Soulmate

I lost my soulmate Jimi on 4th Dec 2023 6 months from our 50th anniversary. He fell and broke his leg but we are now asking for an investigation as to the cause of death with the hospital. Death certificate says heart disease which we had never heard of before. If he had it the nhs hid it well. He was in hospital for 5 days. Got pneumonia, left wet for 12+ hours, put in a bed with someone else’s blood on. I could go on there are 35 listed neglect. The worst one was the whole family told staff and doctors about the pain in his chest no one did anything. The night before he died one of the ward staff told him off for pressing him buzzer so she tied it up on the bed so he couldn’t reach it.
I am trying to cope with the grief of losing my Jimi but cant stop thinking if they hadnt neglected him would he still be here.i spend a lot of time crying because I miss him so much. I also feel guilty that maybe i should have shouted louder. My family cant understand the pain i feel. Im on tablets from the doctor, im seeing a bereavement counselor but nothing is working. Its not as if i can go to groups i have suffered anxiety for 10 years and i only trusted going out with Jimi. Has anyone out there suffered a similar thing and can help me to heal as i seem to be getting worse not better

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It’s sounds like you have had a terrible time and I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.
It’s not that long since you lost him and you were together for so long that the pain you feel now is a reflection of that love you both had.
It’s difficult I know to think like that at the moment, but try be kind to yourself, just take each hour and day at a time and try remember the good times.
Share your thoughts and feelings here as we all understand what you’re going through. Knowing you are not alone in your despair may hopefully give you some comfort.
Sending love and strength to you.

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Thank you for all your kind words but at the moment its hard to even do minute by minute

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Please don’t feel that you should have shouted louder. You were at your most vulnerable, as was your husband, and you both deserved better. Sadly it seems there are so many instances of NHS failure now. I know the NHS is understaffed and nurses are now doing work that would have been done by Health Care Assistants because of reductions in staffing levels but there really needs to be accountability. We were lucky, we were able to have my husband home for the ten days before he died. We had excellent support from the carers who came in and the DNs came when we needed them. If a death can ever be good then his was a good one, but my heart bleeds for all those people who weren’t so lucky and are now not only coping with the pain of loss but trying to navigate through guilt that they shouldn’t even be feeling because they were let down by the people and organisations that should have been supporting them. Nothing can lift this burden from you but I hope you’re able to get some answers and at some point to find peace.

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Why do i feel so bad surely someone out there had problems with nhs treatment. Dont get me wrong but if you cannot respect and give dignity to your patient you should be should have a different job. We are still fighting with the complaints we have put in. Im not sure if i cant grieve properly or if i can ever get over his death. I need help but dont know what to do. I just get a flash picture of his poor face and go hysterical is there anyone out there can help me i feel i dint want to wake up in the morning to face it again . My family dint understand
Shirl

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@Shirl55 so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in June last year so coming up to nearly a year without him. He really was my soulmate. It would have been our 50th wedding anniversary on 11 May this year and his birthday the day before so it is going to be a really hard couple of days for me. I know I am going to be really distressed on the day so I am (selfishly) taking myself off to a lovely log cabin retreat for the 2 days . That way I can sit and cry all I like without upsetting my family who are really brilliant to me. I know exactly how you feel as I keep having flash backs to the day he died in hospital and keep asking myself if I could have done more to save him. I have had councelling and was told that is natural feelings. Also that grief comes in waves. One day I think I am coping then bang I am back to square one. Sorry I cant really help you but know that to come on here and have a rant really helps me . Take care, kindest regards,
Ann

Dear annireG1
I wish i could run away for a few days buut i cant go out alone. I have been like it for over 10 years since ii had a nervous breakdown. The only person i trusted ans could get me out of the house was my Jimi and now hes gone. The kids come over and offer to take me to the shops but i just cant do it. I used to hold on to Jimi’s top like i was 5. I have been on every course u can think of but nothing helped only him. So now i clatter about the house on my own most of the time and i just think and cry. Surely death has got to be easier… i am glad u are going away and try to be kind to yourself. See i dont practice what i preach. Good luck darling
Shirl

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Dear Shirl. I am so sorry you cannot get out of the house. It must be so awful for you. I am feeling quite nervous about going away as although I drive I havnt been very far on my own since my darling husband passed away. Ive just got to keep telling myself I can do it but its hard. I really shouldnt moan as I was so lucky to have had him for over 52 years but we all want more years with them dont we. Stay safe and take care sweetheart.
Ann

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I had 51 years altogether with Jimi, i havent got to stage of thinking about the happy things we did yet. When i think of him im still at the stage we cant ever do those things again. I hope on day i can think of us annd smile. Thank you for your support and have a peaceful time away
Shirl

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