It has been a year today since I last saw the love of my life in person. Circumstances were such that I didn’t see him again before he died in January.
What an (almost) year it has been. I have been through every emotion known to man. I’ve cried, I’ve been angry, I’ve been in denial, and now I’m coming to the stage of acceptance. I’ve had days where I wanted to end it all, and days where I thought I’d dreamed it and I would wake up to find it hadn’t happened.
This forum has been my salvation. Through it, I have made connections with people in a similar situation and we have been able to support each other. No judgement, just understanding that no matter what your situation, losing a loved one is horrendous.
So, what I want to say is, it does get better. Less raw. Less visceral. The love stays of course. The tears appear out of nowhere. But I can now remember him and smile. And know that I am one day nearer to seeing him again. I’m now living my life and making the most of opportunities he has been denied, as I know he would want me to.
I feel him with me some days. I’ve had feathers, robins, heard our tune, seen our social saying in odd places felt my hair being touched and a tickling sensation on my neck. I will take it all, real or not.
Please believe me, I only hope that all of us on here will realise they are not alone - we all understand and that they find some sort of peace. We will never forget our loved ones, we will never stop loving them, and we will keep them safe in our hearts. xxx
hi @Dublingirl wow your post is so empowering and gives me a little hope this excruciating pain im in now will somehow ease and il be able to live some sort of life again?
i lost my husband my soulmate of 20 years in september after a shock diagnosis of cancer just 6 weeks prior 
leaving me and our 3 children absolutely devastated. he was only 40 and we had so many more plans for the rest of our lives.
it’s been 13 weeks now and i feel things are getting worse, im not coping at all and just feel in a complete blur of darkness constantly… xx
@Scarl34 I am sorry for your awful loss. All I can say is let the feelings happen. There is no right and no wrong. Some days I just didn’t even know what to do with myself, like I was spinning round and round. I had a physical pain in my chest for a couple of months and even developed a tremor! Of course you have to be strong for your children and my heart goes out to them too. I sometimes feel guilty for crying, but then I think, it is natural, of course I should cry! I know it doesn’t feel like it at the moment, and I swear I didn’t think I would ever feel better, but every now and then you will have a not-too-bad day. Then they become more frequent and then you have more good days than bad. But there is no time scale and we are all different. I lost my mother at a young age. I remember feeling I would never get over it. But this was WAY worse. I have never felt pain or grief like it. You are not alone. Please keep coming on here.It has been my salvation to realise that it isn’t only me out here who is in a mess! You take care and give those children a big cuddle.
yes the physical pain is there constantly and hurts more than i can explain (not that i need to because unfortunately you know it too well) i don’t feel like i can get through the days they’re unbearable…
iv never lost anyone so to lose shaun so cruelly and suddenly has really been the worst… i have found some amazing people on this forum. and i know im not alone, but you do feel your the only one when this happens? iv only just turned 35 and i dont know anyone around my age who has been through anything similar. all my friends are in settled relationships/married/families and now i just feel i dont fit in anywhere xx
The feeling that you are the only one is the thing! You think nobody can possibly imagine the pain, and also you can’t believe that something can hurt so much! It is truly the most awful pain ever. We are in different situations of course, but the running theme on here seems to be that friends and family seem to disappear back to their own lives and you feel abandoned. I think a lot of is that they just don’t understand and don’t know what to say. What can you say? I have found that the best thing is not to say anything when you meet someone who has been bereaved, but just to give them a big hug. Nothing anyone can say will help. You are so not alone on here. We all understand. Come on to rant and rave!
thank you 
xx
Just one sentence,
Grief is the price of Love.
I know that I haven’t a clue what stage of grief I’m at. For me it’s over seven years since I lost my mum. I think I’m realising now that I have to face this grief with help from mental health professionals. How I face it I do not know but I know I have been on a journey a journey of grief. Grief is a journey it’s not a destination.
This has been 7 year journey one I had no choice but I didn’t want to take. I’ve learned so much about myself and I’ve changed.
So whoever tells you there is 7 stages of grief might be spot on but my experience of grief is so very different
@Dublingirl your posts are so lovely, such thoughtful comments. I lost my wife, soulmate and best friend in Feb 2021 and I am still finding it very hard. She started to feel poorly at exactly this time of year so Christmas to Feb 15th will always be rubbish for me. I hate having to decide what kind offer I will accept for Christmas dinner and I usually hide on NYE. I feel there awkwardness of not wanting me to be on my own and this hurts me. I saw a lovely meme on insta about getting through Christmas which of course I can’t now find, but it summed up Christmas so well. Here’s to getting through another lonely Christmas/NY x
Do what I do just keep telling yourself you’ll get through it. I don’t set my days I just wake up each day be kind to myself. The thing with is grief it is never kind it won’t look after you it’ll burn inside. Don’t let it that’s what I tell myself I don’t give it fuel it wants
What a lovely piece of expression - felt by us all xx
Iam really struggling today, so I came on this site . It’s being just over seven weeks, and I have never felt pain like this , but reading this post has given me a positive mind set again, thank you so much for sharing your very difficult journey. X
Hello.
All the posts I’ve read gives me some hope however small it is that I’ll get through my grief. I know I’ll never ever come to terms with losing my mum. I do have one certainty I’ll be with my mum one day it can’t come quick enough for me. Love will never keep me away from my mum so please hurry up and take me to be with my mum