We lost my wonderful dad 3 weeks ago. The funeral is next week. I’ve written the eulogy with help from my mum and sister, and will be delivering it. I want to make him proud. I know its okay to cry and that the vicar can take over but I really want to do a good job. I think I’ll be okay but any tips? Thank you.
Hello @Circle2 ,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling anxious about delivering the eulogy. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
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I wrote and read my Dads eulogy. I did a few practise runs during the days leading up to the event (just to the wall!) to check the timings and get more comfortable with the rhythms, words etc. Also gave me the opportunity to know when to take a breath and which parts of the speech were going to make me more emotional. It’s one thing to write words, quite another to read them aloud.
My other recommendation would be to focus on something in the room to look at as you read- a painting, window etc. Sometimes it’s easier to focus on one thing visually than get distracted with all the people looking at you. Or you can focus on a nice friendly person. Unfortunately most attendees at my Dad’s memorial were his horrible siblings and children…I blocked them out by continually looking at friends who I know genuinely cared for him and I whilst I read.
I hope this helps, I wish you the best of luck with your reading
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Hi Circle2, So sorry for your loss. After years of workshops and classes, as well as practise facilitaing groups at my job, and running events for various organizations I’ve been involved with, I considered myself an accomplished public speaker. Thus I thought speaking at my beloved younger Sister’s celebration of life ceremony would simply flow from the heart. What I did not account for was the depth of pain and heartbreak that gripped my being, causing me to fight back sobs each time I opened my mouth to speak. I managed to fight through it, but was overcome with guilt feeling I let her down. We shared a lifelong bond, and we were more than sisters, we were best friends and soul mates. I berated myself for not being at my best for her, and stumbling over my words, sometimes having to pause to catch my breath. There was so much more I wanted to say in tribute to my precious, sweet and beautiful Sister. Then someone said something that helped me see things in a different light, she said my flood of emotions were a testament to the love I felt for my sister, and the grief was still so new (a week on) that I was still in shock at watching her die before my astounded eyes. She pointed out that a eulogy is not puplic speaking, because it is deeply personal. What I would say is do not put pressure on yourself, it is understandable to get emotional, even shed tears at a time like that. I wish I had not put expectations on myself that were unrealistic, and remembered I was a human in deep and crushing grief. Take Care. Xxx
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Thank you @Eponine you’ve given me some brilliant advice there. I’ve been reading it out loud and see what you mean about pauses and emotional bits.
Thank you! Xx
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@Sister2 I’m so sorry for your loss 
That is a really important point, it isn’t public speaking. In my job I’ve spoken at events, been on the radio and tv once, and was thinking the same, that this means I should be ‘good’ at doing the eulogy. You are completely right though, this isn’t public speaking and I can see that I shouldn’t put that pressure on myself. Thank you so much xx
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I read the poem I had written for my husband at his funeral. I practiced twice in church the day before.
I took deep breaths before. I read it very slowly and that helped. I partly memorised it so that I wasn’t relying on reading it. There was a microphone fitted in church to the lecturn so each word could be heard. People clapped afterwards. I am glad I did it for him. My son read out the eulogy and we had composed it together and he had added his own feelings as well. I was proud of him. He bared his soul. He also received clapping for what was his bravery and only at the end did his voice break a little in emotion which added to the poignancy. He was very apprehensive but he stepped up. What he said is etched on my mind forever.
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Very brave of you both. Glad it went well for you. It is a very hard thing to do
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