Special Birthday

On Monday (15th June), it’s my 21st Birthday and while I know it’s supposed to be a really happy day, but I always seem to struggle on Birthdays, having lost my Dad over 3 years ago now. A few months after he died, it was my 18th Birthday and that was a really difficult day because it made me miss my Dad so much. My 19th & 20th Birthdays were not too bad, they were tough days, especially my 20th because it was the same day as Father’s Day and I always find Father’s Day emotional and upsetting. For some reason, I am dreading my 21st on Monday because I start to question whether or not my Dad would be proud of me. This is also the first year when my Mum has a new boyfriend around and I don’t know if it’ll feel weird with him around. Sometimes it still feels strange not having my Dad around for my Birthdays any more.

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Hi Em. Special days, such as birthdays and Christmas, can be particularly hard. You might find some of the information on this page helpful. It talks about important dates towards the end http://support.sueryder.org/practical-emotional-advice/how-can-i-cope-bereavement Have you spoken to your mum about the way you feel? It might help to let her know that you miss your Dad even more at this time of the year. We’ll be thinking of you tomorrow Em. Hope the day goes well.

Hi Em, just wondering how your birthday went, hope you had a good day and you are doing okay :slight_smile:

thank you, I had a nice day all in all but it was quite sad to think that my Dad couldn’t have been there to celebrate with me. I think I found yesterday harder than my previous 2 Birthdays because there are a lot of changes going on in my life at the moment, like next Tuesday I will be travelling abroad on a plane alone for the first time to go & work in Italy for 6 weeks & then in September my year abroad commences & I feel as though I miss my Dad a lot more because I wish he could be here to see me go abroad on my own for the first time. I guess there will always be times that are hard, but this is one of the hardest times I’ve had for quite a while (yes it’s exciting) but also new and I just wish I had his support.
anyway, I have no idea how much of that actually makes sense & im sorry for waffling & going totally off topic!
thanks for the replies

Hi Em
I just read your post and I want to wish you a belated happy birthday. I just wanted to pick up on something you said in your first email. I know that your Dad would be bursting with pride at your resourcefulness and maturity. You be proud of all your achievements and coping with all the difficulties losing a loved one throws at you. I lost my beautiful Dad when I was 12 and felt just like you I wanted him to be with me on all my special days. As I got older I realised he was with me every step of the way willing me to enjoy my life and all its challenges. I think about him every day as I always will and as you will too and always with a great big smile on my face and in my heart.

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2015 was going to be a big year for me and my husband – my 60th birthday, his 70th and our 35th wedding anniversary. It was a big year for all the wrong reasons as he was diagnosed with terminal cancer just before Christmas 2014 and died at Easter 2015. My 60th birthday last month was a very miserable day.

You make such plans …

In time, you might find that these dates gain a new importance as special times to remember your husband and celebrate your life together. It’s certainly something we hear a lot of families we care for do, and they make a special effort to remember their loved one. It can be really helpful, even if at the moment it feels like the last thing you might want to do.

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