Numbers seem to be important sometimes. I said to myself yesterday, it has been 18 months exactly to the day, so why not get on and have a clear out.
Well here I am the next day and still not made a start.
I did in the early days, one or two things. It was easier then, I think. Getting rid of some of the ugly stuff, the illness related stuff. But that ground to halt. The difficult stuff isn’t touched, yet.
Waiting for probate to get their act together didn’t help. That took them over a year. “We messed up”…they did apologize. But it seems to have put a sort of false hiatus in the way… I mean, in the early days I seemed to have more push, more traction. Sending out the forms, working out the sums, all of that. Then there was this gap, along wait. It’s OK, you said to yourself, you ARE doing something productive, you are actively waiting. I have a feeling that the waiting was simply a way of kidding myself… I have lived in a kind of static almost unchanging state with things half done or even not done at all.
So the probate and the clearing all still has to be done. Winter is coming. That will probably be another reason not to get on and ring some much needed and long overdue changes.
It’s all very well saying “be kind to yourself” and so on, “take things at your own speed”… but there’s a limit. It just sounds so wet acting like this, flopping about, existing, not really getting stuck in, living.
Sometimes I think maybe counselling, but I’ve never gone in for that sort of thing much. Maybe now is the time. Probably the best counselling would be a kick up the backside.
When my mum died in March, I too dealt with the probate and the paperwork. My siblings and I sorted out most of her things but I decided to deal with her large collection of old photos and ornaments. Five months later the photos were still sitting on the floor in the dining room and her ornaments in boxes in the garage. I was just summoning the energy to overcome the inertia when my husband died suddenly five weeks ago. I’m now faced with having to sort through his things too. I also have to deal with an impending inquest. Today I stayed in bed until 14.30. I just couldn’t face the day. This evening I decided on one of my tried and tested strategies, write down three things I need to do tomorrow. It remains to be seen if they actually get done.
Thanks for your reply. You know, I am feeling quite pleased with myself today. It’s quarter to six, and I have slogged solidly through old paperwork since ten this morning. I thought I would have seen the last of that last year…I was “ready” for it then. It was a useful way of using up time, I was on top of it, knew what went where and so on, was “in the zone”.
Having to trawl all through it again hasn’t been easy, but I just slogged through. Couple more letters tonight I think.
Just have to try and maintain some momentum. Like you say, there does not feel like any “urgency”. I think your kind response gave me a bit of a push…not quite a kick up the backside but a kind of shared acknowledgement that I’m not actually bone idle or going loopy either…just like loads of other people, floundering about, trying to find a way forwards, or onwards, upwards or wherever we’re supposed to be going.
Staying in bed is a real temptation. I’ve done that many times, but beat myself up after so it’s not a great idea. Can’t be helped sometimes.
I think you were very wise to get on with the sort out early on as far as you could. Like I mentioned, the Probate stuff has been dragging on, and I think that has held me back more than I realize. I have got on with a stack of it today, and quite honestly, I am sure I feel better that all those stacks of paper heaped up all over the place were like a bag of stones dragging me back, as if remembering the hospital shambles, lockdown guilt and all the other stuff we as " the bereaved" go through hasn’t been enough.
I know that to be true, that getting on with it ( “It” being necessary change ) is ultimately better than letting things solidify around the place unchanged, but there’s still the personal things which need to be dealt with. I hope you cope I really do. How did you get on with the “three things” you planned to do?
Well done for getting through so much stuff today. After a wobbly start, I managed all three things I intended to do although I couldn’t complete one because I was holding on the phone for 30 minutes and gave up! Like you, I feel a bit more positive, feeling I have achieved at least something. I’ve pulled out some paperwork to do tomorrow so I’m hopeful that I can keep it up. I’ve also arranged to catch up with a friend to make sure I get out of the house for a while. Good luck.
No useful suggestions for most of your outstanding tasks but the dripping toilet issue - if your Water Board is like ours they will come out for free and help get the toilet issue resolved. Might be worth having a look on their website.
No problems. I am now the same I do not like workmen in the house. My husband’s best friend and my nephews are helping me to source trusted people for the jobs that need to be done by tradespeople. We were in the middle of building works which have to be signed-off by the Council.
Our son has had a similar issue to yourself. He has a water metre and his bills have been ridiculous because of a leaking toilet and faulty metre. We think they have sorted it today.
Your right not to rush things. I rushed into a few things with negative results.