Yesterday, 8th September was a really bad day for me. I have had a melt down in a manner of speaking. I ranted on face book “I hate my cancer” and I have had good reason to at the moment. I have had trouble breathing thanks to the drug and also being anxious which is true. I have been and have felt nauseous too as well. Plus a dry mouth, dry skin and other feelings too. Paul has been so patient with me trying to understand what is happening. He is my rock and I adore him for it. I would have lost the fight long ago if it were not for him.
So much so, I have had to ring the Breast Care Nurses to seek their help and advice. I was so upset at the time, and the nurse guessed I was troubled by everything. I have coped with a lot of things since being diagnosed but never thought I would have to cope with what Everolimus has given me. Even with the reduced amount, I am still not coping well. The nurse felt I was suffering from anxiety and said she would send me some information that should help me. Also because all this is causing me to loose weight that I should get myself back on Ensure to help build up my body as I am putting it at risk although the nausea and general feeling is not helping me with my food.
I am not one to rant and rave or even moan and groan. But yesterday things have just gotten on top of me and I hate myself for it. But today I thought I would tell things like it is for once. Just shows I am human after all. I have my faults like everyone else.
Spent a fair bit of time outside today just trying to get in the air and walk a short way which is good for me in any event. Helped me calm down with my breathing and feeling a little normal again.
I even had a call out to my Sue Ryder nurse for her help and to perhaps have counselling again to cope with all that is going on in my head. I think I have to admit that I need help or to talk to someone who is outside the circle. Its hard to admit to yourself you need help and cope with things that are outside the norm and unusual and difficult to understand.
Having cancer sucks and there is a lot that goes with it that wears you out if you are not careful. Here’s hoping I sleep better tonight.
Today is better than I was yesterday. What I wanted to say here is to not be afraid to speak the truth and say how things are. You will be surprised just how many people out there are feeling like you or as I was yesterday and hopefully I can give them hope, if that makes sense.
Keep your fingers crossed for me, or say a prayer. I could do with any help at this time.