed and I don’t think I have put a single cd in the player. I can’t get back into it because the person I shared it with is no longer here. I hope one day I will find the strength to listen and even play, but at the moment I just don’t feel it. Am I wrong? I don’t know. All I do know is that nothing seems to matter any more.
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I am in the same position Malc39200. My Gill died 6 months ago and I cry for her every day. We both loved music and were regular concert-goers. I haven’t played a CD since she left. I occasionally over hear music but it no longer effects me the way that it used to, instead of being a comfort it increases my sense of loss. I hope, as you do, that this might change at some stage but I sense that that will be a long time ahead. Exactly as you feel yourself nothing matters to me now.
I share your unhappiness and wish you well. Peter.
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I couldn’t listen to the radio for just over a year after my husband passed away and even then I had to rush to turn certain songs off that made me plummet into a downward spiral. Usually the songs that previously had filled us with happiness. I found that I had to start to find music that was new to me that I hadn’t heard before and that way I could train my brain to start to accept that it was ok to listen.
New music for this new life I didn’t ask for or expect. Not easy. Keep trying each day. x
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I could not listen to music for some weeks myself (except for when I chose it for the funeral and the funeral itself). That was the longest since I was a small child I went without but I also couldn’t bear it.
Music was a massive part of our relationship, René even told me he loved me the first time by sending me a song (leaving me wondering what he meant 
) and we listened all the time everywhere to all kinds of music daily together.
Luckily for me due to my husband’s smart speakers I only have to say “hey google play music” out loud in any room and it plays music according to my husband’s taste. If I had to load a CD I couldn’t choose and wouldn’t be able to do that either. There was a month or so where i truly believed he was speaking to me through this and that is how I got back into music since I would ask a question and then tell the speaker to play and it made me feel he was communicating with me (I don’t believe that now but still find comfort in it).
Music is helping myself remember myself and our memories so I really hope it will come back to all of you who have lost it too because it feels like an extra punishment to lose music too… especially for so long, I am really sorry for you about that, I hope you can find some comfort in the music you listened to with your partners once again some day soon.
this one is from my own playlist, I used to play this sometimes if he was away for a few days with work or something, that was bad enough…
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Back in 2018 my husband’s father died, a week or so later his mother did too. It was a very shocking time for us all and due to the way it happened my husband and I kept flying back and forth to the Netherlands every few days for a month as more and more weird stuff kept happening that we could never have expected. In hindsight we should have just stayed there for a month but we had no idea… anyway that is a story for another time…
In the Netherlands their funerals are a bit different to those in the UK. These two funerals were also very music orientated with lots of songs. One of the songs at my mother-in-laws was this one, chosen by her children and there were roses all over her coffin.
I must admit, sad as I was at the loss of my mother-in-law, I was a bit bemused by this song (and other English language heavy guitar songs that I didn’t imagine this 80 year old Dutch lady listening to) being played full volume at her funeral whilst we were videoed in close-up listening to it in its entirety. I found it a little unsettling at first but once I got into it I also greatly admired the honesty of feeling that the Dutch have once again. In the UK we are much more reserved as a general rule I feel (or maybe just my family is, my older relatives had hymns played at a respectable volume at their funerals with no videoing/toe-tapping but maybe that’s just me).
Anyway, I finally got Dutch radio working on my phone the other day and the first song that played was this one and it brought me a bittersweet smile remembering that day and now some of the lyrics mean more to me too so I have been listening to it on repeat thinking of my darling and his lovely family <3 .
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FleurdeLis one of my all time favourites 
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Back when Karen and I first met, one of my favourite bands was Sad Cafe, we managed to get to see them live a couple of times. Their biggest hit was Everyday Hurts. The lyrics pretty well sum up how I feel now
I saw the lamp light from your window
I didn’t think you were home, sitting there all alone
So I came up to your room to ask you why
Why did you hurt me so?
