Sons sudden death 10 weeks on

My son died suddenly in his sleep 10 weeks ago. I have previously posted 3 weeks afterwards.
We still have no news , his samples have now been sent to a heart specialist. I’m guessing it’s because he was so young and had just had his covid booster.
The reason I’m writing is because I want people to know just how devastating the wait to know is. After his death this has been the most awful thing. Different scenarios go through your head. I blame myself for not recognising the symptons that he was ill. I Google all of the time. I cry alot… I would even say that at times I thought I’d rather join him then be here. I sit in his room as I am now, on the bed that he died in and I talk to him. Each night I come in and text him. I miss him so much. He was my youngest and had only just started living life. He was a good lad, never any trouble and I loved him so very much.
So for anyone at the start of this journey I am so terribly sorry. This is something no parent should ever have to go through. Waiting for a result from the coroner is awful. Keep ringing them , eventually they ring you with updates. Talk to people, try counselling and above all else try not to sink.
My heart is broken and I don’t know if in time I will feel differently but at the moment I feel cheated for him and me.
My beautiful boy Tom x


Hi Helen. Yes I agree waiting for results from the coroner is a nightmare. I had to wait 6 months for the inquest which I was told at the time was the limit. While the results are absolutely everything to you to all the people involved in the enquiry in to your son’s death it’s a job. They have to be 100% sure before they can produce results. I was informed by my police liaison officer that I could ring the coroner and ask for a copy of all the evidence which I duly did and was promptly sent a copy of everything. I won’t insult you by telling you time is a great healer. It isn’t. You just learn to adapt to a life with out your son. It’s very very hard. But you will overcome bad days and there will be plenty of them. But when you finally reach the horizon you will find you can cope a lot better. . You don’t know it. But you get a tiny bit stronger everyday. You won’t even notice it at first. But there will be plenty on here that will tell you the same. Take care. And try not to be to hard on yourself. Guilt is all part or the process. That will lessen over time. Jim


Sending you a virtual hug,

So sorry to hear about your Son, I lost my partner back in Feb suddenly aged 36 and we are still waiting on coronors report and police report which doesn’t help. My partner also had covid jab 2 weeks before he passed.

Please take any help you can and speak out. I have started some face to face counselling which may also be helpful for you depending on your area.

Take care Claire xxx

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Thank you Jim. It’s all still such a shock. I do understand that it takes time but I don’t think people realise the toll it takes on your life.
I really hope they find what my beautiful son died of and if it was the booster I hope they are honest about it.
I will ask for a copy of the report and il see if I can get my Doctor to explain it all.
Your reply has actually given me some hope that I will get through this and I thank you for that.
As my best friend says “little steps”.
I miss Tom so much and I always will. He was my bonus baby . I never thought I’d be able to have more children and along he came. My other 2 sons are in their mid 30’s.
I tried to protect him so much yet in the end he died in his bed. Life is just so cruel.


Hi Claire,
Thank you for your reply. I had hoped that we would have some answers soon but seeing that you haven’t from February doesn’t fill me with much hope.
I just hope that if it was to do with the jab that they are honest.
He was as far as we knew a fit and healthy 20 year old. He went to work, then the gym, played on his xbox then laid done and died in his sleep. No warnings ,no time to get him help or say goodbye. The awful thing is he was probably dead before I left for work. I can never forgive myself as being his mum I should of known.
I have had a telephone conversation with my counsellor tonight and plan on seeing one face to face as soon as she recovers from covid.
Thank you for the virtual hug, I hope you soon get answers. X


hi helen.
10 weeks is no time at all. you will be still be suffering from the complete disbelief that this has happened. it is a proper trauma to try and process. it,s only natural as a parent to feel the guilt of thinking there was something you should have done to prevent what happened. i think regardless of how our children pass, we all feel it should,nt have happened on our watch. i had absolutely crippling guilt at the beginning. its only as time passes that you come to understand. its just your mind going into its default setting.
nothing anyone can say at this stage will take away the pain, unfortunately it,s a journey that you have to take. there are no alternatives other than just trying to get through each day as best you can. some days it will seem totally pointless. other days you will spend all day crying and asking why why why, [putting the coroner aside] unfortunately there are no answers as to why us as parents have to suffer this severe pain of loosing a child. it just isn,t rite. what did we do for us to suffer this burden. i,m sure you have read plenty of comments and threads on this site. you feel like you are drowning and can,t even find a way to the top just to grab another lung full of air just so you can keep going. the grief is all consuming. but you get through it. in whatever means possible. weeks will pass and before you know it months will pass. as bad as you are feeling rite at this very moment, you will look back and see that you have been able to do something/anything that you could,nt do in the beginning . i mean look at your post. you are only 10 weeks in and yet at the end of your post you are trying to give other people an encouraging message to hold on, keep going, don,t let it beat you. i,ve been exactly where you are. with all those thoughts that you have racing through your head . all those tears, the despair, the sadness, the anger the guilt. i don,t have them thoughts anymore. not because i,m special or showing off. what i am trying to convey is, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. one day you will see it in the far distance. but once you see it , these dark dark days will be behind you. you will be stronger. you will cry less and less. i still cry now. but nowhere near to the scale i used to. each day that passes helen, is day you,ve got under your belt, its a day nearer to getting to where you need to be. you WILL, get your results . and when you do it may not give you what you want. but you will deal with that as well.
take care helen. jim


Hi Helen, my daughter died in January and I’m finding what the others in here are saying. I call it chinks of light. When you realise that yes, you’ve become absorbed for a whole ten minutes in something other than awful, grim, exhausting grief. For me the first 3 months or so was almost too painful to bear and there was no respite. I’m still a whole long way from ok or the person I was before, but I’m feeling better than I did at first which is good enough right now. Also now I know that even though it may be brief if is possible to feel calm and grounded for a little bit of time, it’s something to build on. Somehow I can survive, a different future to the one I expected and still thinking of and loving my girl but seeing the outside world again and not feeling so overwhelmed. It’s up and down but not down 24/7, which is a start. Sending you all my best wishes and keep on posting. Xxx


We found out that our beautiful boy died of SADs. Although they didn’t send his whole heart to the specialist just 4 slides of the left side of his heart tissue.
They could find nothing else.
I have no words…