Sons suicide

Five years ago today we said goodbye to our beloved son who took his own life.
We knew it was going to happen but could do NOTHING to prevent it. We tried so, so hard to keep him but this life just wasn’t for him.
I keep everything locked in a box and each day, week, month, year it gets fuller and fuller.
How do I go about releasing the pressure that’s building inside?
I miss him so much it’s painful.

1 Like

I know your pain. It is a year for me. My son was a beautiful soul. He was happy, successful, but he changed suddenly, anxiety, insomnia controlled his life. I forever feel guilty that I didn’t do more. I miss him everyday. I don’t understand how he changed from a happy well adjusted young man to suicide. I pray everyday that I will see him again.

4 Likes

Our boy was the same. Happy successful and very popular with all who met him. It was a mask that he wore and no one but us knew that :cry: Five years on and I can honestly say that it does not get any better. They same time is a healer but it’s a sore that will never heal.
What goes on in young lads minds that make them feel isolated and alone and unable to express how they feel.
We always believed that we encouraged open and honesty and showed unbiased love.
We cannot allow guilt to manifest itself in our hearts. I truly believe that. You cannot allow guilt to define who you are.
Our son did not want to be here and as much as that breaks my heart and that of family and friends I have to try and find a way to respect that.
We encouraged him to write down his thoughts and feelings as he did not want medical intervention. We since found these journals and some day hope to use them in a positive way.

3 Likes

I am so sorry. My son Bobby took his life seven weeks ago. He was clever, very musical and good at fixing things. He struggled with his mental health, bi polar and autism. I loved him so much and cry all the time.

3 Likes

I lost my son out of the blue, no warning, age 24, almost 10 years ago. His birthday today. Will never forget him but he is in the past, I have to live for the now and for the people around me; I talk about him (and to him) sometimes, fondly; but I have to look around and live as best as I can to help my friends help me. Pain will never go I expect; but it doesn’t mean I cant enjoy life and help others help me.

Its not easy, but its the best “non advice” I can give. God bless.

2 Likes

Hi Iain
Yes, it is hard. Some days harder than others. I find reading as much as I can on suiside and grief helps. I noticed that you say God bless. As a Christian I don’t know why God allowed my son to take his life but I know he is a good God even when I don’t understand. I have to look to the future too. I’ll always love my son and miss him. He was part of my life for 38 years but as a senior now I have to try and live for those around me still here as best I can. I am sorry for your loss too. God bless.

1 Like

People will often say that what’s in the past can’t be changed and that you have to move on with life. What I say is, grief is by my side each day and sometimes it falls behind a bit when I’m feeling positive and sometimes it takes over when I’m less so.
I do get that what’s in the past cannot be changed but moving on will never happen for me. I often sit and reflect and I honestly still cannot believe that our son is gone.
No one ever knows the pain that I feel. When asked how I am I always reply ‘good’
We encouraged our lad to write his thoughts and feelings down as he couldn’t talk about how he truly felt. Does he get that from me? Who knows and it’s something that will never be answered. What I do know is that by writing this now helps me and by reading other people’s stories also helps too as I know that there’s other people out there having experienced the same thing.

1 Like

My son has been gone just over a year. I still can’t believe it. He was so happy before and suddenly he changed. I know he did not want to leave like he did, but anxiety & insomnia took its toll on him. How I wish I could turn back the clock and be there for him. I miss him so much and am glad I am 72 years old because I don’t really want to be here anymore, but I will stick around for my daughter & husband. My son was my best friend, we even worked together. He lived on his own and had many friends, visiting us every weekend. He needed to be in the hospital, he needed mental health help. I live in Canada and good luck with any mental help. Emergency wait times are sometimes days. When I was young we had no problem getting help in the hospital for medical or mental help. That has all changed especially recently.

1 Like