Why did you have to go, away?
I never wanted anything in my life
Not until I met you
I thought you’d see me through
All the bad days that I’ve had before I met you
Something in the past, never thought it couldn’t last, forever
There’s one thing I can say
Every day, how I miss you, oh oh
Every day that I’m without you hurts
Just a little bit more than
Than I’ve ever been hurt before
Every day that I’m without you hurts
Just a little bit more
And now I look down from your window
To see a young man across the street
He looks something like me
And he’s walking with his head down to the ground
Did you want to hurt me so?
Why did you have to go away?
There’s one thing I can say
Every day, how I miss you, oh oh
Every day that I’m without you hurts
Just a little bit more than
More than I’ve been hurt before
Every day that I’m without you hurts
Just a little bit more than
More than I’ve been hurt before
Every day that I’m without you hurts me
Just a little bit more, ooh
More than I’ve been hurt before
Every day that I’m without you hurts
Just a little bit more, ooh
More than I’ve been hurt before
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This one is great Richard, never heard of the band before but I listened to this last night and listening again now. It must be even more powerful when you have memories of Karen and yourself watching the band…
Yesterday I was flipping out, shaking/crying, the whole routine thinking about that I don’t believe René is anywhere or will be again… I was really really upset. I asked his smart speaker to play music and it played the Cranberries - when you’re gone,. I tried to stop crying by singing along (very badly through heavily snot-clogged nostrils) and I was thinking at least one good thing is he can’t hear me murderlising this song, it cheered me up a bit but I was still crying.
I don’t sing properly but I used to enjoy it and used to sing around the house a lot daily (also very badly but at least minus snot back then). René had asked me to send him a recording of me singing the chorus of White Flag once back around 17 years ago. Neither of us listened to this song at all in recent years since living in this house so it shouldn’t be on his smart speaker but that was the next song played and even my cynical heart had to take comfort in that… the chances of it being next in google’s algorithm are miniscule… it gave me a bit of hope again that maybe I’m wrong with my science… anyway so that’s why I am choosing this one.
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@FleurDeLis I hope there are times when you are able to feel René’s presence around you.
I haven’t Dido singing White Flag for ages. Thank you for posting
I was just listening to ‘Thank you’ by Dido the other day, hadn’t heard it in years, it was the first day in months I could really sit down and listen to some music, trying to remember songs he and I used to listen to, also songs that I liked back in high school. It must be nice to feel René’s personality when his taste of music fills the house. Maybe our consciousness will be spread across the universe when we leave this earthly plane, Beatles knew it. Hence this song i choose.
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I had this played at my husband’s funeral, it’s a beautiful song. A few days later another song popped up on my playlist, I like to think he sent it to me. I don’t know how to copy it but it’s Hold on to Memories by Disturbed.
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I’ve found it for you
To do this find a youtube video you like, press share and that will give you a link
When you press reply on here one of the options at the top of the message box is a small square. If you click on that you can paste your link in the “from the web” option
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That’s great, thank you. I’ve got it on spotify but couldn’t fathom out how to copy it over, my brain has turned into mush just lately!!
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My husband introduced me to this version of this song (by a Dutch band) which I far prefer. I used to listen on repeat but hadn’t heard for a while. now the lyrics describe how I feel.
Last Christmas (well one before last…) he had cleared the dancefloor at his work Christmas doo with another song by this band. It really made me laugh when he was telling me as the normal cliché english doo songs were on and then this heavy non Xmas song blasted out amongst the tinsel and no one knew what to do so he danced alone. I’m sorry he won’t get chance for more hi jinx.
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@FleurDeLis That is an unusual version of the song, I’m glad it has brought back some nice memories
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After getting quite down on valentine’s day yesterday, I found singing this song helped my mood. Luckily you don’t have to hear me singing along to it
Stornoway The Only Way Is Up
Apologies to all those who prefer the Yazz version, but I let you post a link to that one
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